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Am waiting for THAT call.

(62 Posts)
bonkerz Fri 14-Oct-05 23:21:56

My mums in hospital. She has been ill for years but got really bad 2 days ago after being in hospital for 7 weeks. Her liver and kidneys have failed and doctors say she wont make it through the night. Am in Basingstoke with all my family (havent been together for atleast 20 years like this) Hospital have rung to say that she had a fit and is in a comatised state. We are now waiting for the call to say she has gone. How am i meant to be feeling? Im hoping for her sake its quick because the woman i saw tonight is not my mum. She was incoherant and im not even sure she knew i was there. how do i deal with this? Ive been very sheltered from death and have never seen anyone this close to going!

ssd Wed 17-Oct-12 08:54:13

bonkerz, I'm so sorry

but I'm sure your mum knows how much you love her, I think the love we have for our mums lasts beyond death

hugs to you xx

Oh Bonkerz, so sorry darling......I lost my mum 2 long years ago and although it's not as raw I still miss her as much, probably more!!

The other day for the first time ever when I woke up I forgot she was dead.......was a very wierd feeling, just for a second I thought Oh I wonder how mum is today!

Thinking of you today xx

Bonkerz Sun 14-Oct-12 22:46:48

Sorry for resurrecting an old thread. Tomorrow will be 7 years since my mum left us. I wish I could say its easier but it isn't. Every year I hate the build up to the 15/10. Every year I feel so low and depressed. I get snappy and I know why but it seems so unreasonable. I wish I could just speak to my mum to tell her about her grand daughter and grand son who she didn't get to meet. I want to fill her in on the gossip and most of all I want her to know I love her. sad

ninah Mon 17-Oct-05 13:33:14

bonkerz very very sorry. You must feel completely surreal at the moment. Yes, funerals do tend to bring out all these horrible family tensions but you tend to rise above them in a way because you are still in a state of shock. Cope in any way you can. People react in a hundred different ways, I felt quite angry with my sister cos she kept talking about mum's death all the time whereas I couldn't bear to acknowledge it, let alone hear that one of her shoes had come off etc etc whereas she thought my way was v strange. Just remember that the day itself is a tribute to your mum and a goodbye and that she will know what's in your heart. And you're right, no one is ever old enough to be an orphan. It's particularly hard on you, when there are children to consider, and you are carrying a new life. Thinking of you all.

Tinker Sat 15-Oct-05 23:28:12

So sorry to read this bonkerz.

QueenVictoria Sat 15-Oct-05 23:24:02

So sorry Bonkerz

marthamoo Sat 15-Oct-05 23:21:52

Hi bonkerz, don't really know what to say but saw your post. I think you just have to try and stay dignified - whatever the rest of your family are doing - funerals are like weddings, they bring out the best and the worst in people. And I don't know whether to tell you to cry if you need to - or hold it in. It will have to come out sometime. It must be so hard.

bonkerz Sat 15-Oct-05 23:18:53

Thank you again everyone.

Am home now till Tuesday when i will be going back to help sort all arrangements. Managed to sit down before i came home and sorted out a few things for the funeral, just little things but it helped a bit.
Unfortunatley i come from a very disfunctional family. Im one of 6 children and we havent been together for over 20 years and friction is already starting. Am dreading what will happen at funeral now because unfortunately i have brothers and sisters who cant just shut up for one day and for mums sake. What makes it worse is ive been put in the position of go between and am having to appear to be strong when everyone else is losing it.
Im scared to lose control and let go. If i start crying i am not sure i will stop.

Debbsywillgetherbeanie Sat 15-Oct-05 22:46:42

Bonkerz im so so sorry be kind to yourself ((((hugs))))

LilacBump Sat 15-Oct-05 22:42:58

i'm sorry to hear of your loss {{hug}}

ei23monster Sat 15-Oct-05 22:37:58

im so sorry that this has happened to you bonkerz i havent got much to offer advice wise as i have not been through this myself and the clinical advice i feel would prob just confuse you hun iykwim. dont worry about how you are dealing with this just let it happen naturally and youl find that you just have your own unique way of handling it xx iv shed a few tears for you and would welcome it if you ever wanted an extra ear to listen to you just CAT me and il do what i can to help xx my thoughts are with you hunny xx

auntymandy Sat 15-Oct-05 21:15:21

thinking of you

soapbox Sat 15-Oct-05 19:23:44

Bonkerz - so sad for you and your family

Wishing you strength to get through the coming weeks and months

marthamoo Sat 15-Oct-05 19:22:14

Oh love, I'm so sorry.

Cadmum Sat 15-Oct-05 18:17:16

I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you. Please take care of yourself.

trefusis Sat 15-Oct-05 16:20:44

Message withdrawn

hoxtonchick Sat 15-Oct-05 16:15:02

sorry bonkerz

blueteddy Sat 15-Oct-05 15:37:37

Message withdrawn

tortoiseshell Sat 15-Oct-05 15:32:37

Sorry Bonkerz. I'm glad you got chance to say goodbye.

Mum2OneAndBump Sat 15-Oct-05 15:27:47

Bonkerz i am so sorry to hear about your mum, you will grieve but in your own time and when you feel ready.

WigWamBam Sat 15-Oct-05 15:20:35

Oh bonkerz, so sorry. Although you knew it was coming and that it would be a relief it must still be really hard for you. Don't try and be strong for everyone else; grieve when you need to and take time off from the practical stuff when you feel you have to.

Be kind to yourself and take it in your own time.

RTKMonherBROOMSTICK Sat 15-Oct-05 14:48:21


CountessCadburyOfBournville Sat 15-Oct-05 14:42:50

So sorry to hear this Bonkerz. My thoughts are with you and your family.

george32 Sat 15-Oct-05 14:37:22

I'm so sorry Bonkerz. I'm glad you managed to say goodbye to your mum and that she went peacefully.
Your grief will come out in it's own time, everyone is different, there is no set time scale or way of grieving. Just be very gentle on yourself. Please take it easy and look after both yourself & Alex.

Marina Sat 15-Oct-05 14:12:20

Very sorry Bonkerz - thinking of you anf your family today

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