facing people @ work

(10 Posts)
lonelydesigirl Fri 11-Feb-11 18:53:13

i had to terminate my first pregnancy at 23 weeks due to fatal abnormalities in baby.
after my termination the doc told me that the baby had already died 2-3 days before.i am not sure if doc just said that to make me feel better or if it was the truth.whatever the case , it's been a month and a half now and i was off work for some time and have join back work.i am not sure how to face people and i am affraid they will ask me questions about what happened and i will feel bad.i trying hard to cope with the loss.

OP’s posts: |
ajandjjmum Fri 11-Feb-11 18:55:13

So sorry. sad
It's ok to to be upset, and hopefully people will not overwhelm you.
Could you let your manager know you're concerned about how to handle your return as you know you'll be sad, so that your colleagues will just know to give you space.

Hassled Fri 11-Feb-11 18:56:38

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Is there someone you like and trust at work who you could explain everything to (by email, if that's easier for you), and ask him/her to tell everyone else? There will be some awkwardness - people won't know what to say - but it will pass.

Mollymax Fri 11-Feb-11 18:58:15

I am sorry for your loss.
I think when you go back to work, people will not ask awkward questions, hopefully they will just offer condolences. If they do ask, just say you would rather not talk about it.
On the other hand you will also come acroos people who will totally avoid the subject.
Hope it goes well for you.

Al1son Sun 13-Feb-11 20:17:01

I'm sorry to hear about your baby.

It's very unlikely that a doctor would lie to you about something like that to make you feel better. I think you can assume it was the truth.

If you want to give people a one sentence answer then 'my baby died' is more than enough.

If you'd rather not talk about it then say just that.

"It was just one of those things" can be a good way to head off people who ask more intrusive questions.

Once you've got through the first day back the awkwardness should diminish really quickly and everyone will be focussed on work again. Just keep telling yourself how quickly one day will be over.

Good luck with your return.

LoveBeingADaddysGirl Sun 13-Feb-11 20:43:23

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I agree the doctor wouldn't have made that up.

Depending on the set up at work, could a manager have a meeting and explain your sad news and that you will be returning on x date or via email. There is nothing wrong in saying you don't want to speak about it at work.

I have found that most people will avoid it altogether, some closer ones may wish to say they are sorry and they hope you are ok. I just told them to stop being nice to me or they'd set me off.

bluebump Sun 13-Feb-11 20:58:57

I'm sorry for your loss.

When I lost my DS at 22 weeks in '07 I went back to work after about 2 weeks (no maternity leave etc) and I was dreading it but after the initial hugs and sympathy from everyone (making everyone teary!) it got easier. I wanted to be asked about my DS in a way rather than it be pushed under the carpet and forgotten.

What was most comforting was I had 2 members of staff each take me to one side and say the same thing had happened to them and they always looked out for me and checked up on me, i'll never forget their kindness. I hope it goes ok.

annapolly Sun 13-Feb-11 21:04:35

I am sure the Dr would not lie to you.

I lost my baby at 24 weeks on Valentines Day 12 years ago.

I was worried about going back to work as I could not control the tears if anyone mentioned the baby.

I phoned a good friend at work and asked her to tell everyone exactly what had happened and that I would prefer them not to mention it until I did.

The first few days were awkward but things soon returned to normal and took my mind off things to some extent.

I am sorry for your loss and wish you luck.

lonelydesigirl Wed 16-Feb-11 23:18:33

thanks everyone for your support.
everyone was good at work.some of the people who already knew just did not bring up the topic, some who did not were surprised to see me back as they thought i was already on mat leave and asked me about how the baby was doing.it was difficult for me to explain.
it was a strange day at work.i cannot cocentrate on any thing and have lost interest in work.i just need to wait for few days until i am in my usual workoholic mode.

OP’s posts: |
MavisEnderby Wed 16-Feb-11 23:21:00

You will get there xx

Slightly different but when i first went back to work after dp death i was a bloody liability really.colleagues very good.It gets better but very slowly.Go easy on yourself and a big hugxxMav

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