Advice: Friends 6yo has died

[stripeybumpsmum]

Hi,

I'm looking for some help on what to write in a sympathy card. Our DD is being treated for cancer. We've made friends on the ward with a little boy whose family found his cancer was terminal a few weeks after we met. We've grown closer over the recent weeks as he outlived his initial prognosis by a couple of months. He died peacefully yday.

I know the parents have asked for no contact initially and privately said a few times that they want to 'go away and come back when all the texts and cards have stopped'.

I don't want them to think that we are not thinking about them but want to respect their wishes. I know from experience months after the death and anniversaries later are hardest so thinking about the best timing to write. But equally don't want to upset them!

So for those who've lost a child, what helped you and when?

Also, do I include DD on the letter? She was friends with the boy, and definitely kept the parents entertained but I don't want to seem like I am rubbing their nose in it (not that we are out of the woods yet)

Thanks

[zeno]

Hi Stripey,

when our dd died, we got some very special cards from her friends. Often, the parents sent a card and enclosed one from their dc. The cards from the dc were often written to dd, rather then to us, and they are treasured tokens of dd's relationship with her friends.

So, I would suggest a grownup card/letter from you to the parents, and also a homemade card from your dd, either to the parents or to their son.

The nice thing with letters and cards is that you can choose when to open them, when to read them.

Hope your dd is doing OK.

[stripeybumpsmum]

Thanks Zeno, I appreciate the advice. I'm sorry you had to go through this with your DD.

I think both DD and DS doing a card each to the little boy would work well, their way of saying goodbye. And then I'll send card from us to parents.

Thanks, SBM

[ILovedYou]

Sounds perfect zeno