Oh god something terrible just happened at work

[pookamoo]

A colleague of mine has passed away. A young mum only 40
We are a small company, only 50 people, and everyone loved her.
She'd been having such a dreadful year, she's been off sick for more than a month now, for stress, and now this.
Just before Christmas.
Her poor, poor children. They are 8 and 6. I have no words to say to anyone in RL about this, I just can't imagine...
Just needed to say something to someone. Hope you don't mind.

[Mortyfied]

That is awful. I am so sorry for you all, and of course for the family she left behind. How utterly shocking. Why did she die?

[OmicronPersei8]

So sad to hear this, it must be quite a shock. Sorry for the family's loss and for yours too.

[BrokenBananaTantrum]

Thats terrible pookamoo. so

[mascarpone]

That's really sad, pookamoo. A colleague of mine passed away a couple of years ago and it was a dreadful shock to everyone. He was just like me - my age with two small children. It really made me question everything...

Haven't got anything sensible to say. Just hope you are OK.

[pookamoo]

I just can't help thinking of those poor babies.

We don't really know why, apparently she "collapsed at home" and was taken to hospital but passed away there.

She'd had an awful year with many personal problems and issues, and many of us are worried that she might have done something silly.

[Abr1de]

[exexpat]

So sorry to hear this. Do you or any of your colleagues know her DH/DP well enough to offer help?

When my DH died suddenly, his colleagues were a huge help to me - possibly different circumstances, as it was a smaller company and he was the boss, and I was thousands of miles from family, but they helped sort out some of the bureaucracy, let people know about the funeral etc.

Other people will probably also point them in this direction, but the website of the charity Winston's Wish has lots of very good advice for helping bereaved children.

[ChippingIn]

Pook - so so sorry to hear this, it's very sad. I really, really hope that she didn't do 'something silly' :(

[pookamoo]

Sadly she doesn't have a DH/DP

[Mortyfied]

Oh God, it just gets worse and worse. Those poor children. How terribly sad this is for all concerned.

[OsbegaEthewulf]

Dear God...her poor children. They are the same age as mine and I could cry thinking about them being left on their own. It is heartbreaking for them

[Fluffypoms]

poor children.

[ChippingIn]

Oh no - it really does get worse doesn't it. Do they have any contact with their Dad do you know? Do you know who will care for them?

[pookamoo]

I think there are other family members (grandparents, an uncle).
The children have not been told yet and have gone to school, so that the family has time to work this all out. One of our senior colleagues has been to their home this morning to offer help.

It puts it all into perspective, doesn't it?

None of us feel like doing any work today. It all feels pointless, and doesn't matter at all.

As far as I know the dad is out of the picture.

Thank you all for letting me talk about this here.

[HollyBerryLelloHoHo]

God that's awful :(

I hope those children get the best possible care and attention at this horrid, horrid time.

[ChippingIn]

I agree - you should all just spend the day talking. I hope you close up early and all go home to your families. Give your kids an extra hug.

Those poor poor kids, not only losing their Mum, but no Dad or SD either so unless someone can move in with them, their home as well.

I really, really hope she didn't do something silly.

[ThisIsANiceCage]

Normally I'd suggest an office whip-round, cos there are always hideous stupid financial things like the account with the direct debit for the gas bill being frozen/closed/empty. But god knows what's appropriate in this circumstance.

NOT for today, but longer term... You close colleagues with whom she spent so much of her working day may be able to contribute to a memory book and photos for the kids.

So so sorry...

[pookamoo]

Thank you all for your comments.
I don't think anyone can really grasp that it's really happened - everyone wishes it was just a big practical joke.

Sadly we had to stay open today, but believe me, this has made me grateful for all that I have, for my DH, DD and all of our extended family and friends. I will be giving them an extra big hug.

I have mentioned Winston's Wish to our senior colleague, and he knows of the charity, so hopefully he will put them in touch.

[Evenstar]

A memory book would be a lovely idea, my husband died very suddenly and his boss got a lovely folder with clear plastic pockets in it and filled it with emails and cards that colleagues sent with their memories of him. That would be a lovely thing for her children to have in the future, to know how highly thought of she was.

[ChippingIn]

I agree with Evenstar - it is lovely to have things like that from work people.

[exexpat]

Second to what Evenstar said - a few months after DH died, one of DH's colleagues put together one of the photobooks you can order online, with photos of DH, comments from colleagues etc, and had a copy each made for me, both children, DH's parents, and I think some of his other colleagues too. It was a really touching idea of hers.

If you have photos of your colleague, it would be a brilliant thing to do. If you don't, just memories and stories about her written by her colleagues and put together into a book would probably mean a lot to her children in years to come. Even better if some of the people she was closest to could stay in touch with the family or even act as kind of unofficial godparents to the children, and talk to them about their mum as they get older. Poor things if they have been left effectively parentless - I hope there are grandparents or aunts and uncles who can step in.

Also, if it does turn out that depression played a role in her death, there are several charities specifically to support families bereaved by suicide, as it is such a hard thing to cope with.