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Just don't know what to say

(5 Posts)
dolcegusto Wed 20-Oct-10 22:41:55

My friends ds passed away today. He was only 3 months old and had never left hospital.

I don't know what to do or say to them. I'm heartbroken for them, he was such a beautiful little boy who was too ill to survive.

What can I say to them? I know nothing I say can ease the pain they're going through but I'd like to try to be there for them.

piscesmoon Wed 20-Oct-10 23:00:17

There is nothing you can say-just give a hug. Keep contacting them and let them talk -if they want to. It is just as important next week, next month and next year.

Tangle Thu 21-Oct-10 00:01:33

You've said everything you need to say right here:
"I know nothing I say can ease the pain they're going through but I'd like to try to be there for them."

When DD2 was stillborn we weren't offended by anything anyone said or wrote (and there were some startlingly inappropriate comments) but at least we knew people cared enough to try (and after a few days we started to laugh at the really REALLY bad ones). The only thing that really hurt was the people who didn't say anything at all.

From our experience I would suggest you can:
Be there for them.
Follow their lead.
Don't be afraid to cry when you're near them, or of them crying.
Don't stop offering if they don't take you up on offers for a while.
Make your offer's specific - "I'm going shopping, can I get you anything" rather than "is there anything I can do to help". (they may well not know what they need help with)
Make them a meal that's easy to reheat (we really struggled to be practical for a long time)
Remember their son's birthday next year.

Thinking of your friends. No-one deserves to loose a child

Minione Sun 24-Oct-10 12:35:19

I agree with Tangle, when Ds was stillborn we just appreciated people's kind thoughts and words. 4 months down the line I still appreciate people mentioning him rather than pretending he never existed.

Perhaps make them some meals etc. We were really thankful for this, several neighbours did this as did SIL who travelled down from Manchester with a load of food.

Thinking of your friends x

plupervert Sat 11-Dec-10 10:50:35

Maybe include their DS in your Christmas card to them, as of course he will still be there with them. Of course it will make them cry, but it may also help them feel their little one (who is still a real person) hasn't been forgotten.

Sadly, I have two such Christmas cards to write this year.

You are a kind friend for thinking so much about this.

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