9 years tomorrow

(17 Posts)
jetcat Thu 16-Sep-10 10:44:11

since my younger brother died, aged 17 - and we still dont know whether it was suicide or murder. I have no idea why i am posting this, i guess i just want it acknowledged i thinkblush

How do people move on, when the full circumstances are not known? I am feeling very sad angry and confused all in one.

OP’s posts: |
Monty100 Thu 16-Sep-10 10:47:49

Jet - I'm so very sorry for your tragic loss. It must be even more difficult when you don't know exactly what happened. Did the post mortem not help with this?

jetcat Thu 16-Sep-10 10:53:22

thanks monty. He did have a post mortem (he was one of the suspicious deaths at an army base) and the coroner recorded an open verdict. I think though, that the army had made their mind up that it was suicide before any investigations, as when they came to inform his parents (he was my foster brother), they said 'suicide' straight away. He was then cremated, which is deeply regretted now, as it meant we couldnt have a new post mortem when more questions came to light.

There are so many questions and uncertainties - i cant bear the thought of him being so unhappy that he thought suicide was the only option, but on the other hand, its equally as awful thinking that someone did this to himsad

OP’s posts: |
Monty100 Thu 16-Sep-10 13:54:18

Jet - it may be something you'll never get a comprehensive answer to. sad

I don't know how you can deal with that, you have my deepest sympathy.

Have you had bereavement counselling/support specialising in this particular area?

((((())))

dejavuaswell Fri 17-Sep-10 09:58:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jetcat Fri 17-Sep-10 15:35:19

thanks guys, just having a tough few daysblush

OP’s posts: |
Monty100 Fri 17-Sep-10 16:03:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jetcat Fri 17-Sep-10 16:35:00

it was, but can i respectfully request that mentions to the actual name of the place be deleted, as i have had bad experiences in the past (when people google the place name)

Monty, sorry - i didnt answer your question re counselling. Yes i have had counselling, although not specifically for his death, more general counselling.

OP’s posts: |
Monty100 Fri 17-Sep-10 16:45:43

Jet - sad

I need to log off now and I'll ask for deletion of references later if someone hasn't already done so.

I'll be thinking of you.

jetcat Fri 17-Sep-10 16:53:38

thanks monty

OP’s posts: |
Monty100 Fri 17-Sep-10 18:08:22

Ah deleted. That's good.

I so hope you can find peace Jet. Your dbro would not want you to suffer in this way.

evansmummy Tue 21-Sep-10 14:33:27

Jetcat, I'm so sorry about your brother's death. How horrible for you to not know exactly what happened. I would echo Monty's suggestion that you get some specific bereavement counselling. It might help. Are there people where he died that would be willing to talk to you about it?

May I also invite you [http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/641812-Fo r-Jonny-and-all-our-darling-departed-sisters-and-b rothers?pagingOff=1 here]. It's a thread for those who have lost siblings in all kinds of circumstances, and has been, and continues to be, an amazing support for me. You're 'welcome' to join us.

In the meantime, the exact circumstances of my brother's death aren't really known either. He was knocked down by a car and the driver left him in the road and drove home. He later handed himself in, and told his side of the story. However, it seems unusual, and there were no other witnesses, so we'll never really know what happened. It is hard, very hard, but I don't think it's actually any easier when you do know the exact details. Talking has been my lifesaver, which is why the thread is so good. Even when people in RL don't talk about it anymore, I know people on here will. Maybe it will help you too?

evansmummy Tue 21-Sep-10 14:34:08

links http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/641812-For -Jonny-and-all-our-darling-departed-sisters-and-br others?pagingOff=1

evansmummy Tue 21-Sep-10 14:34:42

raaaaaagh. Here!

Monty100 Tue 21-Sep-10 18:29:45

Bump for Jet

jetcat Fri 01-Oct-10 20:57:15

sorry, just re-visited thisblush

evansmummy - so sorry for your loss. Thanks so much for the invite (and monty for the bump) - i will take a look when i feel a bit stronger.

OP’s posts: |
evansmummy Wed 06-Oct-10 18:46:16

Whenever you're ready, jet. Sorry about the link disaster! Got there in the end though grin

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