How on earth do people recover from the loss of a child?

(14 Posts)
gardeningmum05 Thu 12-Aug-10 12:14:39

in my experiance you dont get over it, you learn to survive, sometimes day by day,other times hour by hour, other times week by week.
its shit, but you have too
what doesnt kill you makes you stronger...........

EmmaKateWH Thu 29-Jul-10 12:35:26

I don't think you do get over it but you do learn to live with it, and to find happiness in things again.
I have friends whose child died at age 5 from cancer a long time ago. They are able to get joy from lots of things, like their other children, and I think their quality of life is reasonable. Obviously they have never "recovered" and I am sure they think and feel terribly sad about what they lost every day, but their life is certainly worth living, and they manage to be positive and at least {appear to be} happy despite having endured the worst thing that can happen to a parent. It takes a long time though I think. I know a few people who have lost a child, and from my unscientific study those who already had/have since had other children are in much better shape than those who lost their only child and never had another one.

siilk Fri 16-Jul-10 16:37:54

sorry 12 months

siilk Fri 16-Jul-10 16:37:31

You do survive. You change. You find a 'new normal' as you are never the same.
It has been almost 2 months since we lost our DS2 and they have been some of the hardest and strangest months of my life.

zeno Thu 15-Jul-10 22:06:47

She will survive rather than recover I think.

You recover from the shock with time, and come to some way of accommodating this event in your life.

We're two years on from losing our dd. We're gradually getting more able to join in with normal life, and more likely to feel joy and delight in things. It's complicated and always bittersweet, but we're getting there.

Try not to be scared by her grief, or at least not to let her see that you're scared for her. Make sure she hears that she will survive and learn to live on. Hold her up when you can.

midori1999 Wed 14-Jul-10 21:07:09

I am so sorry for your family's loss.

I lost my twin baby girls on 30th April and 9th May. I am not sure I will ever get over it, I feel like a part of me is gone forever and it hurts more than anything I can't ever see my beautiful girls again.

My family kept thinking it hadn't hit me yet, but it had. You just have to find a way to somehow carry on. I hope your sister has lots of support, it sounds like she has a wonderful sister to help her through what will surely be the hardest time of her life.

grapeandlemon Wed 14-Jul-10 19:26:40

I am so sorry for your family's loss sad

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longbay Wed 14-Jul-10 19:23:46

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts with me. I am very very sad. We had the funeral today and it was terrible. My sister was so strong. But I am so scared that over the next few days it's going to hit her.

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giraffesCanDanceInTheSun Tue 13-Jul-10 21:48:28

So sorry to hear that, SANDS are a great support, met some lovely people on there. I don't think you do ever recover, just learn to live with it.

Harimo Tue 13-Jul-10 21:48:16

My DH's son died at 4 months, 13 years ago.

He is still my DH's child and still part of our family.

I don't think you ever get over it.

I'm so sorry about your nephew.

Deemented Tue 13-Jul-10 21:45:14

IMO, you don't ever recover from it, but you do learn ways of living with it, of coping day to day.

For me sometimes it's as if i've had part of me amputated... and no matter how much i want, hope, pray, i know i can never ever have that vital part of me back.

The pain is there every single day, some days are better then others, some.. well some aren't.

I'm sorry sorry that your nephew died. Devestatingly awful. There are no words.

AbiAbi Tue 13-Jul-10 21:26:37

Hi Longbay.

My son died in December, he was 7wks and 6days.

I don't think 'recovering' is possible to be honest. You learn how to deal with it, how to get back to 'reality' and I try very hard to focus on the positives and look to the future. It comforts me to know that the 7wks before he got I'll were the happiest in my life.

I am so sorry for your sisters loss, and your own. The bereaved mums thread here is incredible, the ladies there will take your breath away with their bravery.

SparkleRainbow Tue 13-Jul-10 12:15:25

I don't think you ever do. I think you have to be led by her, if she wants to talk about him let her, if she wants to avoid the subject for a while that is fine too. It is so tragic, and am so sorry for you all. sad My thoughts are with you at this awful time.

longbay Tue 13-Jul-10 10:58:27

My sister's two months old baby boy died last week.
How on earth will she ever recover from this?

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