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Need to rant - nearly three year old DD doing my head in...

(36 Posts)
missmakesstuff Sun 17-Mar-13 10:27:19

DH is having his lie in (we alternate) although I am about to call time on it soon as actually he is just pretending to be asleep to avoid the tantrumming downstairs She is bloody tired all the time because recently has gone through a week of not going off to sleep straightaway, wanting to come downstairs and being away until gone 8, however being up at 6-7am every morning. In fact she is tired all the time, it's all she every says, and is sleeping during the day most days too, so I think she is growing and most of this is down to that, but...

This morning we have had a bowl of muesli and yoghurt, asked for, moaned about then tipped all over the floor with a very proud 'Finished!'. We have had screaming over wearing socks, including kicking me in the face. I have got everything ready to go swimming and now she won't go as won't get dressed and says she is too tired. Gone up to her room as she wanted to go back to bed, hasn't slept but has peed all over her bed. Cue more washing for me and another change of clothes, more screaming and wrestling to get her into them - ashamed to say I was a bit rough but just needed to get her dressed.

Now happily playing with a bloody annoying singing leprechaun toy and a bead she found. It's a tiny football apparently. SO obviously love her again now.

But can I just say; GAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Terrible twos? pah, I laugh in your face. Not sure what to call this - Fucking awful threes?

ATeacherWritesHome Sun 17-Mar-13 10:31:34

I'm recommending this book on another thread and I saw your woe and thought you might like it too as it sounds like what you're going through is absolutely horrible. Poor you!
Books is called [[ 123 Magic] I've linked to Amazon so you can see reviews, and why it's sold a million copies. My friend's son was pulling vile tantrums that stopped her working from home and this book saved her sanity, just like it saved mine after my OH left home. I have three and I've got to say if it works on three, it will definitely work on one little angel! & yes it works for sleep too!
Best of luck!
& no, I'm not on commission and I don't know the author!

ATeacherWritesHome Sun 17-Mar-13 10:32:00


missmakesstuff Sun 17-Mar-13 10:42:08

Thanks so much - will have a look, they have a kindle version too so can get it instantly...
DH is up now, I can go out and do some errands to get out of the house for a bit...He is currently being commanded to draw monkeys and seals so she is happy. Still won't wear any socks.

She is great most of the time, just always tired at the moment, so everything is a huge deal. We also had a recent bereavement and I have got work (teacher) coming out of my ears that I need to do at home - like your friend, it is very difficult and I hate being shouty.

Will give it a go, all calm at the moment at least.

ATeacherWritesHome Sun 17-Mar-13 10:53:09

Let me know if it works! You're not alone, btw. All kids do this at some point. My DD was a monster when she was three! Wish I'd had that book then!

ATeacherWritesHome Sun 17-Mar-13 10:53:51

I mean - I assume most kids do this! All mine have had their special moments!

brettgirl2 Sun 17-Mar-13 11:09:22

I found with my dd around that age if she had everything her way she was awful. The less I tried to please her and make her happy the better she was. Long walks and jobs around the house before playing with toys were the way forward. It also gives something to praise them for.

Girlsville Sun 17-Mar-13 14:08:14

Hi OP, are you me? I was about to post something v similar about my dd1 who just turned three. We got through the terrible 2s relatively well but she has literally turned into a monster in last few weeks. Constantly tired, whining, awful at sharing, meltdowns if she doesn't get her away, rude and defiant at times and having awful rolling on floor tantrums. Am at my wits end too!

I think a lot is due to tiredness but it's a really difficult age.

SinisterBuggyMonth Sun 17-Mar-13 18:54:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScillyCow Sun 17-Mar-13 18:55:47

123 magic was indeed magic for our 3 year old twin boys.

Has taken the shouty out of me completely. It is so much better.

Best of luck


missmakesstuff Sun 17-Mar-13 22:52:34

Thanks all, yes we have had a day of it, dd had a brief lovely period, then a sleep that helped, but this evening got very upset that we were making her go to bed and she wanted to stay in the kitchen, sorry, beach, digging holes...I do admire her amazing imagination but it just gets difficult when you have to do life stuff, like rating and sleeping. She is finally asleep, but was awake till 10 s a poo woke her up.
Reading book on my kindle tonight, will report back!

missmakesstuff Sun 17-Mar-13 22:53:08

Rating? Eating! Stupid phone.

WorkingtoohardMama Sun 17-Mar-13 23:00:52

I was also going to post about the terrible 3's, so thank you for this post!

The 2003 edition of that book is very cheap on amazon - I tempted to get it, but wonder if I'll be missing out on something revolutionary in the 2010 edition!

ATeacherWritesHome Mon 18-Mar-13 09:24:46

Hug to you guys. Mine were the same, but I think when you look back it seems smaller than when you're right in the middle of the screamathon. Not sure about different editions of 123.
We totally need a new concept of terrible 3s. They can be worse, somehow!

PanpiperAtTheGatesOfYawn Mon 18-Mar-13 10:19:26

I was about to post about my 3 year old's militant tantrums but thought I'd hop on yours missmakes I know it's completely normal and common but FUCKING HELL. But am not sure if I'm handling them right. DD is very passionate and I am naturally equable (possibly stolid!) so I find it a bit baffling and often stand there just looking at her.

This am was a perfect storm - DD1 hates going to nursery (but always comes back having had 'a lovely day' - her words), then DH, who had been away on a business trip came home just in time for breakfast. So that was the catalyst.

She refused to put her shoes on then lay on the floor screaming and kicking. we were running late, so I put her in the car anyway, quite roughly as she was struggling blush sad. Then she wanted Daddy (who gave her hugs and kisses as she screamed and vacillated between 'I love you daddy/I want ANOTHER daddy'.) Eventually I said, 'look you'll just have to go' so he did. DD demanded a toy which I got, then her princess pen, which i couldn't find, then we had screaming for about 10 minutes, which set DD2 off. She calmed down, remembered we were going to nursery and started again. I told her how much fun she would have, it was only until lunch etc etc, but not acceptable. Then I'm afraid I lost it and said, 'you have to go to nursery and now I'm in a bad mood and you won't want to spend the morning with me.' sad

Got to nursery and she clamped herself on me, still screaming and crying which was pretty embarrassing and awful and now I am at home feeling completely useless and wondering if I am doing her emotional damage.

brettgirl2 Mon 18-Mar-13 16:58:13

I think I find it hard to believe that your 3 year old kicked off, demanded a toy then another one while you searched round for them. Why? She's not a baby, but a little girl who is being naughty.

I really think that at around 3 they understand cause and effect perfectly and the tantrums are often staged and controlled.

I'd be taking toys off her not scrabbling round while she screamed at me. If she refuses to put shoes on put dd2 into the car and tell her to follow when ready.

It took a while for this to click in but instilling discipline, putting clothes away, tidying up toys really helped mine.

brettgirl2 Mon 18-Mar-13 17:06:29

Just one other thing the nursery. Might it be better to do 2 and a half full days? If you look around you may be able to find one that you can just pay for lunchtime. It is deffo possible round here. That way it is not a battle everyday!

missmakesstuff Mon 18-Mar-13 21:31:50

Sympathy to you panpiper, I know most of the timeif I didn't have things to do, places to be, work to do, dinner to make and I din't care about the mess then days would be so much easier - but of course this is life and we just have to teach them that they have to sometimes toe the line and do things like wear shoes!

I do sometimes try to put myself in her place - hard to do when she is getting over obsessed about a toy or something though - especially when she is describing something we have no idea exists!

I am trying to take a deep breath and calm myself at the moment - she is in bed and settled for tonight, we had a good day and ok evening although had tantrums - but at my mums! Few tears before bed but just tiredness..So we shall see...

PanpiperAtTheGatesOfYawn Tue 19-Mar-13 14:01:29

brettgirl2 I totally get what you are saying but I was in that state where the idea of driving with the screaming was horrendous so I wanted something to comfort her, as it happened I couldn't find the fucking princess pen so the screaming happened anyway. There was a brief hiatus of about 3 mins before she realised we were nearly at nursery when it started again grin. I am embarrassed about how hopeless and weak I must appear when it's written down like this!

I do think I need to reminded that she is not a baby, my issue is that I am terrified of doing it 'wrong'. I almost need someone else (you?!) to give me permission to discipline her as I worry she is too young and I might squash her. My mum says I am over thinking it (of course). I am consistent in what can and can't happen so I avoid a lot of tantrums that way (ie she knows if I say no I mean no and I can't be got round) but once they happen I seem to lose control.

re: nursery: she does 1.5 days and it is a battle both mornings. Though not normally this bad.

missmakes putting myself in her place - exactly. She seems so genuinely distraught.

butterflyexperience Tue 19-Mar-13 14:22:55

I feel your pain

I too have an almost 3 year old and she's driving me crazy

She too is tired and is not eating very well for the past few months since having the nori virus in November

Dd2 is lucky she's cute or I would have sold her to the gypsies by now wink

My only advice is that her big sister was like this too and has thankfully grown out of it (dd1 is 5) so there is light at the end of the tunnel smile

butterflyexperience Tue 19-Mar-13 14:26:57

Oh and my big insight into this age is that they want control but also want you to do it all for them too.

It's an inner battle in themselves they are fighting

They are not always being 'naughty' and needing discipline

Sometimes comfort can be as effective

Only you can judge each situation and decide to take control as parent, ignore, discipline or comfort.

onceipopicantstop Tue 19-Mar-13 14:32:26

Can't tell you how relieved I feel after reading these threads - both about other 3 year olds and how you as parents respond!! My DS just turned 3 and I'm finding it really hard at the moment. He is naughty, defiant and I'm afraid knows just how to wind me up!! I try to stay calm but am finding myself becoming more and more of a shouty mum - which I hate and always feel guity about afterwards sad. He is a very loving little boy but recently when we are out he seems to go out of his way to push and be rough with other children, particularly small children - this really embarrasses me, but he shows little remorse even if the other child is upset (please tell me this is normal behaviour for a 3 year old??). Recently he very deliberately jumped onto a small child's head in the ball pit at soft play - just after I had pointed the child out and asked him to be careful.

Interested to hear about the 123 magic book recommended above - might have to give it a go.

PanpiperAtTheGatesOfYawn Tue 19-Mar-13 14:47:00

once I may not know much but I can answer the question about not showing remorse being normal - hell yes!

I saw a programme where someone described all small children as sociopaths grin - they are not yet sophisticated enough to understand other people's feelings and frankly why they should care about them.

However they are just starting to be able to put themselves in someone else's shoes. You should be able to talk it through with him - i.e. 'if someone stamped on your head how would you feel?' DD is just starting to get that she has to share - not because she wants to - but because she gets a better quality of play with her friends when she does so. It's an entirely self-centred decision.

butterfly Only you can judge each situation and decide to take control as parent, ignore, discipline or comfort. But I don't feel I can tell sad

onceipopicantstop Tue 19-Mar-13 14:56:19

Thanks Panpiper - that's reassuring. I do talk through his behaviour with him - but he agrees it was wrong at the time and then promptly goes and does the same thing again 5 minutes later!! If I ask him why he has done something his current response is usually "I can't remember" - which is probably true as I think alot of this behaviour is completely impulsive and not thought through at all (although possibly not when he jumped on the child's head...).

The hardest thing for me at the moment is remembering to take a breath, remain calm and not shout - all that achieves is upsetting both of us!

PanpiperAtTheGatesOfYawn Tue 19-Mar-13 15:42:35

DD1 is all about the 'I can't remember" 'I don't know' grin

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