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Really worried now - not crawling, shuffling, cruising or walking at 17m. Help please!!!

(50 Posts)
MrsHelenBee Wed 02-Jan-13 23:05:44

My ds is the happiest, most loving little boy, and I totally understand that all babies develop at different rates but, having taken people's advice to try and relax and be patient when I first asked for advice before around his first birthday, I'm now getting really worried about how left behind is.
Family were originally supportive and told me not to worry but my in-laws are now asking what I'm doing/not doing, and what's wrong with him, and I'm terrified it's down to my failure as a parent and I've let him down. The last of his friends are all walking very confidently and he's not totally left behind and watches them tear around the place, never seem to show any inclination to join them.
He's only recently started to pull at my clothes as if he might try to pull himself up, but be lets go without really trying. He moves around the room quickly by a process of rolling, turning and twisting, going between sitting, laying and the crawling position, and my husband keeps saying "Stop worrying, he's all but there", but he's been able to hold the crawling position for months without actually progressing. If he does move, he rocks a bit, then lets his legs slip - so reversing is going quite well!
We have moving toys, walkers, trolleys and an activity table to encourage him to pull to standing and want to walk, but nothing happens.
My HV has been calling me monthly since his 1yr review, asking is he's any closer to walking and reminding me that we're getting ever closer to the 18m marker when he should be walking, or gets referred.
For a short time, we could stand him between us and the foot stool, propping a favourite book on the top so he was standing to read it, with the support of us behind him and the foot stool in front, but now he refuses and, for the last 3 months, raises his legs and holds them in the pike position if we try to hold him in the standing position.
What have I done wrong?!!!! Am I being irresponsible by not having asked for him to be referred already? I kept hoping that we'd get there, but he's 18m at the end of January and my hope's all but faded.
He chatters away, says well over 50 words and seems to pick up new ones every day; answering my questions and following instructions, reading a photo book on his own and saying nearly all of the pictures correctly. If he's intelligent enough to do this, why is he not more interested in walking, or at least trying to move more.

Really worried, please help!!!!!

SavoirFaire Wed 02-Jan-13 23:10:23

Can't really help I'm afraid but didn't want to leave your post unanswered. I would ask for a referral at this point. But do not worry that you haven't asked for a referral before now - you have definitely been doing all the right things from what you've written here. He will be fine I am sure, but good to consult a professional.

My 16 month old has been walking for a while but doesn't say a word! We all have our things to worry about...

leobear Wed 02-Jan-13 23:14:26

I totally understand how worried you are - my own daughter didn't walk until 18 months, and I was the same - used to dream about her walking. We were referred at 17 months, but she was walking by the time we saw the paediatrician. Still, it was a relief in any case to get her reflexes tested etc and rule out any problems.

Can be bear weight on his legs at all? Some children don't walk until they are 2, I think the weight bearing thing is more important. I know you say he doesn't want to stand (DD went through a phase like that), but can he actually do it?

FredWorms Wed 02-Jan-13 23:19:03

Don't forget that in order for these windows/deadlines to exist there has to be children who are at the extremes of those windows; ie those that first walk as early as 9m (or whatever) and as late as 18m. In all likelihood your boy is one of those, and in a few years time you'll all be raising eyebrows at the angst he caused you.

Sounds as though you have good HV support, and a referral still doesn't necessarily mean a problem. smile

FredWorms Wed 02-Jan-13 23:20:38

Oh, I should add that DS (now 13) didn't walk until 17m and he's still more of a..erm...cerebral type even now! smile

MrsRandom78 Wed 02-Jan-13 23:27:22

If you're worried you should speak to your HV for advice. Please don't beat yourself up about things you've done/not done - you sound like a loving mum to me!

Willowme Wed 02-Jan-13 23:44:18

My nephew didn't walk until 22mo, he's probably the most active 9 yr old I know now. Some babies just take longer fr no apparent reason please don't worry too much. You'll probably think back on this at some stage in the future when your running after him and laugh.

seaweed74 Thu 03-Jan-13 00:19:13

Your dc's late walking is not your fault. Some dc walk early, some walk late, sometimes there's a problem that once corrected allows dc to walk. In my case dd1 walked at 2.10 years (hypermobility- unable to stand till 2.3years) and dd2 walked at 9 months! I had both extremes! Sounds like your HV is on the ball. If your dc isn't walking by end of Jan, don't worry about being referred. Better to get a check-up sooner rather than later. Hard not to worry though, I know that all too well.

Jenda Thu 03-Jan-13 00:25:13

no real advice but just wanted to say i didnt walk until i was 17 months. was happy as Larry just looking at things even though in other ways like reading/ talking etc i was advanced. im sure he'll do it. he's probably laughing at you making such an effort and will sprint across the room soon! no harm in getting him checked out to make sure all is as it should be. he sounds lovely smile

Clary Thu 03-Jan-13 00:31:35

He sounds fab OP and I am sure you are a great mum, this is nothing you've done or not done.

BUT I would definitely get a referral if he is unable/won't/can't bear weight; people saying he will walk soon seem to have missed that.

A referral can pick up possible issues like problems with hips (a friend's DD had issues here and wouldn't bear weight) so should help.

Incidentally pal's DD eventually walked with no need for major interventio ie surgery (a possibility at one time as her hip joint was not developed) at about 22mo. She's fine now (9yo!) but I do think they were glad at the time to have the paed on their case.

Nandocushion Thu 03-Jan-13 00:32:13

A friend of mine was in the same boat with a DS the same age. They got their referral and their DS has a global developmental delay. This was upsetting for them, but since he's been getting therapy he's progressing at an amazing rate and they think he will be ready to start school on time (age 5 here). I would get that referral.

Biscuitsneeded Thu 03-Jan-13 09:47:29

Don't panic. My DS 2 didn't walk until 18 months, and my nephew and niece didn't until 22 and 23 months. My son crawled, but the others just sat there, or occasionally dragged themselves to where they wanted to be! In all three cases there is a degree of hypermobility which may have affected their ability to get going. Anyway they are all aged between 6 and 10 now, and the two boys are absolutely normal and the little girl is positively talented at ballet, so DO NOT WORRY! You could go to GP and ask for a paed appointment just in case hypermobility/hypotonia is the issue but to be honest all you will get is a diagnosis and your son will probably walk between the referral and the appointment date (mine did, anyway!).

Biscuitsneeded Thu 03-Jan-13 09:48:16

PS Yours clearly hasn't got global delay if he is talking that well....

babySophieRose Thu 03-Jan-13 10:26:19

Try to encourage him, hold his hands and walk with him, put a toy few steps before him when doing it, let him stand in the cot by himself or with your help. He needs strong muscles before starts walking. A friend had been in the same situation, baby was big and took him longer to walk, and some times they are just scared to do it.

Lucy411 Thu 03-Jan-13 10:43:02

My lb walked at 8 months but my cousin didn't until over 2 years his was something to do with his hips being weak, used to have to bum shuffle everywhere, babies do progress at different ages but just to relax my mind I would see a specialist

firawla Thu 03-Jan-13 11:52:27

I would get the referral asap, he is not bearing weight or pulling himself up this is more of an issue than the actual walking?
It's nothing to do with whether he is or isn't intelligent, there can be loads of things like hypermobility, low muscle tone etc - he needs to see physio
even if he walks before the appointment comes through, he should still see the physio btw, atleast for a check.

motherinferior Thu 03-Jan-13 11:56:37

I agree with getting a referral. It may well be no concern (my DD1 took bloody ages to do any getting off her pretty little tush) but worth checking out.

lisad123everybodydancenow Thu 03-Jan-13 11:57:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lisad123everybodydancenow Thu 03-Jan-13 11:57:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SchroSawMargeryDaw Thu 03-Jan-13 12:03:17

My DS started walking at 13 months but didn't crawl or anything before that, he learned in the bath, so maybe try in a pool where he will feel lighter?

I know they were worried that maybe his hips weren't right so maybe it's worth a quick trip to the GP?

SchroSawMargeryDaw Thu 03-Jan-13 12:04:33

He still can't crawl at 15 months btw, some babies just can't do it, he can't even sit on all fours.

Justaoneoff Thu 03-Jan-13 12:21:03

You say he moves around the room quickly (after his own fashion), and he has a good range of vocab which I am sure exceeds the abilities of his toddling friends. It is true that they do all progress at different rates, and perhaps he is able to get around perfectly well enough for what he wants to do, and is putting his efforts into speech etc.

My DS is almost 16 months and doesn't walk yet. He doesn't seem very keen to try either, but the rate at which he gets himself about, I am sure that walking just wouldn't be fast enough. I can't even console myself with his remarkable linguistic feats either. But, he is a very happy little chap, and it hasn't even crossed my mind that something is wrong - it'll all happen when he is good and ready.

It sounds as though your HV has been far from helpful with her monthly progress reports - I am not surprised you are feeling a bit panicky. At least you know that if he gets referred at 18 months if something is wrong it will be picked up - but in the meantime focus on the positives.

MrsHelenBee Fri 04-Jan-13 12:18:54

To all of you....

Thank you so much for all of support and reassurance. I've just discovered some close relations on my husband's side had issues with weak hips, which could explain things but, either way, it sounds like so many of you have had experience of being referred for a child's progress/development, and I don't feel so isolated now. I'd never put off any help he needed, but have felt such a failure as a mummy, that I was desperate for him to get there over Christmas so I wouldn't have to ask for the referral. However, I'm giving the HV a call p.m to ask for an appt and a referral - a step forward at the very least.
I'm still receiving treatment for postnatal depression and post traumatic stress disorder after a very difficult pregnancy and birth, a long stay in hospital and emergency stays with DS when he was just days old....I feel like I'm in a very dark and cold place most days, and I find it so hard to see the positives. That must sound so ungrateful when I have a beautiful little boy but I feel so low such a lot of the time, and so undeserving of such a lovely little boy, that I end up crying into my duvet when he has a nap. This isn't about me though, it's about my DS, and I'd never forgive myself if I didn't take the right action when it was needed, so I'm trying to keep my chin up.
Thank you all again, you sound like great mummies with some lovely children. They say that babies choose their parents and, if that'a true, then I'm the luckiest mummy ever!
I'll re-post with our progress as and when - it seems the least I can do when you've all imparted advice and taken the time to help, thank you xxx

littletime Fri 04-Jan-13 19:49:56

My dd was the same as yours. Had monthly calls about her development. The hv was happy that she had over 50 words by 17 months and even more by 18. I had a check up with go at 18 months and her hips were all fine. Finally at a week before 19 months she moved, stood up and wandered off! She's now potty trained four weeks later! Try not to worry too much before a referral, it might be that he'd rather watch like mine!

JoulesM Fri 04-Jan-13 20:07:53

So he can sit independently and transition from lying on his tummy to sitting independently? When did he roll? Hold his head up independently? Can I just ask whether he can crawl yet? I think not crawling (even in a commando style) at nearly 18m would def warrant a referral to a paediatrician/Child development team. He may as some people have mentioned be bendy (hypermobile) and some good pead physio will make all the difference! I'm a paediatric OT so often see kids for problems related to delayed gross motor development.

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