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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

My 3 year old just wants to be a baby...

15 replies

tweetyfish · 18/08/2005 21:33

Really not sure of the best way to tackle this problem. DS is 3.1, is very bright but refuses to be a "big boy". When I call him a big grown up boy, he'll just laugh and say "No mummy, I'm a baby!"

He isn't potty trained (I think he could do it if he put his mind to it and wanted to do it but seems really reluctant, again I think as it would make him a big boy), still drinks from a beaker and refuses a glass, very rarely helps getting him dressed/undressed (although did both the other night with no problems.

He has a 9 month old baby sister which my I think may be where the problem lies. He still gets plenty of mummy time ( I worry that DD doesn't get enough attention), loves her to bits but is pobably a little jealous of her still.

I'm not overly bothered with him not being potty trained, or other big boy things but I do worry that he's upset or worrying about growing up, and that I'm damaging his self esteem somehow. I've racked my brains as to what I could be doing wrong/ could do better, but really not sure. I want to be able to make him look foward to growing up without wishing my baby girl's babyhood away, it's over so quick as it is!

Any one got any ideas?

OP posts:

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MumOnaMission · 18/08/2005 21:46

Perhaps if there was some advantage to being a "big boy". I.e. only big boys .... someone else fill in the gap please as I've gone past being creative this evening.

Alipiggie · 18/08/2005 21:49

Hi tweetyfish Dos your ds help with is baby sister at all - get nappies etc. Got my ds1 to do that for ds2. all must say even now when ds1 is tired he says - I'm a baby mummy and he's 3.5 now. Sounds like your ds is just trying to keep being Mummy's baby wouldn't worry unduly. Have you tried a sticker/reward chart for helping/dressing. Found this worked a treat for potty training. This is all a bit garbled but hope it helps a bit

tweetyfish · 18/08/2005 21:52

Thanks guys, it does help! hadn't thought of sticker chart to be honest as I thought he'd be too young still, but he is quite clever so may be worth a go! He loves helping getting her stuff, always gets her nappy, wipes and Sudocrem ready, tells her to be good and not wriggle and keeps her amused - just won't do any of that for himself!

OP posts:

cori · 18/08/2005 21:55

My DS is a bit like this is 3.6. For a long time he refused to identify with being 3 saying' I am not 3 I am 2' or 'three sad, two happy'.
I dont know why this is.
I try tell him about all the fun things he can do now he is a big boy like, climb up the slide, go to preschool, go to the movies with mummy etc.
DS likes to be dependent too. He will get himself dressed sometimes but with lots of prompting.... he wants me to do everything. He says things like 'I cant do it I am too little'.
I try and praise him at other times by getting him to think of all the things he is good at like running, jumping , counting, colours etc. Even if he is not very good at it I tell him he is so he will keep trying.

tweetyfish · 18/08/2005 22:13

If only he could be my baby forever!!! . I too have told him and pointed out how much fun he can have that DD cannot - she cannot go on the rides at legoland, eat nice food, talk, go to the cinema etc, but he seems unconvinced.

OP posts:

singersgirl · 19/08/2005 12:15

DS2 (all but 4) is like this sometimes. At bedtime he turns into "Little Baby X" and crawls to his bed, only saying "Gaga googoo, Mama". I've told him it's fine to feel like a baby sometimes, and he'll always be my baby etc. When I say things like "Oh, you won't be going to school tomorrow, then, if you're a baby now", he replies "I won't be a baby tomorrow - I'll be a big boy then". I think it's just his reaction to the stresses and expectations of growing up - dressing, eating, behaving for strangers, learning at nursery and at home. Not quite sure how to deal with it, though, as he is only a baby at bedtime....I have tried to make a point of praising all the 'big boy' things he does and talking up some big boy activities, like watching certain videos, swimming etc. HTH somewhat.

EnidfromtheVILLAGE · 19/08/2005 12:28

well my dd is nearly 3 and still in a cot and refuses to be potty trained also.

she loves being a baby. Although she is very good at getting dressed etc.

If you dont have a problem with it then I'd just leave him. Personally I have crossed a line somewhere and it now doesnt feel right that she is still in a cot/not potty trained and I am about to make a concerted effort to do it/find a bed I like.

dd2 has no self esteem issues (ha! she thinks she is utterly marvellous) and no baby sister to blame!

I think a sticker chart would definitely work and also giving him little chores to do might help. Does he go to nursery at all?

EnidfromtheVILLAGE · 19/08/2005 12:29

oh yes telling them that they will always be your baby is a good one

mine go totally soppy over that

Groggymama · 19/08/2005 12:31

sounds like my ds3 too, goes all soppy and calls me mummycat, wants his white anyway-up-cup and doggy and blankie at night! the mummycat started when ds2 (now 5 mnths) came home from hospital. he cant pull his keks down to go to the loo yet, but stands up to wee like his dad which gets lots of praise. Your boy sounds bright so don't worry - is he playing a game to make sure you love him as much as his lil sis?

mummylonglegs · 19/08/2005 12:31

Most nights after her bath my dd, nearly 3, asks me to wrap her in the towel 'like a baby' and then hold her while we both admire what a cute baby she is in the mirror. And she said to me the other day 'I don't think I'll get any bigger now, mummy, I want to stay small like this.' Well, she's got sense. But anyway, just to say, I'd indulge him to a degree while at the same time as others have suggested reminding him that there ARE advantages to getting bigger too.

mummylonglegs · 19/08/2005 12:32

Enid, me too re. the cot business. If you do find a nice bed could you send me a link? I don't know where / how to start.

EnidfromtheVILLAGE · 19/08/2005 12:34

dd1 has a lovely one from John Lewis but they have discontinued it now.

The only nice ones I have found are madly expensive.

dot1 · 19/08/2005 12:35

Our ds1 is a lot like this - he's 3.7 and is only just potty trained - he knew when he needed to go but refused to be a big boy - "I'm always going to be a baby!". He's got a baby brother so I can see where it's come from... He also has up until very recently insisted that I feed him his tea - even though he eats perfectly well himself at nursery 2 days a week and at his grandparents' houses! But we've almost stopped that now.

His latest thing is he doesn't want to move up to the pre-school class at nursery - as that will mean he's getting to be a big boy!

Hopefully it's something we just get through and he'll start to enjoy the good things about being older?!

tortoiseshell · 19/08/2005 12:38

I got a cute bed from Mothercare - here but in a different finish. Cost less than £100 altogether with the mattress and both my kids have loved it.

EnidfromtheVILLAGE · 19/08/2005 12:47

thanks for that tortoiseshell

I think I might get her the duck egg painted one from that site. Ta.

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