Whatever I say, whatever I do, my 5 year old WON'T wipe his bum and has poo caked pants daily. I BEG you to help me!!

[Spidermama]

I am at a complete loss to understand what's going on here.

DS4, who's 5, has been wiping his own bum since he was about three. As with the ot, hers, I talked him through it in the early days, gave praise, made sure he was doing it right.

In the last 8 months or so he has regressed. He simply doesn't bother to wipe his bum.I keep finding unflushed poos in the lavatory with no loo roll.

I've tried going through it with him again, I've tried explaining how no-one will want to be near him because it's horrible to smell of poo, I'vew explained about germs and how disgusting it is for the rest of the family. I even put up posters reminding him, by name, to flush the loo and wipe his bum thinking he would be so embarrassed he'd cooperate.

He just doesn't seem to care.

Any ideas how to go on from here? I've completely lost patience. It's unacceptably foul.

[Tryharder]

My DS1 (same age) has to be reminded to wipe his bum. Not sure what the solution is, if any. TBH, I have assumed it's a phase that will pass. If anyone on here as any bright ideas, i would also love to hear them.

[GypsyMoth]

laziness!

does he still wash his hands afterwards?

[Tortoise]

My 5yr old DD2 is the same. Her knickers are disgusting. Even found a nugget of poo on the landing where she had put a pile of washing that i had picked up. Ewww! Had to bin a few pairs of knickers because they were too bad to get the crusted poo out of.

Will be watching thread with interest!

[yomellamoHelly]

Ds1 went through this. Wasn't an issue until he went to school. Would get better during holidays when I'm aways arou d and then get worse again term time. Anyway would ask him each time and send him back if he hadn't wiped / flushed / washed hands with soap. Now he self checks and goes running back about a thrid of the time when he sees me. Trying to do same now with regards to his aim on wees (keeps leaving puddles on the loo seat).

[Spidermama]

I'm ridiculously relieved it's not just me.

Lol at Tortoise's dd's nugget. I too have thrown away some pairs because I just don't want to put them in the washing machine with other stuff and I don't want to rub them. It stinks!

Would it be fair to make him rub off the poo from the pants? I haven't done this yet as I reckon it'll just spread the aroma to his already grotty hands.

[bibbitybobbityhat]

I guess you have to discipline him the same way you would for any other misdemeanour. He is just being lazy. If my ds did something deliberately that I found completely unacceptable then I would take away his tv priviliges, swimming, friends round to tea, that sort of thing. Don't feel bad about taking a firm stand on this - it is not the same as a potty training toddler having accidents, so you don't need to be patient and understanding. Get cross!

[Spidermama]

Yomell mine also leaves puddles.

Pixie I would like to supervise but I never see him go as am always busy in another room.

[belledechocolatefluffybunny]

Ds is 11 and I'm still having this problem. All I can do is have the 'sore bum' discussion and make sure he bathes. He does smell sometimes, it can't be nice for him. It did improve after I told him that he'd end up getting a sore bum and I'd have to take him to see the GP though. His pants have not been as bad since then.

[Spidermama]

Bibbity I have indeed got cross believe me. Maybe removal of scooter for a day each time I find more poo.

When I ask him why he doesn't wipe he says it's because he's too busy playing and it's boring wiping his bu.

[Spidermama]

I will try to GP threat Belle. Great idea!

[belledechocolatefluffybunny]

Can you tell him that you will check, if he's not wiped it then he'll have to go back and do it, then he'll have to wipe it twice which will make the time he has left to play before supper/bed time shorter?

[Jamiki]

Maybe tell him his fave character (insert Ben 10, Batman, whoever) ALWAYS wipes after pooing.

Maybe tell him (or have someone else tell him) that he'll get treasure out of the treasure box if he wipes from here on in. (That worked on my 6yo DD by the school dentist to get her to stop thumbsucking after 3 years and countless attempts by us).

PS, the the 'treasure' she picked was some little macdonalds happy meal toy!

[IndigoSky]

I asked ds1 why he didn't wipe his bum and he told me "it's a really messy and smelly job mummy and I know you don't mind those".

[Ineed2]

My Dd used to say she wouldn't wipe her bum because she didn't want to get poo on her hands, I continued to wipe her till she was 6 [she possibly has aspergers], When she went to school she would just pull her pants up if she did a poo at school, Has he maybe got poo on his hands and couldn't cope with it. I would try not saying too much but check his pants and send him to change if they are dirty. Sometimes these things cure themselves quicker if less fuss is made. IYSWIM. Good luck.

[belledechocolatefluffybunny]

I've also used a poor boy called 'Leon' I 'went to school with'. Poor 'Leon' would get up to allsorts, whenever I want to give him an example of a little boy that didn't wipe his bum so he'd smell and all his friends didn't want to sit next to him/a child that was rude to his teacher so he wasn't picked to be in the play/forgot his homework so he'd have to stay in at playtime etc, poor 'Leon' would get a mention.

[Spidermama]

Yes I reckon I knew a Leon.

[belledechocolatefluffybunny]

Poor Leon, he used to get into so many problems. I think even ds feels sorry for him by now
I think it helps, it takes the problem away from them so you are not saying 'this is what will happen if you don't wipe your bum' but they can still understand the effects.

[Chil1234]

You've tried embarrassment, explanation, encouragement... He doesn't care and he may even think it's amusing. I think you now have to treat this like any other antisocial behaviour (spitting, fighting, injuring small animals) get seriously tough and read him the riot act.

You say you've lots patience.... so go with the flow. Get angry.

[Spidermama]

I have got angry already. I need practical punishments now. Scooter withdrawal, biscuit limits, pudding amnesties etc.

Right! I reckon he has just gone in. Here I go.

[Nointhemood]

My ds was like this too keep reminding him and checking his bum after he's pooed at home then show him each time that he wipes until it is clean and make him do it. My ds 5 is very lazy but has finally mastered it although i still check it at bedtime and give it a wipe if it needs it. I dont expect it to be spotlessly clean i.e around him bum hole as he is a 5 and a boy but i dont expect his under wear to be caked. In terms of school i send him in dark loose boxer shorts!!!

[Nointhemood]

p.s ive noticed that i sem to be running out of toilet roll vey quickly lately

[colditz]

buy him some of that wet toilet tissue and let him use it.

[nowherewoman]

Could he have a sore bottom possibly?