mummys behaviour and development overhaul(12 Posts)
put this under B/D as it's really my behaviour and development is the problem. DS is almost two, i'm a single parent and find i am exhausted most of the time and just don't have the energy to play football and go the park etc. i also don't have the mental energy to explain things through :ie, why he can't eat the cat, why he should eat veg, why hitting is naughty... i find i am a very critical mother and so do not want to be. i am not enjoying motherhood as i should, am i a bad mummy or do all you 'yummy mummies' sometimes feel like you'd like to have your life back. feeling so unhappy, wish i was a better mummy as DS is really an amazing little person, so bright and bubbly and so loving and forgiving.
I think it is important to take them out. My ds is 23 months and he needs at least 1 hour running around in the morning and in the afternoon. In those 1 or 2 hours which we normally spend at a local park/or playgroup he can do whatever he wants, he can run, throw the ball around or whatever. My life is basically impossible if he does not go out twice a day. It always amazes to hear about mums spending the pms at home with their toddlers without killing them.
thanks ll, perhaps it's all a matter of attitude and routine, just feel i need time off,
livvysmum, I have a very helpful and supportive DH and I'm still exhausted so I really admire women who manage it on their own.
I think ll's advice is good. A toddler group with other kids to play with will allow him to use all that energy whilst you sit back with a cuppa! By reducing the intensity of your 1 to 1 relationship, you'll probably find you've got more time and energy.
BTW, you're not a bad mum. Nobody said it was easy!
livvysmum, I suspect that you need some more support. Toddlers are extremely hard work, and demanding on our time and energy, and as a single mum I suspect you are getting no respite.
If you have family around, why not see if they can look after your ds for maybe an afternoon a week? Use the time to pamper yourself - have a long bath, get your hair done, wander round the shops - make it "me" time. It will recharge your batteries and make it easier to cope with ds, at least for a while!
If you don't have family, do you have any friends who have young toddlers too? Maybe you could arrange to look after their child for an afternoon in return for them looking after yours another afternoon - that way you both get some free time.
The other thing you can do is see if you can take ds to some organised activities. When my dds were this age, I used to go to mums and tots group, a music group, and a worship group, each one occupying the best part of a morning or afternoon. Although it's an effort to get yourself to these things, once you are there the time will go quickly, ds will enjoy it, and it gives you a chance to sit back a bit from the "full on" nature of a toddler! You may also make some friends who you can call on from time to time - all helps to relieve the pressure.
Hope some of these ideas are useful
i think its also important to remember that theres no such thing as a perfect mum dispite the adverts - so go easy on yourself becuase sometimes life isn't a bed of roses and we all do what we can just to get by.
best wishes xx
Hey just a thought but homestart are good for lending a helping hand too, I think they have a .com address, they'll send a local volunteer round to help you out for an agreed period of time, that way you can get some you time, even just a quick bath, whilst they watch your bubba in your own home.
Also nearly 2 is a difficult age where they want to do loads but need organising and helping to do it all. It probably isn't a lot of consolation now but it should get easier as your ds gets older and more able to entertain himself for periods.
Hiya, why not enrol on a short course to give you time to yourself? I think you can get your child care paid as well.
But I do agree with the others, you are not a bad mum, you just need some support and time to yourself - you are human.
I'm a lone parent myself and I use to take my ds to the park all the time to tired him out, by the time we get home he's already asleep in the car.
Chin up love and hang in there as it does get better.
thankyou,all your kind and supportive words were really needed. sometimes it's so hard and i feel that sometimes all i need is a little help and encouragment.
thanks for all your suggestions i'll look into toddler groups in the area. i don't believe that motherhood comes naturally, at least not to us all, i think it's a skill thats learned over time, and if we manage to get some of it right i think thats ok.
Good for you livvysmum. Hang on to that attitude and don't beat yourself up if you have a bad day.
Netmums have seperate sites for each region of the country and list toddler groups on each site, thats how i found out about some of our local groups which have been a life saver fro me and dd will def continue when she is at nursery as no 2 arrives soon. I am lucky in that i also have a very supportive dh and family and the grandparents each have her for short spells otherwise i would end up doing something i regret because they can be so demanding. You are not a bad mum, we all have off periods mine can last months keep your chin up and try and get out to a local group. I now have a wonderful network of friends and we arrange regular play dates to give each other an afternoon off becuse we all need a bit of breathing space once in a while to be ourselves not just mum/dw/that daft woman who works at the local supermarket!!!!
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