nursery says 4.4 year old does not interact enough with other children

(17 Posts)
pwpat Thu 27-May-10 15:08:21

Please help a very worried mother! D is 4.4 years old and his nursery says he doesn't interact as much as they would like with the other children. They seem to be saying that he does play with others for a little while then goes off on his own. The health visitor came to see him but said that after only seeing him for this length of time it was difficult for her to say much, but that we should refer him to a specialist. They also said that another concern was that he has no interest in drawing or colouring. D is an only child with very limited interaction with other children. However at the weekend he was at a party where took another little boy by the hand to go and play with some toys! He also semed very happy playing with all the other children and didn't go off on his own once. At home he seems fine to us, playing imaginative games with me and his dad. I have got him to draw cirles ,a square, a triangle although he really isn't interested. He enjoys junk art, gluing and sticking things, he also enjoys playdough. Is it just me or does referring a child at this age, for these reasons, to a specialist seem excessive? If I refuse this appointment and just wait to see how he is at primary school will I be acting wrongly?

OP’s posts: |
Latootle Thu 27-May-10 15:28:49

your son sounds perfectly alright to me please dont worry. My grandson is very much a loner. It took him ages at 5 to play with others and then is very cautious with friends. BUT at home he is a real pickle and very happy and content. Not every child is gregarious.!!!! no dont subject him to any specialist. can cause more harm than good.

pwpat Fri 28-May-10 20:14:19

Thanks Latootle for your answer. Yes my gut instinct is saying let him be as he is developing and changing all the time. My Mum says I was a quiet child and preferred my own company when I was wee and apparently D's Dad was the same, so maybe it's just in the genes. Does anyone else out there have experience of quiet children liking their own company, surely we don't have to jump to the conclusion that there must be something 'wrong' with them?

OP’s posts: |
vegasmum Fri 28-May-10 21:43:18

Message withdrawn

MrsRhettButler Fri 28-May-10 21:47:34

my dd is just the same! she is very friendly with everyone but won't play and interact like the others do, she also says she likes playing by herself. she is very popular as in the other kids all love her, greet her when she comes in so its not like she hasn't got friends, i personally think she has concentration problems, nothing holds her interest for long... i'm not worried because she says she is happy and the teachers seem to think she is happy also

glad its not just her though

pigletmania Fri 28-May-10 21:52:38

your ds sounds completely normal, some children just like their own company tbh, he might be shy. A specialist for what exactly, for being normal shock that hv is being very ott. My dh (highly intelligent man) preferres to be on his own or with just us his family, than meeting friends and socialising. My dh brother, who has an MBA from Oxford and is working as a trader for a major bank used to like his own company as a child. Means nothing imo. Just for the record my dd 3.2 likes her own company and mostly plays on her own than with other children, though will interact occasionally with them at pre school. Lots of support from pre school, they said that she is just a normal little 3 year old. Dont worry.

girliefriend Fri 28-May-10 21:59:12

I think ref to specialist def sounds a bit ott! However has he had a hearing test as might explain some of the issues with interaction. Otherwise he sounds fine, has he got acsess (dodgy spelling!) to crayons and paper all of the time, my dd (same age) has got a little table of her own in the kitchen with crayons and paper out all of the time so she can take herself off if she fancies a bit of drawing rather than it being a planned activity iyswim?!

MrsRhettButler Fri 28-May-10 21:59:20

should have said, dd is 4 also and definitely not shy!

do you think it may be concentration issues with your ds op?

StarlightMcKenzie Fri 28-May-10 22:03:12

Message withdrawn

UniS Fri 28-May-10 22:55:41

as a referral will take an age to result in any one assessing your DS ... what the heck, do it. he may have changed by then, he may not, if not there may be an underlieing speech or language or hearing issue or he may be in the "normal" range for his age, either way DS will still be DS and do his thing.

pigletmania Fri 28-May-10 23:07:12

Tbh the op ds sounds fine, some people are more sociable some are not, same with kids, any little idiosyncacy does not mean a problem. People seem to be more worried now than before. Mabey your ds does not like drawing, mabey he preferres looking at books or doing puzzles.

verybusyspider Fri 28-May-10 23:10:59

We've just had our ds1 (4yrs last wk) observed and assessed by LEA specialist as preschool had some concerns about him interacting socially but also being fixated on routine and becoming distressed if things changed.
I was really stressed by the whole thing as I kept thinking they were the experts and I knew he was fine but I was more worried about how it would impact on him starting school in September.
They only observed him for one session and gave me a really good report which linked in with the EYFS curiculum which made me realise (1) he's normal smile and (2) just like his dad!
Your ds sounds like mine, he also doesn't enjoy drawing or colouring - he told the lady observing he doesn't see the point! - but the other day they read him 'Going on a Bear hunt' at school and at home he drew me the map so clearly there needs to be more of a purpose it for him.
Don't be freaked out by the term 'specialist' they most likely observe and confirm all is ok, they did give some good advice on helping ds settle into school, he would usually start later than other children who hadn't been to the school nursery but we've asked if he can go the first week so that he'll be one of the first in and can meet everyone as they arrive rather than walking in on the second week of term to a full classroom, so maybe it'll just suggest something to help for reception...
Any after that ramble I think your ds sound 'normal' to me too - what ever that is!

verybusyspider Fri 28-May-10 23:12:44

oh and the reason they will be suggesting referal now is probably because funding is easier to come by for preschoolers so nurserys are quite keen to get things in place and are probally a bit to quick to suggest it at times but worried about missing something and giving a child a rubbish start to school if that makes sense x

pwpat Sun 30-May-10 09:17:15

Thanks to everyone for your advice, it has really reassured me.smileI really feel that the way this has been handled by the nursery and HV is quite bad though. Thanks especially to verybusyspider you have made me realise that as D is the last child to arrive at nursery each day - perhaps he feels the groups have already been formed and is going off on his own to play - it makes a lot of sense. I am going to make sure he is one of the first to arrive from now on.

OP’s posts: |
SoujanyaT Wed 25-Sep-19 16:30:36

Hi @pwpat, I am exactly in the same boat now with my 4.6 yr old son. How is your son now? How did you deal with your situation then? My heart breaks to hear that kindergarten says my son wouldn’t like to socialize and likes to play by himself. He is smart at learning, playing creatively, painting, singing .. but for one habit of playing with other kids. Now sure how to address it. Any suggestions are welcome.

Loopz84 Thu 11-Mar-21 11:22:35

Hello!! In completely the same boat now! How did it all pan out?

Babney Mon 15-Mar-21 07:06:06

This is so interesting, my son is very similiar to opening post.
No problem playing alongside others but doesn't initiate play & so nursery is concerned.

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