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Screaming/Crying tot when taken to creche - help please!

(17 Posts)
jibberjabber Tue 02-Aug-05 13:00:57

DS used to LOVE going to creche - it's only for 2 hours three times a week, as I have no family or friends closeby it's the only valuable time I have for myself.

He has started to really panic even as we approach the building this builds up as we go through the doors and whilst we queue to sign our babies in etc he wails and shrieks and I feel so awful leaving him there. What makes it worse is he is the only one that does it. When I go to collect him he is always calm and comes over to me with a big beam on his face - this is the only reason I have continued with the creche care. he has got better since he has started to walk but it's the initial part which is the hardest. He has been this way for about 8/9 weeks.

I find it quite puzzling as in most cases he cannot wait to get away from me and is quite outgoing but when we go to the creche he clings to me.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I come so close to saying - oh sod it can't go through it 3 times a week.

fqueenzebra Tue 02-Aug-05 13:12:21

how old is he? tbh, this is why I've gone for more like childminder type care, because they get a more consistent carer and, ime, more 1-to-1 attention.
Good luck, I know it's not easy....

jibberjabber Tue 02-Aug-05 13:15:20

He is 14 months old - I can't afford a childminder I'm afraid.

fqueenzebra Tue 02-Aug-05 13:26:10

does he always get the same carer when he goes to creche? Maybe if he did he would settle more, if you could adjust your schedule to sync with someone who works at the creche. How long is he upset for after you leave?

I left DS1 for 2 years crying at nursery, I know how awful it is, even though they said he was ok within 5 minutes. I won't put myself thru anything like that again, but i can understand you wanting a little time for yourself.

jibberjabber Tue 02-Aug-05 14:50:06

any other suggestions please????

PrettyCandles Tue 02-Aug-05 14:55:25

Can you lurk outside the creche door, where he cannot see you, and listen or peep discreetly through a window for 5-10minutes? You may find a pattern emerges, and that he settles happily within a few minutes. Warning: those few minutes will feel like hours until you see the pattern and are reassured by it.

Both of mine struggled to settle in creche at first. I started them at 12m, and each time it took about a term for them to be really happy about it. One thing I found that helped them was to identify which creche worker they got on the best with and to hand the child over directly to that person.

dinny Tue 02-Aug-05 14:59:12

Jibberjabber - just a phase, I reckon. DD was exactly the same at that age. She is 3 now and loves it (and nursery). I'd persevere - it will pass and he'll start to like it again I bet. hth a bit - ds (11 months) has just started nursery so am feeling a bit like you. awful, isn't it? the fact he's happy when you pick him up speaks volumes - his crying is just his way of saying he'll miss you. hth a bit

jibberjabber Tue 02-Aug-05 15:06:06

have tried the lurking thing, but it makes him worse as he watches through the glass to see if I am still there.

I have started to take him later and later so we only just make it for signing in and by then all of the carers ahve their hands full so I have to face Ds's buggy to the play area and give him a big kiss and say goodbye. If we try to get there early he seems to work himself up to much.

If I let him out of the buggy he really does get distressed.

dinny Tue 02-Aug-05 15:07:42

oh, would never leave dd or ds unless carer was actually taking them....
can you go much later so things are less hectic and you can hand him to someone he knows?

bundle Tue 02-Aug-05 15:09:09

will they let you do a "settling" period to build up his confidence? ie you sit & play with him for a full session, then reduce this gradually? if he's distracted by play (and enjoying it) when you leave him, the place will start to have enjoyable associations instead of just mummy leaving him. agree lurking not a good idea, it freaks them out.

PrettyCandles Tue 02-Aug-05 15:15:16

The lurking is purely for your own peace of mind, if he knows you're there then there's no point in doing it - it will just distress him more. What you say about letting him out of the buggy makes me think that it is straightforward separation anxiety: if he stays in the buggy he thinks he will leave soon, if you take him out of the buggy he knows he's in for the duration.

Does he have a cuddly? I'm generally of the cuddly-stays-at-home school, but in this case it might help to bring it with.

Demented Tue 02-Aug-05 15:21:42

I went through this with my DS2, he had been happily going to the leisure centre creche 3/4 times a week for an hour at a time since seven weeks old then all of a sudden he started screaming his head off and not wanting to go in (think he was about 10 months). They always assured me that he was fine once I was away and as I was still in the building and knew that they could come and get me if he didn't settle down I didn't let it worry me too much. The phase probably lasted a couple of months, he was just getting over it and getting more confident when he got the chicken pox and when he returned to the creche it was like starting all over again. He is three now and cries when he can't go to creche.

Personally I would put it down to a clingy phase, does he settle after you are away?

jibberjabber Tue 02-Aug-05 20:56:39

yes, he does settle, it doesn't take him any time, they don't like to leave it too long and if he was so distressed they would call me.

I have tried settling in with him and stayed about an hour and he didn't leave my lap, he was smiley and played but always made sure he was holding my hand or cuddling me.

I am a bit puzzled by this - anywhere else and he really does zoom off on his own. Has no anxiety at all.

Aragon Tue 02-Aug-05 21:09:26

My son did this too. He was fine going into nursery until about 13/14 months and then suddenly and out of the blue began to sob when I left - it was horrendous. The only reason I managed to cope was that the staff told me that he was fine within 30 seconds of me leaving. He was nearly 2 before it stopped (don't want to depress you ). Now at 2.5 he clings a bit and we have a cuddle and then he says "Bye Bye Mummy" and my heart just goes SPLODGE!

mandymoo Tue 02-Aug-05 21:38:37

DD is 2.8 and has gone to nursery for well over a year now and still cries sometimes when we drop her off. I've picked up on the fact that when there is one particular nursery worker there she is fine but then when another worker is there she plays up and cries. Unfortunately I cant determine which worker works when!! I hate leaving her when she's crying but the nursery tells me she stops almost as soon as i leave and i can see how happy she is there when i pick her up. Its hard but worth sticking at

PrettyCandles Wed 03-Aug-05 14:22:31

He's a clever boy, jibberjabber - anywhere else he knows you're sticking around! I think you'll just have to grit your teeth. You know it's good for him and for you in the long run, and it's good for him to know that you mean your word, that you won't be bullied and that you always come back to him.

TracyK Wed 03-Aug-05 14:29:55

does it make a diff if he walks in by himself or is carried in? I have to let my ds walk across the car park on his own rather than carry him and handing him over iykwim. So he goes through the door himslef with me behind him and then he sees the other children and he's off!
He went through a stage of clinging - specially when his key worker used to open the door to him and go 'boo' really loudly!!

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