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How many times do you tell them to do stuff before they actually do it?

(35 Posts)
emmatmg Mon 25-Jul-05 18:51:02

Sorry, I know I've got load of threads going at the moment but I feel like I'm failing miserabley at everything I try.

The title says it all really but today I have had to shout everything I asked them after the same thing was asked (as in spoken) about 5-6 times. They only way they respond, answer, do whatever I've asked is if i've shouted it at the top of my voice.

It's driving me bloody mad.

makealist Mon 25-Jul-05 18:54:59

At 7 years old, about 2 or 3 times.

At 14 years old, about 2 or 3 times a minute, every hour, every day, every week!!!!

And still, he doesn't make his bed, put his dirty washing in the basket, pick up wet towels off the floor......on and on the list goes

Caligula Mon 25-Jul-05 18:56:07


Hausfrau Mon 25-Jul-05 18:56:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

milosmum Mon 25-Jul-05 19:09:34

my 4 yr old DS had to be told at least to the point where the neighbours also know what i want him to do! {grin]

Twiglett Mon 25-Jul-05 19:09:45

let me see now

many x lots

mummyhill Mon 25-Jul-05 19:18:37

Deffinatly get more of a reaction by talking to the cat rather than dd

Blackduck Mon 25-Jul-05 19:20:04

I give up counting....

zaphod Mon 25-Jul-05 19:24:28

Funny you should ask, as dh and i have just been discussing this. About 4 - 5 times. Thank God it isn't just my children.

Caligula Mon 25-Jul-05 19:25:29

I find if I say quietly "do you want some chocolate?" they suddenly pay attention. And then I can tell them what it is I want them to do.

milosmum Mon 25-Jul-05 19:25:49

looks like to overall concensus is A HELL OF A LOT!!!

KBear Mon 25-Jul-05 19:25:54

77 times at least

I start sentences by saying "who wants chocolate?" to get their attention then "pick up the toys", "do your spellings" or whatever it is!!!

edgetop Mon 25-Jul-05 19:28:14

i feel like i should tape my voice i get sick of saying the same things all the time.i,m going through a stage if he is not getting my 100% attention he shouts or damages things around he is 4/6

Hausfrau Mon 25-Jul-05 19:40:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emmatmg Mon 25-Jul-05 19:41:08

well, it's kind of nice to know that it's not just my house but I was really hoping for a miracle and someone knowing how to save my voice from shouting.

The chocolate thing only works if there some in the house, if I said that and there wasn't any the concequences would be a nightmare......they'd be whinging and moaning and maoning and whinging and then some more.

Tortington Mon 25-Jul-05 19:44:52

ask three times then negative sanction but state this first
" i am going to ask you no more than three times to tidy your room. i will be up every ten minutes and i want to see a difference. on the third time, you are not allowed on puter or ps2, or telly, or hour early for bed" or whatever.

Tortington Mon 25-Jul-05 19:45:46

and emma - the secret to showing you are very very anoyed is to speak very quietly and deliberatly and in my case more posh!

emmatmg Mon 25-Jul-05 19:51:17

Actually, custy, that does work and I have lost it many times with them and virtually whispered the "threats" to them.

They almost shake when I get that mad!

Tortington Mon 25-Jul-05 20:18:59

lol i turn into my mother literally - go all posh and very calmly say ""

fqueenzebra Mon 25-Jul-05 20:21:11

Haven't read the whole thread, but the things I find that help (a lot) are:

make them make eye contact while you're speaking to them
insist that they repeat back to you what you've asked them to do

ask them "how much trouble would you like to be in!?" if they still don't do what I've said!!

charliecat Mon 25-Jul-05 20:24:31

Twice, once when I mention what id like them to do and they ignore me and the second time I end it with and if you dont you will have no pudding/tv/chocolate/video/friend round...or whatever is it they have had thier hearts set on.

Nightynight Mon 25-Jul-05 20:47:14

he he its not just me then.
I sometimes get to the stage where I decide to double the time intervals between repeating mzself just so that I can reduce the number of repetitions.

Nightynight Mon 25-Jul-05 20:47:37

b*z german kezboard!

swedishmum Mon 25-Jul-05 22:54:02

ds has a poor short term memory to do with his dyslexia so I've started to get him to repeat instructions. It's helping. My girls don't have the same excuse. I'm too soft!

Sugarmag Tue 26-Jul-05 14:10:06

oh my goodness i think about a zillion! it's so bad with dd (4) that dh and I had to sit down and try to work out some new strategies last night. have tried shouting at the top of my lungs but just end up feeling bad (and with a sore throat!). Have tried various threats (no telly/chocolate/friends to play etc) but find that i'm not good with spur of the moment threats. they either end up being something really silly like 'if you don't put your shoes on I wont' tie your laces for you' - queue smirk on dd's face - or hard to follow through on - am I really going to phone friend's mum at last minute and cancel playdate thus punishing dd adn friend and myself and friend's mum?

So as of today the new strategy for dealing with dd's "listening problem" is to start confiscating toys every time she doesn't listen. she'll be told what's expected, if she doesn't listen she'll be reminded (warned) of the consequences adn if she still doesn't listen dh or myself choose a toy from her room to go away until further notice. (we haven't quite worked out yet how she gets them back but will deal with that when/if her behaviour starts to improve)

I should add that it's not simply a case of having to ask her 3 or 4 (or 10) times to do something. It's most often the case that even after 3 or 4 or 10 times she still refuses, sometimes by just plain ignoring us and sometimes by flat-out refusing ('i don't have to do what you say!!!').

So wish us luck!

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