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(14 Posts)
chocolatequeen Mon 25-Jul-05 12:10:27

Just looking for opinions really, on manners!

I have a ds, nearly 3, who has been taught basically since we felt he was able to understand what was expected of him, to always say 'please' and 'thank you' when requesting or receiving anything. I expect him to say it always (albeit with a little prompting still....!), no matter to whom he is talking. We also encourage him to say hello and good bye to people on any occasion when we would do the same (ie arriving at school, at the checkout, to nice ladies on buses etc.). I certainly don't punish him if he doesn't, but I believe that all of this contributes towards being a pleasant, thoughtful adult.

However, one of my closest friends has 3 kids, aged 2.5, 3.5 and 4.5 (busy girl!) all of whom NEVER say please, thank you, hello or goodbye. She does not seem to expect them to, and it really gets my goat! They are sweet kids, but come across as being very rude - other friends have commented on it. They also interrupt constantly when I talk to their mum, and will just endlessly say 'mummy' or my name until I respond. I tend not to answer them, but she never tells them not to interrupt or that it's polite to wait until people have stopped talking.

I never know if it is my place to say to them that they must not interrupt (I know I wouldn't mind someone asking DS to say thank you or to tell him not to interrupt), or hope that she will eventually tell them not to. I don't want to upset her or her kids, but equally, I find it very rude.

Am I being very petty?

Whew!! What do all the mumsnetters think?

handlemecarefully Mon 25-Jul-05 12:14:09

Well I think she has a lot on her plate with 3 very young children - so perhaps that why she hasn't enforced these niceties (too harried with generally making sure that they aren't killing each other, running off into the road, destroying things)...

But as a rule, I agree with you and try to enforce the same sort of things with my two (1 and 3) - i.e. please, thank you etc

charliecat Mon 25-Jul-05 12:15:52

My kids are like your friends, in fact they seem to wait till im on the phone/talking to someone to strike up a conversation. They are 4 and 7 and I have to prompt them to say Thank You and they drive me mad.

charliecat Mon 25-Jul-05 12:16:47

Oh I remember being the same as a child Mum, mum...mummmmmm till she answered.

Mum2girls Mon 25-Jul-05 12:18:14

Agree with hmc - I think with 3 young kids, she probably has other priorities, although yes, with mine, I encourage the please/thankyou stuff.

(As for interrupting - my 4yo does this constantly, but gets told in no uncertain terms to wait.)

Distel Mon 25-Jul-05 12:22:03

My children are 1, 3 and nearly 6. The older 2 are really good for please and thankyou BUT lately they interupt me constantly and it drives me nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would expect other people to ask them to wait untill they have stopped speaking, just as I do constantly but if your friend hasn't tought them that it is neccessary to wait then maybe they just don't know otherwise. Hopes this makes a little bit of sense .

Windermere Mon 25-Jul-05 13:13:43

Is your friend like it too? I have a few adult friends that sound exactly like your friends children!

edodgy Mon 25-Jul-05 13:18:36

OOhh im a stickler for manners my daughter is 2.3 years and has been taught always to say please and thank you, she even says exuse me which is hilarious as she doesnt always use it in the right context. I was always taught that good manners were important and have taught my daughter the same.

hunkermunker Mon 25-Jul-05 13:24:34

One of DS's first words was please (bleez!) - he says it when he wants to see something, or be given something. I hadn't said "say please" to him - but I always say please and thank you to him (when he hands me something, etc).

DS will be well-mannered, because I expect it and lead by example. I am not interested in having a bad-mannered child - I find them unbearable. Manners cost nothing, make other people happy and are an important part of making your life go smoothly - so there is both a selfish and an altruistic motive to my parenting

dinosaur Mon 25-Jul-05 13:27:59

DS1 and DS2 are okay about saying please and thank you but they do like to interrupt me - especially DS2 who just hates being left out of any conversation. I do try and tell him to butt out, but it is a bit embarrassing

hatstand Mon 25-Jul-05 13:33:40

I'm with you on manners and, in answer to your question about whether it's your place to say something I would say that if she's a good friend, if you are in your house and if the kids' failure to say please/thank you is directed at you then yes, it's ok to give them a friendly prompt, or - if they are interrupting and trying to talk to you, to politely ask them to wait a minute until you have finished speaking

hatstand Mon 25-Jul-05 13:36:48

however if you are my grumpy fil who crossly demands "proper" pleases and thankyous rather than accepting that 3 and 5 year olds are still in the middle of a lengthy process oflearning, and that being a cross-patch about it is pointless and probably counter-productive then, no, you shouldn't say anything

bossykate Mon 25-Jul-05 13:38:35

bit of a sore point there, hatstand?

haven Mon 25-Jul-05 15:30:18

no..i agree with you.

ds is 26 months (almost) he says excuse me, thank you and please. and i definetly do expect it of him. i remind him all the time...but dd helps she is eight. and we also use polite words. children learn from example.

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