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Need an alternative to the naughty step.........

(34 Posts)
emmatmg Sun 24-Jul-05 11:08:16

Another new strategy in the emmatmg household.

Ds1 is just too big for that know. It worked with ds2 this morning, he was gutted and mortified so I'm very hopeful but it just wouldn't work with Ds1.

I need something really good because we've tried start charts, confiscating stuff, no treats, more praise, ignoring the bad behaviour(i find that very hard) and it just doesn't work with him.

any suggestions?

Donbean Sun 24-Jul-05 11:10:58

OH LORD!!!! It never ever occurred to me that the naughty step may stop working !
I need to watch this thread carefully as im now in a state of panic!!!!!

emmatmg Sun 24-Jul-05 11:12:55

For it to work I'd have to leave him there for hours which obviously isn't good....appealling yes, but not good

A few minutes just wouldn't do it.

alison222 Sun 24-Jul-05 11:16:26

how old is your DS1?

emmatmg Sun 24-Jul-05 11:19:17


alison222 Sun 24-Jul-05 11:26:53

Hmm haven't got to that age yet.
I went through a horrid stage with DS recently where we said, OK no nice things unless you earn them in combination with a star chart.
So it was no juice, no TV, no computer games,no treats etc unless there had been a whole day of stars on the star chart previously.
We had 11 days with no TV at all. A record I think except when away on holidays.
It meant I had to be on hand with loads of attention all day every day not leaving him to his own devices at all. Exhausting but the positive attention finally started to work wonders.
Also lots of exercise to wear them out. We spent a lot of time in the playground, the park with a frizbee, doing messy creative things etc. as a diversion so that he didn't have time to get up to mischief iyswim.

Move the naughty step to somewhere else?

Hopefully someone with older children will come along soon

Blossomhill Sun 24-Jul-05 12:00:14

I have put ds on a chair infront of the garden patio doors and made him sit for 10 minutes. Everytime ho moaned, whinged, complained etc I would make him stay an extra 5.
Haven't had to do this for about 2 years so!!!

dot1 Sun 24-Jul-05 12:06:56

I haven't got older children (keep praying my 2 will be well behaved little angels by then..?! ) but does he get pocket money? Maybe no cash would be effective??

PeachyClair Sun 24-Jul-05 12:12:37

Never worked with Sam, works with the middle one and ds3 not quite old enough yet.

We just distract Sam: usually by placing him in his bedroom for half an hour whilst he plays lego etc- it gives every one else the chance to calm down / have a cuddle with whoever he was fighting with if he was, etc.

Otherwise for really serious behaviour we remove priveledges- favourite toys, sweets (I don't think he's due any now until 2007!!!)

Sam has SN (AS) but that doesn't mean the same strategies wouldn't work for others.

QueenEagle Sun 24-Jul-05 12:24:37

ds1 is 11 and we still use a version of the naughty step with him. He is made to sit on a dining chair on his own for 10 minutes, and every time he asks to come off or messes about, the 10 minutes starts again.

A couple of weeks ago dh made him stand with his hands on his head in the garden for 10 mins which was wicked, wicked, wicked but he did it.

TwinSetAndPearls Sun 24-Jul-05 14:25:48

We have been struggling with dd behaviour 3.10 she doesn't go on a naughty step instead she goes in the utility room as it is the dullest room in the house!

But after one dreadful day of repeated entrances into the utility room we decided to use shock tactics so after she had gone to bed we emptied her playroom of every single toy, she has been earning them back one thing/group at a time each day she is good. I only have to warn that toys will go up in the loft again or that she may not earn any toys back that day and she steps into line as she knows that we mean it.

Milliways Sun 24-Jul-05 15:35:13

We didn't have a naughty step - we had "time out" on the sofa. DD had to sit still on sofa until the big hand (directly opposite) got to next number (max 5 mins). She learned to tell the time that way!

Aragon Sun 24-Jul-05 15:44:02

The naughty step. . We had one in our house until last week. DS stood by the TV threatening to switch it off.

Me: "James if you switch off the telly you can go and sit on the naughty stair"
James: silence - turns off set and with smug grin goes to bottom stair.
I could just see him thinking "it was worth it".

RTKangaMummy Sun 24-Jul-05 15:55:20

It still would work with DS {10} but we haven't used it for a while

He doesn't like being excluded from what is going on

We used a black mark system where if he got 5 black marks he lost TV and all electical things {gameboy, comp, PS2} from the next Friday after school until monday after school

If he got another 5 black marks in the next month he would loose electrial things AND lego

HE HASN'T GOT ANY MORE BLACK MARKS so it works as a deterrant IYSWIM

RTKangaMummy Sun 24-Jul-05 15:58:14

QE love the hands on head idea

Had forgotten that one

One of the teachers when I was at junior school used to do this to the whole class if we were noisy etc. this was in early 70s

kcemum Sun 24-Jul-05 22:33:15

My Mantra,

I will bring your bedtime forwards by 15 minutes if you do that again.

It does work, one night I sent my kids to bed one and a half hours early, now just the threat works!!

alison222 Mon 25-Jul-05 11:44:58

kcemum did they get up 1.5 hours earlier too?

99redballoons Mon 25-Jul-05 12:18:19

The only other advice I can add is that the tv programs say you have to be consistent, meaningful, and try the same form of punishment for atleast a few weeks, ie. if you're going to use confiscation then let him know the rules, what sort of action will warrant toy/tv/games removal, for how long, what he must do to get it back, and this method has to be used every time without lapse for a large no. of days. Trying this out for 3-4 days and then changing it to a star chart or whatever is not good enough. How about grounding? No football with his mates or something? Is that too harsh for a 6yo (my ds is only 2.1 atm!)

kcemum Mon 25-Jul-05 13:04:52

alison, no they don't (except the youngest) as they're pretty good sleepers.

basketcase Mon 25-Jul-05 13:15:20

My next door neighbour (pyschiatrist) has a bright 7 yr old boy. All her strategies weren’t working so she had a "family meeting" with DS1 and 2, her and DH. She sat them all around the table with a big piece of paper and told them that she was sick of bad behaviour and that it needed to change. She made them all do a brain storm where they worked out five main things that each of the children did that was causing the most problems and to draw up a behaviour agreement contract, pinned onto the kitchen door - I know that pushing and shoving each other was one, can’t remember/wasn’t told all of them - she then got them all to agree on punishments that they really didn’t want to experience and would be fair for all the family (Dh and her have a list too!), ones that they came up with themselves - I know she said DS1 would have his bike put in the garage for 24 hours for one break of the contract and another was to lost tv priveleges. If they keep the contract for a week they get various treats depending on level of behaviour. Sounds a bit crazy but made a lot of sense incl. the children in agreeing what was causing the most problems, involving all the family as a team, discussing why they all needed to change and reasonable consequences if they didn’t. She does tend to run her boys like a military camp but seems to work fairly well - and they need it as they are lively children.

emmatmg Mon 25-Jul-05 18:45:09

After today I'm thinking a building a cage to put them in.

I'm sure that will work

TwinSetAndPearls Tue 26-Jul-05 16:21:36

I love the fact that you are called basketcase and live next door to a psychiatrist!

sweetheart Tue 26-Jul-05 16:27:18

Naughty step didn't work for us either - we used to set the oven timer. Unfortunalty dd figured out how it worked and then kept telling me and dh off and sending us to the naughty stair. Have you ever seen an adult sit on the bottom step for 5 mins!!!!!!!!!

I've had that using pieces of Pasta seem to work well to reward good behaviour instead of punishing bad - it's been on MN a few times.

Nickinha Tue 26-Jul-05 16:33:49

These are all brilliant ideas, but seem to be for older children. How do you reason with a two year old? I have actually made an appointment to see someone cause I think her behaviour is abnormally naughty. Last night she whined for 1.5 hours (no exageration) because I refused to let her watch Barney. She only stopped because her father came home and put it on for her.

sfg Thu 28-Jul-05 21:29:32

Ds1 is 2.5 and I think if you want to change things you need to be mentally ready to ride the storm for a bit, or it won't work

Bad news - the bit might be as long as a week, which is obviously a very long time for everyone

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