top tips please, how to stay calm......

[Donbean]

YES ITS ME AGAIN.... CONTINUING PROBLEMS WITH DS.
So, can 2 year olds be issued with ASBO's?
He is driving me demented. I want to cry.
He is a normal 2 year old, this i know.
Its me, i want to go absolutely mad and scream at him and throw him through the window.
I dont, i raise my voice, restraining myself all the time.
He goes on the naughty stair and has things taken off him.
What do/did you do to cope with this stage?

[Donbean]

Queen of thread killers...i even kill my own

[misdee]

walk into the garden and SCREAM

[Donbean]

or shove half a pizza in...muffles the scream you see.

[Nixz]

my dd is 4 1/2 and has to be THE NAUGHTIEST child in the whole WORLD!!! Well, probably not but she never does as she is told, screams shouts, wrecks the house, she even spat in her dads face at the weekend as he was trying to explain the dangers of running away from us in the supermarket! (her favourite pastime running away!)To say i was shocked is an understatement. So what do i do - i know i need to stay calm and be comsistent. I work, go to uni and DP is in the forces and only graces us with his presence every blue moon. Im stressed. I cant CANT CANT stay calm - i need to explode!

[Donbean]

well, i know where you are coming from.
Do you ever get a break from her at all?

[Donbean]

also, has she always been like this?

[chicagomum]

my 3 year old dd drives me to distraction, she was the most angelic baby/toddler, ds is 7 months and an angel, here we go again ??? i fine miself constantly exasperated as to how to make her behave, i have mil on one side saying i'm to strict and my mother on the other saying i hope you've learned yoor lesson first time round and won't let ds get like that

[Donbean]

so do you think that it is a prolonged phase and that it will come to a natural end as they get older?

[Nixz]

Yes, she has been like this since she was a few months old, extremely independant and awkward and stubborn (she has good qualities aswell, but thats another thread, right?!)
And no, never get a break, i went to stay at my brothers for a night out in march for my birthday tho! Its constant battles all the time. An example, she was in the back garden with a friend this evening, her dinner was almost ready and she asked for a biscuit. I said she could have one after her meal etc etc - this was followed by screams, shouts then she pushed her car over (one of them little tykes ones) with such force she broke the fence ran into the house and swiped everything off the kitchen table! Phew, i had been home from work less than an hour. She has seen specialists etc, she's just a handful! (and a girl!) Do you ever get a break? ARe their lots of battles in your home?

[Nixz]

Donbean - im still high maintenance and i am 28! Im still waiting to grow out of it aswell!

[Nemo1977]

i go with the garden/ different room too. the other night my ds[21mths] drove me mad that i went and sat in the garden and shut patio doors so i could see him but he was away from me. after 5mins i felt sooo much better

[Nixz]

Mine just follows me or wrecks the place. I watch these "nanny" programmes on the tv and think - calm and consistent is the answer - but how do you get there!!!!!!!

[chicagomum]

are you always consistent with your disciplining? i've found that the second i slip from the normal routine of whats acceptable or not and the enforcement of discipline etc she swoops on it in an instant and the behaviour exaccerbates

[Donbean]

its difficult, he is 2 and im not sure how much he understands.
My main way of attack is repetative explanations and the naughty stair.
So "we dont hit people, it hurts them" over and over and over, he now repeats this to me before i get the chance to move him to the naughty stair.
Nixz, how did you stay calm when she did that in the garden?
My boy does this too with anger and frustration, he throws things randomly, totally unnaceptable behaviour in my house.

What worries me more than any thing is that i am only just hanging on by a thread, i am always on the verge of smacking him....just like my mother did, i DO NOT want to be any thing like her....EVER

[Nixz]

I have to say that lately im not as consistent as i should be, but in the past i have been very consistent, but it has never made any difference whatsoever. I dont think she always means to be naughty, she forgets things before youve finished saying them. Her long term memory is scarily good, better than anyones i have ever met, but her short term is hopeless. Also, she just wants to be her own boss and has amazing staying power. And also - im fed up now and dont think i'll ever have a quiet life so kind of given up a bit! She has got worse lately so i need to clamp down.

[chicagomum]

i knowwhat you mean about the smacking thing, i sometimes feel that i'm close to that and it's something i vowed i'd never do to (plus i know it would undermine a lot of the things i've said with regards to hurting others) dh unfortunately lost it with her last night, she was giving him a cuddle and for absolutely no reason bite him, drawing blood! his reaction was to shout loudly and hit her {shock} he was x1000 more upset than she was and immediately apologised to her, then left the room (i found him nearly crying in the bathrom)

[Nixz]

sorry donbean im nicking your thread here!
as we speak she is doing it now - and this is how im keeping calm. The only way i kept calm is by really thinking about what hse's been like recently and realising something has to be done. I got into the rut of trying to explain and bargain with her and it just escaleted the situation. Im saying no, or saying not this time etc a few times. Then i get a liitle more firm and say, carry on crying,throwing etc and you will have to go upstairs to your room and cant play out. I will see how long i can keep this cool because if i cant, im also very very seriusly scared of losing it.

[Donbean]

How awful for you and DH.
Yes i agree 100% about the smacking and teaching them that we dont hit as it hurts. It is just such a knee jerk reaction to smack and achieves very little (except it breaks your heart).
What to do though.
I have told myself to just ride the storm for now, but it is increasingly difficult to cope with him.

[Donbean]

OH MY! you are not nicking any thread, please pour it out, i am very interested in what you are saying as i feel like you know how i feel from your posts.

[Nixz]

we need therapy!!!!!!!!!!
we are goin mad!
have any of you asked your parents if they had these problems?

[Nixz]

Thanks Donbean

[Donbean]

No, tend not to talk to them if i can help it (whole other thread)
I have many friends who have children around his age but feel that they dont understand as their children are no where as extreme with their behaviour as ds.
They all make the right noises and reassure me but i need to know how to deal with him and how to deal with me and my problem coping. IYSWIM?

[Nixz]

i do know what you mean - ask them to watch him for an afternoon or plan a day trip - i guarantee their advice will change!!!!!
Good luck!

[Donbean]

We had a day trip...they havent asked us to go any where with them since!

[Nixz]

i really really know that feeling.
Its bad enough when you are out of the house as you become much more aware of other people, the dangers etc but its worse when your with others because you spend your day comparing.
Im too scared to have any more!