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so scared, that she will run into danger.

(21 Posts)
misdee Mon 18-Jul-05 23:34:02

dd2 will be 3 in about 6 weeks. she has realfears. yesterday we went to the beach, she wanted to go, packed her bucket and spade and she was happy. it wasnt her 1st time at the beach, she has been many times before. but she saw the sea and legged it really really screaming. the fear on her face was evident. fortunatly my dad was walking back to the car and he grabbed her as i was feeding dd3 at the time. she is the same with balloons, and legged it howling out of peters hospital room on his birthday because of the balloons.

is this a normal stage of devolopment? i cant remember much with dd1, she wasnt this 'trying'.

sparklymieow Mon 18-Jul-05 23:37:52

remember the car wash, I thought that if she could have she would have got out and ran.

Flum Mon 18-Jul-05 23:38:53

dunno but poor dear!

misdee Mon 18-Jul-05 23:39:54

mieow she would've done.

Janh Mon 18-Jul-05 23:40:44

I just googled children's fears, misdee, and found this:

"Typical fears can be grouped into three main categories:

- environmental
- imaginary
- social

Environmental fears are understandable anxieties about real things such as animals, thunder, the dark, and burglars.

Imaginary fears are worries about things such as ghosts and monsters from stories and movies.

Social fears are anxieties about social situations such as being separated from Mum, being left at preschool, starting school, and joining a sports or some other group for the first time.

These three groups tend to follow a rough chronological order, with toddlers and preschoolers more prone to environmental fears, older preschoolers and early primary school children more likely to experience imaginary fears, and social fears persisting through to the teenage years and beyond."

So DD2's sound within the range of normal. At least you know about these two now, so you can be ready for them, but there may be other things in the future if she's that way inclined (like clowns maybe!).

misdee Mon 18-Jul-05 23:41:46

i hate clowns................

misdee Mon 18-Jul-05 23:42:52

she is petrified of the dark, have to take nightlight on holiday.

BadHair Mon 18-Jul-05 23:43:18

I don't know if this is a stage of development, but ds1 used to pretend to be scared of everyday things to get attention. He would have been 2.5, and ds2 was 6 months. It stemmed from when he was legitimately scared of a dark corner in our new house, and I left his (then) new baby brother downstairs with dp and spent about an hour one-to-one with him in his bedroom to calm him down. I suspect that he twigged that being scared got him some extra time alone with mummy and some extra attention at the expense of his little brother (who he was insanely jealous of despite our best efforts to avoid this).

He still pretends to be scared sometimes if he wants to stay up late with us, but he's a rubbish liar and I can tell if he's pulling a fast one or if its genuine now. At the time I was so concerned at how he was reacting to the new baby that I didn't even suspect he might have ulterior motives.

Sorry if this is a bit rambly, but could your dd be trying it on a bit to get some sympathy and extra time with you?

BadHair Mon 18-Jul-05 23:44:15

Ah, ignore me, cross posted with everyone else. Your dd doesn't sound as if she is trying it on.

Janh Mon 18-Jul-05 23:44:32

It is difficult when the second child is nothing like the easy-going first - I had it with DD2 although with her, it was more temper than fear - once you're used to the idea that they will react to things the first child wouldn't have noticed it's easier to live with.

misdee Mon 18-Jul-05 23:44:52

erm no, when she plays at being scared she covers and eyes and says 'scared'. this is real fear. she is terrified and runs like she is running away from the devil. she will be shaking, crying, screaming and running.

misdee Mon 18-Jul-05 23:47:46

i'm just worried that one day something will scare her and she'll leg it into a busy road.

trefusis Mon 18-Jul-05 23:47:47

Message withdrawn

Janh Mon 18-Jul-05 23:50:11

Could you do a serious talk with her, at a time when she's calm and listening to you? Tell her to try to remember that someone she knows is always there, and that if she is scared of something she should hang on to them to look after her, and not run away?

misdee Mon 18-Jul-05 23:51:37

i'll try that jan.

i try to calm her, hold her, let her know tghat mummy is here and all that but she gets so scared. where has my child with no fear gone?

mind you she will still jump off the top of the (small) slide if i let her.

Janh Tue 19-Jul-05 00:00:59

The slide is different - that's a conscious thing, she knows she is OK doing that; the sea and the balloons are an unconscious panic reaction, poor love.

It could be that this has something to do with Peter being in hospital - she must be scared about that, but it's not a thing she can rationalise at her age - maybe she is transferring her anxiety about that on to something tangible.

I'm sure she will come back to being your fearless girl.

misdee Tue 19-Jul-05 00:06:20

i hope so. i hate seeing how thing is affecting the kids. he cant even hold dd3 atm

Janh Tue 19-Jul-05 00:09:01

So hard for all of you. Hope things look up soon.

Jimjams Tue 19-Jul-05 12:14:16

could it be sensory misdee? ds1 was like this about the beach when he was 3ish. he was fine until he saw the beach then was like this. Ditto the moors for a while. Now he's fine although last year he was like this about a friend's house, and now is like this about the cdc!

We tried everthing. In the end the only thing that worked was taking him repeatedly and leaving as soon as he showed distress. It took about 8 months to get him back on the beach. We wish there were beaches like they have in northern ireland where you can drive onto the beach! (friend's house we had to use the back door- this week- 18 months after he first got scared of it he used the front door to enter the house - has been leaving by the front door for a while).

misdee Tue 19-Jul-05 13:21:50

i wondered that jj. tho its seems to be the noise that scares her. she is fine walking on the sand, playing in sandpits, but as soon as she saw and heard the sea she ran. she doesnt like the windows open in cars as it hurts her ears.

Jimjams Tue 19-Jul-05 14:03:48

i think it was a combination of the noise and texture etc in ds1's case. the only thing I've found that works is frequent very short exposures. We tried jollyimg/forcing ds1 and it made things worse

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