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toddler hitting others for NO reason

(13 Posts)
mummywizz Thu 04-Mar-10 20:49:54

My 2yr 10 mth old DS hits and pushes other children (regardless of age) for no other reason whatsover even if they are simply walking past he will hit them,
I'm now at the end of my tether as it's been going on for last year and now getting worse
toddler groups are the most stressful 2 hrs of my life as I'm constantly watching his behaviour (and apologising)if i tell him off he just screams and I'm sick of judgemental 'looks' off other parents. It's sooooo embarrasing

has anyone else been thro this and can they tell me when it will end (otherwise he's adorable... honestly)

james030807 Thu 04-Mar-10 21:16:22

my 2y 9m boy is doing the same. i have wimped out on attending playgroups of late sending him with nan/grandma instead. i did go today though and mum had put round how stressed it makes me and it helps that the other mums know this and know i hate this behaviour. he was v.good today but don't you hate it when they kick or hit out it the street/shops like you say, when others simply pass. no idea why.
you are not alone and ill be watching for replies. good luck xx

yummybabygroupcouk Thu 04-Mar-10 21:28:03

Hitting and kicking are both behaviours that every child will go through. the most important thing is not to shout or tell off for this behaviour, even negative attention is giving him/ her what they are looking for.
From 15 years of Nannying i would advise to completely ignore bad behaviour (i am not saying leave him/her kicking/ hitting other children- just simply remove him from the situation into another space)- i will give an example in a minute...
However if he/ she is behaving well or is kind to another child praise him/her lots- go over the top, say how lovely they are, how proud you are.
the MOST important thing is to be consistent.. never threat to leave, or shout, show you are cross as this will always enforce and encourage more of the same behaviour.

for example...

you are at play group your son/ daughter hits another child..take your child by the hand and calmly- (appologising to the other child/ parent as you go) take him/ her into the coridoor and just stand there, calm, no speaking.. if they scream/ play up calmly say 'we are standing here until you can behave appropriately' and do just that. hold them until they calm down ... do not reward their behaviour my giving them your attention by saying 'that was horrible, you cant do that, hitting is bad etc etc...' even though this is negative it is still attention- exactly what they want!

I have honestly come into contact with this behaviour so many times over the past 15 years nannying/ doing super nanny work and with consistency it is easily resolved.

please get in touch if you need further guidence..


mummywizz Thu 04-Mar-10 21:32:17

well I have certainly never tried the 'ignoring' it tactic, it seriously is very bad,and am grateful for any tips so will take your advice thankyou

HumphreyCobbler Thu 04-Mar-10 21:39:33

I have been there. I think that hannah has given good advice, although I found it very hard to ignore as my ds's tantrums were so unbelievably dangerous spectacular.

He is now a relatively non-violent three year old. I would say the phase lasted for about a year and it was bloody hard work. They do all do it at some point though, I found it easier to cope with once the other children started to do it.

Adair Thu 04-Mar-10 21:45:48

My dd never did this - but just as I was polishing my halo, along comes ds. Who I can totally imagine hitting for 'fun' as you describe (so weird, I just don't get him a lot).

He is 19mths so smaller but my plan is
-tell him what TO do most of the time - be gentle
-downplay/ignore hitting with a firm, quiet no hitting and stop him/pull him away/hold hand. This needs to be Not a Game hmm grin.
-simple consequence - if you hit again, I will put you over there. Do it.

Agree with what Hannah says about praising the good stuff and what you should do.

Good luck (and thanks for letting me glimpse what ds will be like in a year confused grin)

j0807bump Thu 04-Mar-10 22:08:46

when he is 'perfect' for his nan/grandma they always tell me it is because they leave him to it where as i am too ready to jump into the situ. i know this is cos i want other mums to see i find hitting unacceptable. if i could ignore them i'd be fine!

mummywizz Thu 04-Mar-10 22:18:00

I think you're on to something there...he's always more badly behaved with me, my stress levels are thro the roof as i anticipate the next 'hit' which inevitably comes, apparently he's a little angel when he goes to nursery for the morning

petaluma Wed 11-May-11 15:26:03

I know this is an old thread but just wondered how OP's ds has got on? The reason why I ask is my ds is exactly like this now and just wonder if any of the tactics suggested here worked and how long it all took. I don't want to avoid playgroups but I currently can't handle them!

Laurabobbysmum Mon 24-Mar-14 14:03:46

My 22 month old son has been doing this for 6 months. Its making me ill with worry... He'll lash out at other childrens in the street, if they are on the TV, in books... Im getting really worried. Have things inproved for any of you ladies???

Lindy88 Tue 23-Jan-18 13:05:52

Hi, I know this is an old thread, but i wondered if anyone has any further advice on this ? Really interesting to read the comments from yummybabygroupcouk. My DS has just turned two and has been hitting - or i should say swiping- and pushing for about three months. He's generally a happy kid. I can understand it when it comes about because of squabbles over a toy, or just learning about taking turns etc. I try not to intervene but if i can see it turning nasty, i try to stay calm and show ds how to share, take turns with other children. What is stressing me out is a bit like mummywizz's situation - when its out of nowhere. He can be playing perfectly nicely, or having a great time singing songs or jumping around at playgroup, then he will randomly walk across the room and push a kid over or whack them. Is this a communication thing and it actually means ' i want to play?' He does have some words but can't properly talk yet. Not sure how to handle it when he does this and its so stressful ! (i feel the pain about the disapproving looks from other parents.) Thanks

firsttimemum89 Fri 26-Jan-18 14:42:29

Hi Lindy88

No advice really but just to say I'm in the same situation with my 18 month old little girl..

It seams like frustration it's like a red mist that comes over her some days she'll do it others she doesn't. Nursery haven't noticed her doing it and she doesn't do it when other children are at our house it's only when we go out I think.

Feeling worried about it, apart from suggestions above just hoping she'll grow out of it as her language improves

Lindy88 Sat 27-Jan-18 20:46:07

Hi firsttimemum89, I know what you mean about nursery -they think our son is an angel 😇. Ha ha! I agree, I think it’s a mix of language and frustration. My son has started repeating a bit of a mantra to me before we go to a play place together - have fun, share more, don’t hit . 😂. He knows what he is supposed to do but in certain moments I think feelings just overcome him and he can’t stop himself. I have to admit I do tell him off when it happens, so I’m gonna try the advice above and just remove from situation, I’ll apologise to the parent/child and I’ll try to keep my cool better. Interestingly I was watching him closely the other day when another boy came and sat next to him and was watching / helping him put cars in and out of a truck. I thought he was going to swipe him for sure, but he just looked at him a bit cross and didn’t do anything. I noticed on the next nursery drop off that the little boy was in his room, so maybe it’s about being familiar with the other kids / not feeling threatened.
Hang in there, you’re not alone, even if it does mean that going out on play dates sucks at the mo ! I just feel bad for my ds as well as at the mo it doesn’t seem like he has much fun sometimes when we go out -think it’s sometimes a bit stressful for them whilst they figure all these social things out . Hope it passes soon for you with your girl x

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