6 year old daughter playing with her private bits

[ilovestrictly]

My daughter has always been prone to habits and she seems to have recently developed a new one since we managed to successfully stop her sucking her thumb.

She now plays with herself - most often when sitting down watching the television or on car journeys - normally just rubbing herself through her clothes.

During half-term I really got cross with her a couple of times because she was doing it instead of getting on with her homework. I even stayed in the same room to ensure she concentrated and she still did it when my back was turned.

Yesterday, her teacher mentioned to me that she seems to be very slow at the moment in class - she gave me a couple of examples where she'd only written three words in an hour. I suspect she is probably doing the same at school.

I have asked her if it is itchy or sore - she says it feels nice - there doesn't seem to be any sign of infection, altho I plan to take her to the doctors tomorrow to double-check.

Has anyone got any ideas on what I should do? I've done the whole 'where/when it is appropriate' talk numerous times. Thank you.

[Elasticwoman]

I suggest you take it as a sign of boredom. Turn the tv off if you catch her and tell her to go to her bedroom if she wants to do that. Ask her if she thinks it would be ok to go to the toilet in a public room of the house.

Get her moving - dance to music if indoors, or play games if outside, with a ball or other children.

If she's doing it in the car, maybe she's spending too much time in the car and should walk more. Think about it - is the journey necessary and if so could she walk? That should cut down some car journeys.

I think you're wasting the doctor's time taking her there. Another unnecessary car journey maybe?

[ilovestrictly]

Thank you for the response Elasticwoman - however,the suggestions you have made I have either already applied or are not workable. She watches a bit of Cbeebies some evenings whilst I get tea ready, the rest of the time she is playing with her brother or we are at after-school activities. The driving issue is not one I can cut down either - we live in a village, so we do walk to school everyday, but need the car for everything else! My real concern is her school work and homework.

Would really appreciate a response from other parents who have experienced a similar issue with their child or can reassure me that she's normal!

[kiwiabroad]

I have the same challenge with my 6 year old. Her school teacher has now bought it to my attention that she is more interested in her privates than completing her class work. She is capable of so much more but gets herself distracted.

We have employed all the strategies of only in your bedroom, distractions etc and spoken to health visitors who also share the recommendations that people have made on this site.

Nothing so far has worked however we are also trying to stop her sucking her thumb. It seems whenever we focus on stopping one, the other starts. She has no infection and just claims she likes it and it tickles - fair enough just not at school or in assembly or in public.

We try to focus on keeping it to the bedroom. I dont want her to feel its wrong, its just in the wrong place. I am thinking of working with the teacher on a sticker systemfocusing on the do's rather than the don'ts of what she is doing - if she completes her work she gets a sticker for example. I think we also need to find an alternative to wriggling - if she feels like wriggling, she gets focussed on something else - not sure what yet!

Shall let you know how we get on. I am finding it a frustrating and slightly embarrassing journey though!

[neenpeen]

Hi - I have a similar problem with my daughter. She is 6 next month but since she's been in nappies she likes to put her favourite teddy between her legs and do her 'exercises' as she now calls it. She went through a stage of doing this constantly - in fact on one occasion when she was younger she started doing it in the living room at her grans house!! - I was horrified but tried not to make a fuss. She does it less often now but on occasions she will quietly go up to her room and tell me she is away to do 'her exercises". I leave her to it. Its an awkward one as I don't want to make a big issue out of it but I still find it a bit unsettling - its poor Teddy I feel sorry for!

[NorthernGobshite]

My dd, also 6, loves a "fumble" as we call it. Thankfully she has managed to learn its only for private time! So she often falls asleep with her hands in her PJ's! I figure, it feels nice, its her body so let her get on with it. There is no sexual thoughts attached to it at that age, its just a nice sensation and they're exploring their bodies.

Although not sure how to help your dd stop doing it at school!

[CountessVonKnackerstein]

Can I ask your advice on a very similar situation?
I haven't ever seen my DD touching herself at all, apart from pulling her pj's up as far as they go, but another Mum has approached me and said my DD has asked her DD if she can "tickle her bits" and my DD has asked the other little girl if she'd like to touch hers.
Isn't this an odd thing to say? I really am not sure how to handle it. I've always said to my daughter that her "tushy" is hers and nobody else should touch it, and that it's private.
I did overhear her asking her little brother (DS) if he would like to touch it, last year, I immediately said that it was wrong and it was private.
Any ideas as to how to approach this?

[Natafka]

It would be nice if the mums from years ago posted to share how they got on in the end!

Exactly the same situation for me. And it's only ever when she is sitting.

I suspect that is because she is sitting on her pelvic floor. In the same way our veins fill up when we squeeze our arm, sitting on the pelvic floor may be making everything much more sensitive.

Also her if her bladder is full, that may be contributing to it. So we are encouraging DD to pop to the loo to try and do a wee. And also asking the teacher if she can sit on her knees on the floor.

Not practical when sitting in chairs though.

And obviously all the other stuff around teaching her when and where it is ok vs not etc!

[5up3rd4dd]

im new, and was looking for advice but my comment was deleleted, can anyone tell me why?

[Lara53]

Fidget toy to occupy hands instead?

[dizabelle]

Yes I agree, it would be so nice if some of the mums who posted their worries here 8-9 years ago could update us on how things turned out. I hope all the girls eventually stopped or learnt when/where to do their ‘pushing’ as we call it. My almost 6 yr old has done it since she was about 6 months old. Eventually, after being told 10000 times, she learnt that it’s only to be done in private & now only does it at bedtime. It still really winds me up but as we all know, it’s completely innocent. I have lost my patience a few times when I hear her panting on the baby monitor (she shares her room with her little sister)... I feel bad as she obviously does not realise what she is doing wrong and says it feels nice to get the tickle and she can’t go to sleep unless she does it. I am concerned about future school tips & sleep overs & kids teasing her but hope that she will not do it then... good luck to you all. It’s a really tough one.

[Drpaintermum]

My DD has done this since diapers. At first I thought nothing of it. Then at about 1-2 years she would do it until she was red in the face, hot and sweaty! I was mortified! I did not want to tell her it was wrong (like my mom did to me and ruined that part of life for me until I was 30). So we told her, like others mentioned, its a private thing. It is always with her stuffed lovie toy. Until recently, she is 4 now and I have started to catch her with her hands down her pants. Tonight she started crying because she hurt down there and sure enough it was beat red and raw! Put on diaper cream and had a discussion about it. My main concern now is if she gets a UTI or infection. She lied about humping her lovie and I told her I need to know the cause of the pain so she shouldnt lie. I think she feels a tiny bit guilty.

My MIL suggested getting her bloomers instead of panties and to not let her wear leggings or pants as they may aggravate the area. At first I thought, "thats stupid" but I wonder if anyone has tried this. Cannot hurt to ask.

Doesnt seem like this magically goes away with time. Do most teachers understand this lottle problem? She just started school but loves it.

I liked the response about more frequent urination. I will try that! Keep them coming! This is such a taboo subject in my circle.

[Drpaintermum]

Neenpeen:

We tried telling our DD that her lovie didnt like being humped. I thought I was making quite a case but alas, it did not work. We tried taking the lovie away but that just felt mean.

I hate it too. But also have this weird idea that I am proud of her for taking control of her body. And maybe if she feels in control down there she will be a more confident lover when she is older. Or I may just be reaching for something positive as I bite my tongue. I do not want to screw up her sexuality mind you. I was raised to believe sex was dirty and pleasuring oneself was a sin. I hated sex at first and it almost ruined my marriage. My cautionary tale of woe.