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Five year old tantrums increasing

(14 Posts)
marykat2004 Tue 09-Feb-10 19:56:14

My 5 year old DD is having more and more tantrums, up to about 2-3 a day. Way more than she had as a two year old.

The latest example, that ended in kicking and screaming was at bedtime tonight. I started reading a second short story, and she wasn't paying attention. The time was getting on so I stopped the story. She started jumping on the bed (I am also getting worried about her hyperactivity, especially at bedtime - she runs around and jumps on furniture and won't stop when we tell her to). Then she decided she wanted the rest of the story. I decided she wasn't going to get it, since she wasn't paying attention, and the bedtime hour had by now passed.

DD started pestering for the story. I said I would read it tomorrow. So as not to encourage pestering, I refused back down.

Thus ensued a full blown tantrum about wanting this story.

Similarly, she pesters her dad for things like sweets and donuts, and when he doesn't back down and give in to her pestering, she has a full blown tantrum.

We do not, however, give in to tantrums. She still does not get what she wants.

Just now I shut her door and just waited for her to stop.

She also has very poor concentration at school, and although she is the oldest in her class, DD is the furthest behind on reading.

thanks for any advice.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Tue 09-Feb-10 19:58:49

Good for you for not giving in.

What sort of "wind down" routine do you have with your DD? Does she get plenty of opportunity to run off steam before her evening meal, for example?

marykat2004 Tue 09-Feb-10 20:14:01

We walked (and ran) half way home from her swimming lesson today. And on her dad's days, he has said he is going to start taking her to the park to play football after school. But so far the cold weather has meant that I guess quite often DH picks her up and they come home and watch telly. Then after supper she kicks into gear.

We have a bedtime routine, that even still includes milk (we cut it out when night training but she didn't wet the bed so she has it back), pajamas, stories, teeth brushing and so on. We start early enough to make it wind down or calm time, but more and more often DD is getting more and more hyper at bedtime.

I found an old thread from 2004 on here, about 5 year olds having tantrums. They just say don't give in. It does happen.

mintyfresh Tue 09-Feb-10 20:45:16

My ds also still has tantrums and really struggles to control his temper. We are working really hard on trying to get him to calm down before he erupts but doesn't always work. I blame myself because I'm hot headed and I think it is mainly learned behaviour which is not nice to see sad

He also struggles a lot with his concentration when he doesn't have any interest in what he's doing. He's way behind with maths although getting on well with reading. Like your dd, ds can't get to sleep and is often awake after 9pm despite a strict bedtime routine.

The strategies we are trying are talking really calmly and quietly so he realises he is the only one shouting. Praising him a lot when he does calm himself down. We don't give in to him either. Is hard work though isn't it!

neolara Tue 09-Feb-10 20:54:10

If your dd is "the furthest behind in reading" at school, is it possible that school is becoming a stressful environment for her? If so, I'd say it's not surprising that things are getting heated at home. It's much easier when you are feeling cross / upset / frustrated to kick off at your parents (who you know love you unconditionally) than at your teacher.

I would say that poor concentration at school could well be a symptom of her finding things difficult, as well as being a cause.

In your shoes I might go into school and have a chat with the teacher to see what could be done to support your dd with her learning.

marykat2004 Tue 09-Feb-10 20:56:43

Yes that is our DD too, often awake for hours. She doesn't like to get up in the morning either. I see her becoming a night owl but that is so impractical in life. Most of life still happens in the day time.

Is your DS also 5? Are they doing maths already? i wasn't aware if mine is. She is in reception.

I guess I am a bit hot tempered, too, I come from a very hot tempered family on all sides. DH is the opposite but gets very upset and depressed if he does lose his temper. He is usually a calm person. i really try to be calm too and go outside to calm down and also ignore tantrums.

masuki Mon 28-Mar-11 18:22:18

just found this thread as am at loss to know what to do with my DS age 5
he is very bright and quick to learn, however his temper is getting more angry, more violent. not sure how to control it. he smashes against the door, breaks a toy, screams mean things, and throws himself around on the floor. this was all over a friend who wanted to share his bike when they were playing after school. just at wits end. he is bright and beautiful but has this awful dark streak which scares me.

LeninGrad Mon 28-Mar-11 19:39:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crw1234 Mon 28-Mar-11 20:49:54

I don't know is this fits but my DS1 also 5 is hyper at bed time /tantrums when he is tired - I don't think there is anything wrong with a few days a week just coming home - watching a bit of TV and then stories etc - also what time is bed time - my DS1 needs be winding down by 7 and is normaly in bed at 7.30
but agree don't back done - that could make it worse - when he has calmed down we have cuddles - and I tell him I love him

And my friend's 5 year old -also not living with her dad - when through a bad phase recently - not tantrums - just in general being difficult - and actually what helped was a chat about why her mum and dad don't live together

the school issues - things like board games can help with concentration and practicing reading a fair bit - eg every day can help - we have to do it in the morning as DS1 is too tired in the eveining

Asinine Mon 28-Mar-11 21:27:06

If she is still tantruming despite not getting what she appears to want eg story, donut or whatever then there must still be something in it for her. It is possible she is getting attention for the actual tantrum itself. Try walking out on her the minute she starts on a tantrum and get dh to do the same.
5 year olds need a lot of sleep, around 12 hours a night.
Is she having tantrums at school?

Tgger Mon 28-Mar-11 21:30:39

Try making her bedtime half an hour earlier. Being hyper is a real sign of over-tiredness. Make an appointment with her teacher and see if you can support her, but really 5 is very young with reading so I would chill out about this. Is she reacting to anything new in her circumstances?

Also, why don't you have a set number of stories, and read them whether she pays attention or not. Sometimes they are so tired they can't really help themselves re not paying attention- or be a bit easier on her if she's really distracted give a friendly warning that if she doesn't pay attention then you'll stop the story? I think they like having a story without paying attention to it sometimes!!! Guess it's your call if that's ok or not.

Onetoomanycornettos Mon 28-Mar-11 22:42:02

She sounds overtired to me, not necessarily needing extra activities. School is immensely tiring at this age and the demands can be intimidating for a little one. I also agree with the person who said read to her anyway, if you expect full concentration and excellent behaviour at 7pm at night with a tired five year old you will be onto a loser. My eldest goes a bit hyper at night, she actually needs removing to bed, a nice milky drink and a hot water bottle (to entice her to stay in bed), a story tape also helps her stay in bed.

It is tiring though, yourself, it's that time of day when you need a rest too, so don't be too hard on yourself.

ridgyridge Fri 27-May-11 13:30:47

My DD is 5 and her tantrums take place on a daily basis, for pretty much any reason - her 2 yr old sister annoying her mainly. They are getting worse and worse and today, while at coffee at neighbours, she had a fight with her sister and just went beserk when I tried to take her home, kicking off her shoes, throwing herself on the floor and screaming at the top of her voice. All the way home she screamed that she hated me and continued once we got home. I put her straight in her room where she continued screaming, slamming the door, throwing things around etc. She is very intelligent and is about a year ahead of the other children in Reception, however I'm not using this as an excuse, because I just don't buy it. I spoke to her teacher about it and she basically couldn't believe what I was telling her as my daughter is an angel at school. When not screaming her head off, we have a very loving relationship, so I just don't understand her behaviour. It really is becoming unbearable. Does anyone have any advice they can give on how to deal with this? She's not tired/over stimulated etc, so I can't even use that as reason. I'm hoping that there is some underlying reason behind it, because the thought of it carrying on frankly makes me weep.

Tgger Fri 27-May-11 17:09:50

I bet she is reacting to her sister- my DS can behave in similar way with his sister (he's 4.5). She's probably not quite caught up with the fact her sister is becoming a "big girl" like her and will challenge her when playing etc.

Advice... ho hum.... I hope they get over it, zero tolerance to it is best but bloomin' tiring isn't it!

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