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Behaviour/development

It is not always frustration, is it?

8 replies

Louise1970 · 10/07/2005 08:36

My ds can scream and cry for most of the day sometimes and especially when he is ill. Nothing i say or do for him works. He just gets stroppy. It is getting better, but i think he is just going through a long long stage. He is a very very happy, laughing child most of the time. But he is so loud. EVERYONE says so. This week even my dd has started to cry when he comes near her or is in the same room with him, because he is so loud. DS is 19 months. DD is 5 months. And no its not jelousey beacuase he is still doing it when she is in bed. He just seems to get out of his cot the wrong side most mornings. He requires a lot of attention too.

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Lonelymum · 10/07/2005 08:45

Is he talking yet? It might be frustration at not being able to communicate his wants.

I agree it isn't jealousy. They aren't capable of that at that age I feel. You have your hands full, don't you? My first 2 were 18 months apart and that was hard enough!

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Louise1970 · 10/07/2005 10:11

Thank you lonelymum. Half the time he doesn't want what he has just asked for. He is not talking yet. But he has certain moans, grunts and groans for various things. Which i seem to be able to understand. But when he is given the thing after about 10 seconds he doesn't want it any more then he does then he doesn't. It is like an all day game with him. I do not give him everything. I am talking about things within reason. I am sure you know. Maybe i am just having another bad day!!!

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Lonelymum · 10/07/2005 10:27

Are you worried it is something more serious? He does just sound like a normal toddler to me, but you see him every day and compare him with others. Do you think he might have an attention problem?

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Louise1970 · 10/07/2005 10:40

i definetly think he has an attention problem so does my mum. But she said that i gave him too much attention in the first year. By continuly taling to him and showing him what i was doing etc. But i thought that that is what you are suppose to do. Or you can do what most of my friends do and leave them. While they carry on doing what the parent wants to do. I do know anyother parent who has done the same thing as me and she has two boys and they were not so attention seeking. IYO would you say that i have been too attentive.

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Lonelymum · 10/07/2005 11:04

Not sure about that. As you say, you are supposed to talk to them a lot and show them things to develop their knowledge of the world and language etc.

Undoubtedly, now that you have two, you are not going to be able to give ds the same amount of attention that you did, but on the other hand, he whould be getting to the age where he can amuse himself for a few moments. Also, although you aren't able to give him as much attention as you did, you now have a dd and they can amuse each other to some extent.

I do know from experience that subsequent children are easier than the first, perhaps because they start off with less attention and are more used to amusing themselves. I have 4 children and none of them were as demanding as ds1 was, but I don't think that is because he is difficult but because he had undivided attention for the first 18 months of his life.

I do sometimes feel we make a rod for our backs when we have our first child - you see everyone making the same mistakes and you wonder about it. My ds1 was my worst sleeper, for instance, because every time he woke up, we went to him. The other children, we ignored to some extent and hey presto, they went back to sleep all by themselves. But try telling a first time parent not to go to their child when s/he wakes in the night!

Sorry, I am rambling and probably not helping at all.

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Louise1970 · 10/07/2005 11:48

Not rambling just trying to be helpfull. By having the children so close i have been able to work out that my ds behaved differently to my dd from the start. From the day he was always crying always on the move, alert. People were surpirsed. He lifted his head on his second day. Just really quite active and there it has stayed. My ddwas always laid back slept all the time even in hospital. (not like my ds). So maybe it is a bit of both.

Something my monther said to me yesterday, i think i will start another message called Why are babies,toddlers,children so different today than 30 years ago....

Could be a good topic

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Lonelymum · 10/07/2005 13:50

Have you done it? I don't think they are different. Perhaps we respond differently as parents though....

Has it occurred to you that your ds might just be very bright and in search of stimulation?

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Louise1970 · 11/07/2005 11:17

Lonelymum, i yern to hope that this is all because he is bright. At least i can have an excuse for it. We all cope better with things when we know what the problem is. I do read to him for 3 hours a day and in the car talk to him and point out things and so does he. But he can not talk yet. he has always understood what i have said, but i use the 3 words phlosophy. Sorry about my spelling but i am not very good at it. Thats why it is important for my child to read and write..........