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When children name should dd handle it?

(10 Posts)
Earlybird Wed 29-Jun-05 07:53:31

DD is 4.5, and in the last few weeks of nursery. Her classmates are largely a lovely group of children, but there are two girls in particular who seem to delight in name calling. Unfortunately dd seems to regularly be on the receiving end of their childish insults.

I know this is a natural part of childhood development, but would like suggestions from experienced parents about what to tell DD to do when she's called "poo poo head" or told "you're not my friend" or some other 4 year old insult. Poor thing feels upset, and I'm afraid that response will fuel more insults when others see she is being wound up. She needs to learn to stand her ground now so she's not a target in future. What can she say/do to nip it in the bud?

suzywong Wed 29-Jun-05 08:15:43

teach her the old rhyme

sticks and stones may break my bones
but names will never hurt me


Twiglett Wed 29-Jun-05 08:18:05

teach her to laugh cos they are so silly

I am sorry but my 4.5 year old (boy) spends most of the day saying poo-poo, poo-poo-head, silly bottom and it is almost impossible to stop (I have tried)

Fran1 Wed 29-Jun-05 08:25:51

As the others have said, give her some emotional strength to help her.
Tell her stories like, when you were a little girl children said it to you, but you knew they were only being silly. (always comforting to hear others been thru it!)

As it is affecting your dd, i'd be inclined to speak to the staff, let them know your realise its a common occurence, but explain your dd is coming home upset and you would appreciate if they kept a close eye on her and the culprits (hopefully they'll make sure she gets an extra cuddle if it happens).
They could do some groupwork with the children about importance of being nice to friends, and what makes people sad and why we shouldn't do those things. Obviously they wouldn't single your dd out here, just make it a general lesson to learn.

suzywong Wed 29-Jun-05 08:26:47

ain't that the truth Twiglett

Earlybird Fri 01-Jul-05 15:52:25

Thanks for your suggestions. I've spoken to school staff, who have given a general "we must be kind to others" talk. They are also being vigilant for this sort of behaviour so it can be nipped in the bud. Have also spoken to two of the mums (who have seen dd in tears, but I think don't realise that it's their dds who are responsible). They were sympathetic, and perhaps will say something general to their dds. Have also arranged playdates with the culprits (heavily supervised to hopefully give a "good" encounter), and with other children who are "kinder". And finally, have done a bit of role play at home which hopfully will help dd to respond if/when it happens again.

I know that this sort of name calling is typical for this age, but I am fearful that it could escalate into bullying, and of course, want to protect dd from being upset. Will let you know how we get on, but again thanks for your suggestions.

zebraZ Fri 01-Jul-05 21:18:15

This kind of thing seems very common among the girls in DS1's class, I hear the other mum's tuttering about it a lot.

Sorry no solutions, but if it's so common hopefully it's usually just a phase.

gigglinggoblin Fri 01-Jul-05 21:28:14

i remember being called names when i was a bit older than your dd (wasnt really bullying, just kids twisting my surname). my mum sat down with me and we made up a load of names to say back to the kids who were upsetting me. possibly not the best approach, but it did the trick. i think the other kids either didnt like being called the names or they saw it wasnt bothering me. of course it could just make the problem worse if they see it as a game then - ds1 and ds2 call each other names all the time and get back as good as they give, but if it is a game they are less likely to be upset at least. not very pc, i know but worked for me!

throckenholt Sat 02-Jul-05 12:57:04

I am amazed at the amount of "I'm not friends with you" and "if you aren't my friend I will tell Miss, and she won't let you come again" and "i'm not friends iwth you because you are friends with her" I hear from the girls at our playgroup - they are all between 4 and 5. I remember that from when I was at school (I never had any friends because I always said I was friends with everyone - so no-one wanted to be friends with me ) - I didn't realise it starts so young.

And I have never heard the boys do it.

Why ?

Pinotmum Sat 02-Jul-05 13:23:47

My dd is 4.8 yo and at Nursery and sometimes complains that one boy keeps telling her she is a boy and that her mummy is a man and her daddy is a lady. So I said to her next time say yes that's right, my mum IS a man etc. She found this very amusing and he found it confusing

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