i need help...what would you have done...???

[Heathcliffscathy]

i've posted about ds's biting before, so i'll cut the crap and cut straight to it. we were in someone's car today and he wanted to stay in it and pretend to be driving etc. i said he couldnt'. he was standing in passenger seat so i went round to that door to get him out, explaining that we were going in so that he could have his supper. he grabbed my arm and bit me so hard he has drawn blood.

what would you have done at that point?

he has been biting for 5 months now and is 20 months old.

[morningpaper]

A full-on bollocking, then dragged him to his room and shut the door.

[angie0201]

oh i am so sorry, i used to work in a nusery and have been in that situation a lot, have you tried star charts we found that was quite effective although they were 3-4 years not sure how it would work for DS, sorry i couldn't be much more help just wanted to offer my support

[Heathcliffscathy]

seriously mp? he's not two yet. and what do you mean by a full on bollocking: shouting or really stern voice explaining?

oh come on all you lot, get your fingers out, i'm in dire straits here, even if you've never been there...what would you have done given his age?

[Heathcliffscathy]

thanks angie, think he is way too young for starcharts btw...isn't he?

[morningpaper]

My angry voice is QUIET but SCARY.

I started sending dd to her room when she was 18 months old. I'm very strict, lots of my chums think I'm TOO strict because 'she's such an angel'. UM well that's why IMO!

[michellefromlakeland]

yes really telling off
tears an so on
and you pretend to cry
also start sing warnings that he " is going in soon" etc so he has time to get his head around change
this is te beginning of tantrums and terrible twos I am afraid,

[michellefromlakeland]

also I have held ds3s arm near my teeth and sadi" mummy bite charlie?"

and he says "Nooooooooooooo" thorugh his bleary eyees.

[Katemum]

Trying to remember what ds language skills were like at this age. Think I would have picked him up, stated clearly that we do not bite and, if at home, put him away from me for a minute or two and turned my back on him. After that I would expect a sorry. ds had very little language at this point so a sorry would be him rubbing my arm better. hth

[marne]

I was talking to a freind about biting a few days ago and she said that she bit her mum when she was a child, her mum bit her back and she never did it again. I know it not the right thing to do but if nothing else works than i would try it.

[Heathcliffscathy]

katemum, that's exactly what i did. put him straight down. said 'no biting' really sternly and showed him how he hurt mummy saying ow. then walked away from him (couldn't go too far as was near a road). when he went to get up to come towards me, sat him back down again and v v sternly 'you need to think about what you've done, you've really hurt mummy...' walked away again. then said 'say sorry' to which response was to stroke arm and hair.

BUT IT'S NOT WORKING! i've been doing pretty much that, every time he's done it or gone to do it for months and he is still doing it! i'm at wits end with this...

[michellefromlakeland]

oi s be CROSS

[morningpaper]

Do you ever tell him off so much that he cries?

[Heathcliffscathy]

i was bloody furious m, i felt like throwing him across the road, but managed to contain myself and maintain an even tone. am sure he picked up on my anger tho...

[Heathcliffscathy]

mp. that's the problem, leaving him in a room makes him cry, but telling off and even (once) shouting just made him either look blank or the shouty time laugh!

[morningpaper]

I would definitely go for the bollocking and then immediately marching him to his room and shutting the door. If he thinks that bollocking is funny then he'll soon learn that you mean business.

[Socci]

Message withdrawn

[Heathcliffscathy]

so what if we are outside like we were today????

[Heathcliffscathy]

so i'm not being hardcore enough with him...why does it feel wrong to me to be hard with an under two year old??

i should bollock him in a scarey not shouty but i mean it voice, take him to his room and shut the door for a minute??????

[morningpaper]

That's what I'd do.

He might be less than 2 but he's already causing BIG TROUBLE.

[weesaidie]

Hello sophable

I am here as requested (on another thread!) but as my dd is 15 months and is yet to start biting I have very little constructive to say!

Just looked at my Christopher Green 'Toddler Taming' and as usual he recommends 'time out' (he loves it!) but I have yet to try it so I can't say whether it works for me - yet.

I think it is all about leaving them in their/separate room until they are 'sorry' and be consistent, that is another thing of his, keep doing so until he understands!

But this all just from a book and I have no real idea so sorry if I am just telling you to do what you have already tried!

Of course you weren't at home but he basically says that in that case your hands are tied!

[Socci]

Message withdrawn

[Heathcliffscathy]

you're right mp. we're at our wits end. he is lovely apart from this if you can believe that???

ok. so i'm going to start putting him in his room for a minute, timed. what do i do when we're out of the house (this is often when it happens btw)? and what do i do if he's doing it to someone else (i usually get in there first)?

[Heathcliffscathy]

so anger might be spurring him on?? i'm confused...

thanks for coming ladies, i wouldn't have hijacked excpet that loads of you were on there and i am DESPERATE....

[morningpaper]

If you do it a few times in your own home he should get the idea that you are being serious. If it was at someone else's house I would immediately leave, while you are at a crisis situation.

[weesaidie]

Christopher Green agrees with Socci!

Talks a lot about positive attention v negative attention... but difficult not to ignore when you are bleeding I guess!