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DS wants a party, but is a bit 'billy-no-mates'

(26 Posts)
Easy Mon 27-Jun-05 13:00:14

Ds wants a party for his 6th Birthday, but I have 2 probs with it.

1. He doesn't have many friends. When I ask him who he wants to invite, it's just 3 little boys. I don't want to invite his whole class (27 is just tooooo many), but seems a bit thin with just 3 from school, and 2 other friends)

2. His Birthday is 1st Sept. So if we invite school friends we'll have to invite before the summer holidays, and I'm frightened the mums will forget or not be bothered when the day actually dawns, making him V. disappointed.

What is your advice?
BTW I only know 1 of his school friends, as childminder does school run most days of the week.

hunkermunker Mon 27-Jun-05 13:01:35

With fewer children, you can do something really exciting. Do you have anywhere special near you to take them?

jampots Mon 27-Jun-05 13:03:09

that sounds fairly normal too. ds has only had 1 "real" big party nd hated it. He usually invites his 3 best friends over and we do something fun.

Easy Mon 27-Jun-05 13:03:28

last year we met up with another Mn and her kids at Twycross zoo.

We're quite near American Adventure, but frightened we might lose someone else's son there!

soapbox Mon 27-Jun-05 13:03:28

Can you do cinema trip??

I would invite children now and follow up with phone call a week or so before the big day to make sure they don't forget!

throckenholt Mon 27-Jun-05 13:04:09

I think it is better with a small number - they get to play together more.

What does he want to do - go somewhere or have something at home - party with cake candles etc or just some friends round ?

Can you get their addresses and send out an invitation nearer the time - maybe send a note before term ends just to let them know it is on the cards.

Will he be seeing any of them over the summer ?

KBear Mon 27-Jun-05 13:04:34

I would be relieved that he doesn't want 12 or so little boys round! Why not speak to the mum's and get their addresses so you can post the invites nearer the time so they don't forget. You can plan something really special focused on your child rather than paying out for lots of kids to run riot at your expense!

hunkermunker Mon 27-Jun-05 13:05:02

Can you ask any of his friends parents if they'll come with you to American Adventure?

flashingnose Mon 27-Jun-05 13:05:34

I would have a word with his teacher and try and up it a bit, personally. DS was new at the beginning of Year 1 and his party was really useful for me in terms of putting faces to names and getting to talk to the children and their parents. I would also leave his party until week 2 of the new term and send the invites out on the second day back.

However, if he really is adamant that he only wants a few children, then you can obviously do something more exciting/pricey with a smaller group.

flashingnose Mon 27-Jun-05 13:06:26

Oops, minority of one there !

hunkermunker Mon 27-Jun-05 13:06:26

Depends on the teacher though, FN - might just end up being really embarrassing for him if s/he's heavy-handed about it. I'd have been mortified if I'd known the teacher was trying to make me more popular at school!

Prettybird Mon 27-Jun-05 13:07:06

Six littel boys is porbably a nice number.

We have a similar porblem, altohugh ds is only 4, as he finishes nursery at the end of this week and his 5th birthday will be only a couple of weeks after he has started school (starts school in Agust, birthday on 10 September).

So what we are going to do is issue invites to those kids he wants from nursery (although the wee sod, I mean darling, has just changed his mind and decided he doesn't want any of them invited!), and ask them to give us telephone numbers in their response. That way we can ring and remind them closer to the date.

If you want more numbers, does your ds ahve any relatives who are close-ish in age to him?

I know our magician friend says that it's actually better if there aren't too many kids.


outofmydeppth Mon 27-Jun-05 13:07:52

I took my 6 year old to the cinema with a small group of friends. Not only is it cheaper (!), you'll be able to manage them easier and the friends that go will feel more special & at ease than if they're in a large group.

flashingnose Mon 27-Jun-05 13:08:28

Ooh no, not in a social engineering kind of way, more in a "ds is having a party and would like to invite 12 children but is having trouble choosing - who would you suggest?" kind of way IYKWIM. I suggested larger because I thought it might be a good thing for Easy, if she doesn't get to pick up or drop off.

hunkermunker Mon 27-Jun-05 13:10:09

Ah, I understand! I did wonder - the horror of having your teacher make other children be friends with you - !!

gigglinggoblin Mon 27-Jun-05 13:10:36

ds2s birthday is august 15th, so he is going to get 2 birthdays - party before end of term for school friends and then family party at home. he doesnt seem to have a little gang of his own either, so i wouldnt know who to invite if it wasnt for the fact that i just invite the whole class. if your ds just wants 3 mates over, then why argue? let them order pizza/watch videos/hire a bouncy castle? or have a water bomb party if the weather is like this!

Easy Mon 27-Jun-05 13:13:11

He wants to take a gang to a play centre or theme park, but can't name the 'gang' to take (in other words he wants a big party, but doesn't know who to invite).

Also, he has stated that the party must be on or BEFORE his birthday !!!

I sent a note via school for of the boys just before last 1/2 term, inviting him to come and play one of the days. Put my phone no. on the note for his mum to arrange a day, but she didn't ring us. Ds was disappointed about that.

So I don't know if ds will see any but 1 of the other children over summer.

Don't want to sound paranoid, but on the odd days I do take or collect ds to school, none of the other mums chat with me (I have really tried). Thing is, I'm disabled, and older than most of the other mums, and I think they see me as different. Sorry, now I do sound paranoid.

chipmonkey Mon 27-Jun-05 13:17:09

When ds2 had just started school and didn't know many people, I got him to invite the children who sat at his table in school, about 5 kids, plus friends from home.

chipmonkey Mon 27-Jun-05 13:18:23

Could you pretend its not his birthday till school has started?

Easy Mon 27-Jun-05 13:20:34

Unfortunately, chipmonkey, my bright little boy has got the hang of how calendars work, and knows full well when his birthday is.

Start of term is already written on our calendar in the kitchen

flashingnose Mon 27-Jun-05 16:41:41

I really do think a bigger party would be a good thing for both of you, from what you've said. TBH, some of the parents might not actually realise you're his Mum rather than a carer IYKWIM. When ds joined his first school, I was stunned at how nobody talked to me and ds received no invitations for parties or playdates at all in the whole of his first year.

He moved schools at the start of year 1 and I was determined that it wouldn't happen again, so have worked my way through most of the boys in his class asking them for tea and most have asked my ds back. I also asked most of them to his party and again, he's had quite a few party invitations back. I am not a confident person and this has been sheer hell for me on occasion but I made myself do it and am very glad I have. One tip a friend gave me, especially if you're not regularly collecting, is to phone parents at home to arrange playdates - I find it much easier than face to face and they're usually more receptive (and by their calendar!).

And tell your ds that parties halfway through September are much more fun !

clary Mon 27-Jun-05 16:51:13

Ooh yes Easy, some good suggestions here esp FN’s of asking the teacher for names. I did that with ds1’s 4yo party (nursery school pals) as I also didn’t collect etc very often, and out of that list came one person who is now a good friend and her children too.
What I was going to say re the timing is that it is really hard if you have early sept or august b/days; so many people are away at those times that you can really struggle.
I think the only thing to do is to invite before the hols and then get numbers to ring.
But I would be much happier making it later in Sept. Can you not explain this prob to yr ds? He sounds like a clever chap so I’m sure he’ll get the idea.

Easy Mon 27-Jun-05 17:30:48

Thanks everyone for your suggestions so far.

I do want to invite lots of kids, and would love to doit. Flashingnose, how do you get parent's phone numbers?

Clary I will try to hold the party a bit later in Sept.

Mind you we go away on the 19th. but maybe a week or so after term's finished.

Want to try to organise a couple of playdates for the summer hols too, so will have to try to make contact with these mummies somehow.

Easy Mon 27-Jun-05 17:31:35

DOH.... I mean after terms started ...

flashingnose Mon 27-Jun-05 20:10:49

We have a class list with everyone's name and address on it, organised by our class rep.

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