Am I an overprotective nutter mother from hell!?

[emily05]

I am really starting to worry that I am being overprotective and will hinder my ds from being a kid who has fun!

Please tell me whether I am or not. He is 3 in August. should I let him:

1. play upstairs on his own?
   
2. climb up and down the stairs without me watching?
   
3. play on a trampoline without me holding his hands?
   
4. be in a room without me there (like a mad stalker!)?
   
5. climb up stairs to a slide on his own?
   
   You get the jist. Saw my neices today and one is the same age as my ds and my sil is so laid back with her but I am paranoid ds will have an accident and am now thinking I might be OTT.
   
   thanks for listening!

[Heathcliffscathy]

think it would be ok to let him do all of the above (as long as upstairs is childfriendly, that he is good on stairs etc)...

don't give yourself too hard a time tho...it's hard to let go...

[WigWamBam]

IMO he's old enough to do all of those things - as long as you're there to supervise him on the trampoline, of course.

[PrincessPeaHead]

yes yes no yes yes

trampolines are bloody dangerous, don't let him play on one by himself. ideally don't let him play on one at all!

[hercules]

Yes to all of them.

[Heathcliffscathy]

of course not unsupervised pph, but could a 3 year old on a little trampoline be ok without hands held if mother was standing by it???

[fruitful]

yes, yes, yes (a baby one with a handle to hold on), yes and yes! Well, it depends on your ds. Is he a (self)-destructive nutter child? In the nicest possible way, of course. I mean some children take it into their heads to do the most alarming things while others seem quite sane.

In the last week when you've been supervising him in all these ways, how many times has he nearly seriously injured himself?

[ScummyMummy]

1.yes, if it's a hazard free room, he's happy and you check on him every so often
2.yes, unless he's not a confidnet climber yet or the stairs are abnormally steep
3.definitely yes if you mean a small kids' trampoline
4. yes- see 1
5 definitely yes

[motherinferior]

I'm with PPH. Do I assume this is your first child, btw?

I tend to assume that if there are no actual wails coming out of the Inferiorettes' room they are very probably OK if possibly indulging in acts which are antisocial and/or mildly destructive.

[Raggydoll]

my ds1 is only 18mths so not sure if this helps but....

1. he plays in his room while I am in a different room upstairs and sometimes I pop downstairs for a few minutes. It helps to go through their room and remove all potential hazards for your own peace of mind.
   
   
2. He can't really go up and down the stairs unsupervised yet.
   
   
3. Again, he is quite a bit younger so its hard to compare but ds plays on cousins trampoline, but I do stand right by the side with him although I don't have to hold onto him... he seems okay even if I'm a nervous wreck!
   
   
4. Definatley... ds is left in lounge while I make dinner, fold clothes upstairs, and peg out washing etc probably max about 10 - 15mins at a time and I can always hear he is ok.
   
   
5. DS goes on the slide at the playgroup but tbh it wouldn't be much of a fall if he did slip just 2 steps I think.
   
   Sometimes I have to force myself to hang back it is really difficult when it is simply your natural instinct to protect them. Also i think it does depend on the child, my ds is naturally quite cautious so he doesn't really get himself into to many scrapes or dangerous situations whereas I know some kids are little daredevils & like magnets for injury and accident... which of course would make you a lot more overprotective.

[desperatehousewife]

Yes to all.

[deegward]

yes

[HappyHuggy]

I let ds1 do all these things - hes 3

would be a bit wary of the trampoline though depending on what sort it was - ds1's got one of those little kiddie square ones and he's fine with that

[emily05]

oh no! I a mad stalker mother lol!

He is my first and I think if I had another one (or indeed with the next) I would not be so bad. I think that motherhood has not been easy and has brought out all my insecurities and my ability to assess risks has gone out the window!

It is when I read news stories (often on mumsnet lol) that I get worse. But your responses have made me realise I need to take a step back.
Luckily he has now started nusery - so this will help me become less bonkers I think (unless I start stalking the windows of the nursery!)

I dont think that it helps that ds is very active so since he was little I have struggled to keep up with him.
There was an incident when he was 18 months old when he feel into a pool and sank, this put the fear of god into me and although obviously I was there and he is ok, maybe that split second of seeing him sink has made me a bit ott. thanks for listening to me go on (this has become a bit of an issue betweeen me and dh) and thanks for your opinions x

[Miaou]

I was just the same as you when my dds were this age, only dh is the same (if not worse) than me in terms of overprotectiveness! We both relaxed (slightly ) as they got older, but still find it hard to let them go down the road to call on friends or visit the park without us (they are 6 and 8), and I know a lot of our acquaintances think we are mad! Like you, I wish we could be more relaxed but take the view that as long as we are not stifling them we can rest assured that they are less likely to come to any harm. Please everyone else, don't take that as a dig at what you do, it's just what suits us!

[KBear]

My DS is 3.5

He does play upstairs sometimes although prefers to play in the living room cos that is where most of his toys are.

I would only let him on a trampoline that had a guard round it.

He does go upstairs but I'm always yelling "hold on tight".

I watch him at the park climbing up stuff but mainly so he doesn't get shoved out the way by bigger kids!

I think try to relax and let him do some things on his own or he will be scared of stuff but balance that with protecting him for his own sake and the sake of your grey hairs!

[emily05]

MaloryTowers - totally, and could do with loosening up a bit. Think I might build up to the 8ft climbing frame!!

Miaou - thanks for your post. It did make me feel better. I have been feeling quite bad lately as I am quite iscolated (support wise) and often over think things! I think you and your dh are doing a grand job.

[emily05]

KBear - I think it's too late for the grey hairs!

[flobbleflobble]

Playing alone upstairs - that would be a no for me, and I would be right next to him on a trampoline if not holding hands!

[HappyMumof2]

Message withdrawn

[katierocket]

yes to all of them

[Twiglett]

yes, providing house is child-proofed (don't mean stair-gates, just obvious dangers)
yes, if he's confident and can do it
yes, if you're close by
yes, of course
yes

[fastasleep]

I'm a terrible mummy obviously! Lol DS is 15 months and has a baby trampoline with a handle (no guard) in the front room, I don't hold his hands... I let him go up the stairs by himself (while I watch from afar) but not down yet... I let him play in his room by himself if he's in a quiet mood... and I frequently let him down massive helter-skelters as long as there's someone to attempt to catch his whizzy little body at the bottom and yours is nearly three...I'm reckless!

[Twiglett]

my 13 month old goes on trampolines without me holding her hands btw (although she can't walk yet and is very good at crawling down and I hover round the edge of it)

I was far more nervous with DS (first child) and used to hover round him on stairs till he was about 2

Now we let DS (4) and all his friends aged from 2.5 to 5 disappear upstairs for ages .. if we hear cries, we wait to see if they subside and then go up if they don't work it out within 5 mins

[Jimjams]

ds2 is 3 and does all those things. We have a big trampoline with safety net and I keep an eye on him then although often from the kitchen window. The only thing I don't let him do alone is walk down the hideous concrete death trap steps from our kitchen to the garden (they're on the list to be removed).

Depend on your child though- ds1 is 6 but requires full time constant supervision. He got out of a friends garden today and just ran- he's very fast with no road sense. For the first time ever I thought I wasn't going to catch him before he got to a road. Well I wasn't, but luckily he got distracted by a doorbell and window into someone's house and stopped to nose.

Because of being used to ds1 levels of supervision- I find it hard to lay off ds2 when we're out and about, but I do try.