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2 year old has now become slightly violent towards others

(3 Posts)
bumbly Thu 12-Nov-09 15:41:59

following on from another thread...apparently been told this is all normal from mumsnet

so story so far

little one always been gentle giant
big for his age - 2 and bit
bright and can communicate ok

gets lots of things snatched from him so now is all defensive whenever a baby or toddler comes near and kicks/pushes..learning fast and emulating bad behavious fast all of a sudden

well i can see why - he does not want things taken as has happened a lot form some pushy toddlers

also does not like babies as they "cant" be disciplined and are embodiment of being backwards in his eyes - in that they cant walk talk etc

has also started to play bite and hit me when angry...never would do that before but got confused re eating you up cuz so lovely by grand folk saying it all the time

but it is the kicking as soon as a toddler goes slightly near that am mainly writing about

been told i am depressed etc all along and this is normal

so ok i ask what do i do to help this situtation?

thank you!

LIZS Thu 12-Nov-09 16:29:12

I'm sorry but, frustrating though it can be, it is normal . He's two and presumably most of his playmates are similar age or younger. They have no real concept of sharing yet and cannot negotiate verbally so become possessive and react impulsively with a snatch, shout or aggressive reaction to intrusions. dd bit and I was mortified, ds was more often on the receiving end.

If he does go to kick or snatch, get down to his level get his attention, tell him he cannot do that and needs to play nicely, if needs be offer the toy to the other child and give more attention to the "victim". If he wants something another child has , tell him to wait, then ask the other child if he may have it. If other child says no, then your ds has to be told to do something else until it is free, offer him an alternative toy or activity and attention for not kicking off. In the end you can't force another child to cooperate, no matter how unfair it seems and he has to leanr how to deal with such disappointment.

You may have to engineer opportunities to practise this on a one to one basis with another toddler, maybe arrange a short playdate - allow him a count of, say, 10 to finish playing with the disputed toy and then hand it over. With just 2 you can do games where each takes a turn ie. to add a block to a tower, go down a slide or to roll a ball at skittles. Again it is something he will learn when he attends playgroup etc without you and has to operate by specific, neutral rules. In the meantime you have to accept that kids his age do not yet operate by our accepted social conventions and it could be a couple of years before it comes naturally. hth

bumbly Thu 12-Nov-09 22:11:44

hi lizs/guardian angel

today i had a friend over with child similar age

my one immidiately rammed him for no reason with a trike and then bashed his hand and made hinm cry

this one was not even threatening at all..not even grabbing hius toys

then tongiht when i was trying to brush his teeth he bit me again

...so am shattered!

advice great - i (will)do exactly as you say

one thing though he hardly ever snatches and goes for toys not used

what i find hard is how to explain when someone snatches from him....yest he waited for a toy and then played happily and then it got snatched out of blue quite badly resulting in bruise to face...

sharing if i explain he gives toys to others so is good with that

but recently with so many tough toddlers having a go at him it looks like he is retaliating! glad he is toughening up but suddenly too much - how do i get the right balance??

tonight he said you taking cars away cuz was nughty with friend? i said yes and actually did it!

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