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Am I the only one with a 10year old who thinks she can tell me what to do?

(12 Posts)
LoveMyGirls Mon 09-Nov-09 12:49:39

I'm just wondering?

Since dd1 was 7 I've found her increasingly full of attitude, I've tried various disaplines such as early bedtime, not treating her to something if she doesn't behave, even time out and of course talks about her behaviour and how they affect others.

A few week's ago she got a letter home from school asking if she could go on a trip to France the deposit is £50 then another £60 before christmas and then rest rest by june (total of £315) we said if she could behave for a whole week we would give her the first installment even though we are skint at the moment, after a couple of week's of her not behaving and being warned lots she eventually got round to be good for a whole week and as we think it will be a shame for her to miss out such an opportunity we gave her the money.

Well since then her attitude is slipping. I let her have a farm on my facebook account, we both look after it, one day I added a few extra plots and when she looked she went off on one at me so I banned her from it for a few days and reminded her I wouldn't be spoken to like that and she was not to tell me what to do as I am the adult and I can make my own decisions.

This morning I came in the kitchen to find her having a strop because I had not got the right kind of chocolate bar for her lunchbox. hmm I'm not joking! I offered her a few alternatives and she kept turning her nose up so I said ok go without.

I know these are little thing's for her to try and tell me what to do/ strop over but its the principal of my child thinking she can call the shots that annoyed me.

Am I the only one who gets this?

Any advice? It's wearing very thin now and I know I could stop her going on this trip but tbh I don't think that would help. If she has no respect for me now god help me in a few years time.

After 3 yrs (more maybe) I feel I'm getting worn down by her constant attitude.

kreecherlivesupstairs Mon 09-Nov-09 13:18:49

You aren't alone. I have an 8.6 dd who is an only. She has a very overinflated sense of her importance and we often have conversations along the lines of 'you can't tell me what to do' spoken by me. She thinks that she can make play dates, organise sleepovers and invite people for tea without consulting me. I don't mind any of these in the slightest, but, dh works very long hours at an extremely stressful job. He doesn't want two screaming girls running around when he comes home. Nor do I want to be driving halfway around the lake to drop her best friend off home.
No advice, just keep parenting the way you see fit, although I would seriously consider not letting her go to France.

bruffin Mon 09-Nov-09 14:52:09

What is her behaviour like at school?

Kbear Mon 09-Nov-09 15:08:56

How about the calm approach and sit down and actually talk to her about her behaviour and attitude and how it affects you, how you feel she is disrespectful and it is not any way to behave if she expects treats like the france trip.

They are bundle of hormones at that age and strop for no apparent reason but I find with my DD who is that age if I show that I am hurt by her stroppiness she feels guilty and rethinks her attitude quite quickly. If I blew a gasket every time she stropped it would be world war three in here so I just (most of the time, unless I'm pre-menstrual ha ha) calmly explain the good stuff she gets and she might want to calm down and be less stroppy or the good times will cease to roll LOL

ZZZenAgain Mon 09-Nov-09 15:35:16

I'm afraid to say I resort to a kind of lunatic laugh (because I don't know what else to do). Luckily for me it seems to be infectious.

The other thing I sometimes do, and i admit it is a dirty trick, is I use long words, very long words. This is always followed by heavy silence on her part where she is chewing over a new word and trying to figure it out. Before the evening is out, she will have had a bash using the new word herself. I sort of side track her like that.

LoveMyGirls Mon 09-Nov-09 18:26:42

Dh says I have PMT and it's not that bad. I have got PMT but I do still feel I'm not treated respectfully by dd1.

teadrinker Mon 09-Nov-09 19:34:58

my 10yr old has definately changed since she started yr 6. She's such a good kid most of the time but when the hormones hit its awful. I don't remember being this horrible this early.

Am I looking at life thru rose-coloured glasses?

ZZZenAgain Mon 09-Nov-09 21:04:15

I think we were pretty horrible you know but at the time we thought it was the dp being unreasonable and that we were in fact quite nice.

bruffin Mon 09-Nov-09 21:32:28

DD 12 has had her moments since she was about 9, last night she threw a wobbly about taking mobile up to her room at bed time.
Yet today she did something very kind at school and we knew that there is the lovely little girl is still hovering underneath.

I came to the conclusion a while ago as long as they know how to behave when it matters not to get overly stressed over the mouthyness at home as they are just testing their boundries in the secure knowledge that you love them unconditionally.

It's when the behaviour starts slipping out to school that you need to start to worry.

bruffin Mon 09-Nov-09 21:34:13

I forgot to say that DD's puberty (has started her periods) has coincided perfectly with my perimenopause can make for a few fireworks.

Ingles2 Mon 09-Nov-09 21:40:04

I'm getting loads of attitude from my ds1... He was only 10 2 weeks ago and has overnight turned into a horror at home. The word 'no' is the first thing that springs to his lips every moment of the day.
can you do your homework..'no'
get your dirty football kit so I can wash it... 'no'
lay the table, go to bed, have a shower just about everything I ask I get no...
Thankfully he's angel at school, a really goody 2 shoes but at home he's starting to drive me seriously insane.
He's lost his ps/computer time tomorrow so we'll see how we get on. I predict full on strops more suited to a 2 yr old grin

Pinkbump3 Tue 10-Nov-09 10:38:07

Sounds like my dd! she is 10 and thinks she is little miss independent she has always been like that! we clash all the time she tells me, im a horrible mother that i hate her and love the others more than her, she never gets anything everybody hates her, she hates all her clothes especially what i pick!! etc etc etc... to honest if im having a bad day i just send her to her room which she hates as she is a right outdoors kid and that usually does the trick or i copy her tantrums and she ends up laughing at me. mostly i turn my back to her and have a chuckle to myself as she reminds me exactly of my relationship with my mother! yet all her friends parents and teachers say how great she is hmm

dd2 8yrs is a wee angel she never moans always does as asked and always happy

dd3 who is 7mths is going to be exactly like dd1 she is a demanding bad tempered little so and so! screams at the top of her lungs,throws herself around and will not let anyone cuddle her another miss independent!!grin

i think they are just born with that nature and its not anything your doing wrong they just are like that and the best thing to do is not let it get you down.

Try to see the light hearted side to it for the sake of your own sanity and you might find it rubs off on her. A lot of the time i just look at my dd having a tantrum and not say a single word just stare at her and she goes from ranting and raving to rolling around laughing beause she knows how silly she is behaving!

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