When does it go from bouncy/a handful to "a problem"?

[Flamebat]

Time and time again I am here posting about Flameboy.

Once again, he is completely out of control - bouncing off walls, throwing toys (not in temper, in just general bouncing), slamming doors. He spent yesterday morning tearing up and making into balls what he thought was scrap paper (so not malicious), but it turned out to be the photocopies of my maternity notes (most of them were salvageable).

I can sit him on the stairs as much as you like, but he will just go straight back to bouncing once he is done.

He isn't being naughty, just Too Much.

I take him out of the house as much as possible, but some days it just isn't.

Nursery and preschool don't seem to have a problem with him.

It is just the longer it goes on, the more I start to wonder if he is just a very bouncy boy, or if there is something else like ADHD or something (not helped by DD1 being on the spectrum, so I think I have always had my radar on iyswim).

He is probably just a handful and me not strong enough to control him.

Half the time I end up posting these threads more to get it off my chest and not yell at him than for anything else

[allaboutme]

How old is he?

[Flamebat]

3 1/2.

Started walking/climbing at 9 months and has pretty much been like this since

[PacificGuywood]

Flame, is FlameBoy capable of sitting down and concentrating on something he is interested in? Like drawing, a puzzle or even for a meal??
It is so hard to differentiate between "normally" very active children and genuine "hyper"activity, I know.
Is he less of a handful on days that he has been throughly exercised (I make him sound like a puppy, I know, but IME little boys often share a lot of characteristics with puppies )?

What I am trying to say if he can settle down and his behavious is better when thoroughly tired out, an underlying problem is less likely, non?
Disclaimer: am no specialist, just mother to 3 very different boys ...

[Flamebat]

He seems to concentrate well on destruction

He focusses on puzzles if they are small and/or he has someone to talk to/at at the same time (he is very good at puzzles, but does tend to wander off if he isn't being interacted with at the same time). Dinner time is a bit of a nightmare - normally announces needs for wee/doesn't want any more/wants to sit over there etc.

Bedtime the same - the door generally has to be kept shut from the outside if we want him to stay in the room, and eventually he will wear himself out playing and go to sleep. He will get in bed and stay there for my mum though (she doesn't know why either - she does the same as us for consistency).

He is slightly better when he has been out for a good run , but still, it wears him out for a little bit and then he seems to get a second wind.

He often falls asleep mid-afternoon still, which doesn't help with bedtimes, but trying to keep him awake is very very hard as you turn your back for a second and he's out cold on the floor.

We have parents evening coming up for both preschool and nursery, so I think I will have a proper talk to them about what he is like there.

[PacificGuywood]

I think talking to school/nursery is a very good idea. I have one Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde child, angelic at school, potty mouthed defiant ASBO candidate at home, grr! I do find it reassuring that he obviously knows how to behave and is capable of behaving elsewhere.

Also, at 3 1/2, if you have ongoing concerns I do think it would be worthwhile to speak to your GP about your worries and seek referral for specialist assessment, particularly as you have another child on ASD spectrum. It might be worthwhile seeking referral now so assessment could happen before he is school age, and whatever support might be needed could be in place.

@ concentrating well on destruction!
Sounds exhausting, poor you!

[Flamebat]

DD does the jekyll/hyde thing - school tell me about this wonderful girl, but they send home a brat. still, better that than the brat at school.

[allaboutme]

Good idea to talk to school/nursery.
My DS is just 4. I think he has a touch of ADHD and probably AS.
My younger brother has both and I recognise a lot of him in DS.
The times I can really pick out the ADHD side is when we are in a busyish, new place. DS cannot sit still. Literally cant keep his bum on the seat. We were in a cafe not so long ago and they had hanging baskets outside. DS had to touch each one. He couldnt stop himself and couldnt listen to anyone till he had done it.
He is unpredictable and has to go in a pushchair when out in a busy place as he can run off unexpectedly.
He is being assessed for AS currently. Dont think the ADHD will ever get picked up tbh as its very mild if it is there (NOTHING compared to how my brother was at the same age)
Have you a good HV? Mine are excellent and thats how I got DS's first referral, by chatting to my HV about him.

[flyingdolphin]

Reminds me a bit of my dd who was like this, she never had a 'walk' mode as a toddler, in fact, I can't remember her learning to walk, felt like one day she was sitting in her pram, the next day she was running about like a nutter, and after that she was either sleeping or bouncing/running. She was quite destructive, not naughty, just over the top all the time, felt like she never stopped long enough to think. Shampoo would be transformed into bubbles, paper torn into shreds to make snow or just because it she liked the sound and feel of tearing something... she had to touch and mess with everything.

She was fine and adored at nursery, but exhausting at home, I really struggled with her. I took her out every day, usually twice, I would be the only person in the park when it was raining, just to wear her out, and it was not easy as she has a brother who is only 1.5 years younger than her (and the total opposite in terms of personality). If she didn't go out then days were very difficult and bedtimes were impossible.

Pre-school just said that she had 'excessive energy' and 'needs to develop better impulse control', but otherwise they thought she wonderful. Hmm. At school she is not making great progress with literacy, she has trouble with concentration and rushes her work - she doesn't wait to listen to all the instructions, but just starts, and then does it the wrong way, that sort of thing. They say they do not think there is any underlying issue because she can concentrate wonderfully on certain things she enjoys. She is now 6.5 and does gymnastics twice a week, ballet/modern dance once a week, we walk to school (1.5 miles each way), go to the playground most days after school, and she still has loads of energy left over to mess about in the evening.

Your ds is a bit young, but have you tried sports - for us they made an enormous difference. Something like karate could put the destructive instincts to good use!
My dd started gymnastics and dance at 3, and I think it helped her enormously in channeling her energy and calming her down.

I would talk to preschool as well, and see what they say. They could have noticed things too, and could have some ideas.

[flyingdolphin]

ps - I didn't want to sound negative, I wouldn't want my dd any other way! Just wish that I could change the world to fit in with her, rather than constantly feeling that we are struggling to fit in with the world, if that makes any sense!