Suitable punishment or suggestions required for 10 year old DS

[SecondhandRose]

My 10 year old DS is being a complete pain at the moment. We have given him what we call 'electrical bans'' which includes Game Boy/TV and Playstation but we don't seem to have any improvement.

Can anyone suggest anything? I don't want to ban him from Cubs as that's the only time he sees other boys other than his school friends.

He doesn't bring home his school bag or letters he is given. I don't know about school projects or what is expected of him.

He doesn't bring home his dirty kit when asked. It has taken him 3 days to bring home uniform that he didn't wear home on sports day. He doesn't brush his teeth or wash unless he is asked to do it. I have asked him to wash himself in the morning and use deodorant, he is not doing this.

He wouldn't dream of opening his curtains, making his bed or turning off his bedroom light in the mornings. I have to ask him over and over again to do this.

He doens't practice his guitar even though he agreed to practice for 10 minutes each day in return for getting it and having lessons.

He won't go to bed when asked, he messes around for as long as humanly possible or until I scream at him.

He is happy either on the Playstation, watching TV or playing his Game Boy. If he has an electrical ban he talks his sister into some trampoline action where she ends up crying after 10 minutes.

If he's asked to help with jobs around the house, many of which he is paid for he is not interested and sulks. He will basically do anything to get out of helping unless it's on his terms. Like he is angling for this week's Beano.

Sorry to ramble, what can I do?

[aloadoffishyballs]

leave h9im to gte his room really foul imo
dont ccok for him unless he is ready for school or has washed
dont tidy
ignore him


they hate that

[aloadoffishyballs]

oh put the guitar int eh loft
cancle a lesson or two

shw him how much YOU do he takes for granted

[noddyholder]

i have just called dp down to read this as i could have written it literally it is what is going on in our house as we speak Ds is 11 and i have tried everything so don't know what to suggest as I always give in and all my threats are idleI once banned him from the internet for 2 weeks but in truth that was more so i could get on here more

[SecondhandRose]

Have pre-paid the guitar lessons, so can't do that. This is the child that gets everything, he goes to Arsenal home games, has all the latest kit, has the latest Playstation games.

The problem is he does very well at school so he gets rewarded and promises have been made if he wins an award at the end of this month but I just feel we've got a lazy little sod.

[aloadoffishyballs]

well just fdotn take him to the lessons
dont be such a wsuss! toughen up!

[aloadoffishyballs]

you need to go back to basics BIG time lady

[sorrel]

no beano for a month. no pocket money.??? SHR it sounds like you are talking about our DD everything you have said is true of her too.Dh calls it challenging behaviour. It drives me up the walls whatever you call it.
Love descrition of 'electric time'- it is screen time in our house( TV and Pooter)We have limited it to one hour max per day.Over time and because she has to ask me for a passwork to unlock the computer, interest has dwindled. not sure how you solve it , but i will be watching closely..for tips

[2kidsandahubby]

I have started imposing fines on my daughter who is 8 if I have to ask her 3 times then she gets a 20p fine, but she always earns it back. I got fed up asking the same things over and over again so now she usually does it on the 2nd request,it works for us(am I wicked)

[GwynethPaltrow]

why does he get rewarded if he does well at school?

so what if the guitar lessons are paid for . Cancel them. Sorry but he sounds spoilet to me.

[aloadoffishyballs]

i woudl go right back tot he begining
take away all tvs in bedrooms, pooters, trips new things, he goes to school and that it if he is dressed washed and tidy oyu make him a packed lumch 9 or whatever or breakfast) go on srtike come on you can do it

[aloadoffishyballs]

yep agree ( ho annoying ) with gwneth
also look at how he talks to you
woudl YOU talk to someone as he does?

[aloadoffishyballs]

yes coem on! we'll sort you out

[EnidPaltrow]

treat him like a 5 year old until he learns a bit of respect.

[aloadoffishyballs]

oha nd tell shcool oyu are doing htis to have a dual pronged attack
so if he doenst do ohomework ( cos you are NOT to nag him) hell have to take the hassle for it

[noddyholder]

what is he doing that is so bad though my ds is the same he just has better things to think about he is not doing it deliberately One day he will be all grown up and sensible and you will look back wistfully at how he was (runs for cover!)

[SecondhandRose]

He doesn't get pocket money, doesn't have a bedroom TV, he has school dinners.

I can't send him to school with no food in him.

Every year the school gives out an award for each year for 'Academic Achievement' he won it last year and the year before so we have rewarded him for winning.

This is what is so frustrating that he can perform at school but be so bloody lazy at home

[noddyholder]

My dp has asked me to print this out for ds to read he is going to laugh his head off as it is everything I moan about too The ps2 games etc and the good work at school I think it is just his character and you can keep nagging him like I do but don't expect miracles

[aloadoffishyballs]

rose you are giving in
so you feed him desptie the cfact he is so lazy?
one day wont hurt him

[SecondhandRose]

After school routine is to stuff his face with snack, watch TV/Playstation although if the weather is good I make them both play outside. Eat dinner which he normally moans about saying he doesn't like I would say this is 75% of the time. More TV, bath every other night, bed. God what a boring life we lead.

Two nights a week he stays late at school and one night he has Cubs.

[SecondhandRose]

I'd rather he went to bed with no dinner than had no breakfast, I've done that before to both of them, you should have seen their faces. I'm sure they thought they were going to die in the night!

[noddyholder]

I don't think he is particularly lazy he is just a typical boy who wants to suit himself this has made me feel a lot better about ds as I know he isn't the only one The couple of times i have banned things have done no good he still forgets everything I have never had a school letter home and always find out about these things the day before

[Tortington]

noddy you are far too soft!!!

i agree - no guitar lessons or cubs - you must physically remove things from his playing areas - eg ps2,telly, video, cd player from bedroom.

he has to be able to earn them back and he needs to know how to do this.

you need to sit him down and come to an agreement about rules

for instance -
i would expect good manners at all times,
school uniform hung up after school and changed
schoolbag for next day sorted out including PE kit.

i think you need to get a notice board and put it at his height in the kitchen or hallway. buy some funky pins from whsmith and get him to pin up his letters. this could also be where your rules are.

you then do a simple tick or cross and add them up - every week which has more ticks than crosses he gets something back.

i am sure school will totally respect it if you let them know that your son would not be taking lessons for at least 2 weeks due to bad behaviour at home. but as you have paid for the lessons you expect them to keep the place open.

same for the cubs - write a letter - you see the thing about a letter is they can see you write it - your frustration at their behaviour and its equalling reaction takes a physical form - its great.

you either want to discipline your kid or you dont - you cant f8ckabout somewhere in the middle - allowing him guitar lessons and football matches and cubs.

2 weeks later you will have a kid who thinks twice about taking the piss. the thing is you are supposed to be socialising this child into society - and i am sure you dnt want him to grow up to be some obnoxious stockmarketesq f8ckwit who looks down on poor - peole becuse he never was,looks down on women becuse mummy alwys did everything and thinks the world ows him a living.
you job is to mould a nice human being able to integrat into society at any level