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6 yo can't understand the difference among grown-ups, older kids, younger ones

(11 Posts)
joburg Wed 04-Nov-09 10:15:52

is this STILL normal at her age? DD, 6 1/2, still behaves innapropriately towards people of ALL ages, meaning she doesn't seem to be able to really judge by herself who is an adult, a toddler, an older kid, a younger kid. without me pinpointing at the 'status' of each person, she would treat everybody just the same. the most uppseting times are when she treats her father as he would be one of her playmates, despite the fact that we discussed endless timess about respect towards adults. the school has strict rules about politeness, and she seems to follow them as long as they are 'enforced' but can't apply them outside the school. she shouts 'orders' to adults, she gets uppset at 2 years old not being able to behave like 6 year olds, she doesn't seem to understand age differences, at all.... Is this normal? I won't have her talking to me without a please is she wants something, but the next second she souts at the next person in a rude manner ....

it obviously is not like she doesn't want to behave (she can do it to me or the teacher, because we imposed it on her) ... the problem is she can't SEE that a person is a grown up or a baby before she is told so. Why is this????????? What to do????

mrshibbins Wed 04-Nov-09 10:43:06

Do you know, I've just been wondering exactly the same thing about our DD who is now nearly 8 1/2. She talks to grownups as if she is their equal - no MORE than their equal - sometimes embarrassingly so when tries to 'boss' or talks down to adults. I catch her sneering at younger kids when they don't know as much as she does, or can't spell a word or understand something, and generally sees herself as top of the heap. She gives all respect to teachers but just like your DD, will only do the 'respect' thing when it is enforced. She just doesn't seem to understand that grownups are grownups and kids are kids and that she is NOT in charge!!!

Hope the next poster has something more constructive to offer than me!!!

joburg Wed 04-Nov-09 10:51:34

... and the uppseting thing is that when she is told off, she feels like grown ups are unfair to her ) it is so annoying from our point of view, but other than that, my main concern is that children will not tollerate it in the long term. We already started to have problems in the playground where DD can't seem to understand that she is uppseting others. She looses friends at a fast rate and there is nothing i can do

mrshibbins Wed 04-Nov-09 10:58:38

oh joburg ... snap. have had so many talks with her about playing nicely but she has such strops and sulks with the other kids when they don't do exactly what SHE wants them to do.

She can be quite mean to other kids, who then naturally react against her, and then she come home in saying she's been bullied. When i explain to her that nobody will tolerate being talked to like that, neither grownups or children, she thinks I"M being mean to her.

On the flip side she is herself very intolerant of being told what to do or corrected and regularly feels that SHE is the victim instead of the instigator.

I have bought her books on 'how to be a friend' and had loads of actions/consequences talks with her, but I just don't think she can see it...

OH says she's got to learn the 'hard way' but what if she never does??

joburg Wed 04-Nov-09 11:34:09

mrshibbins, just the same over here, with us! as for the 'hard' way', i don't mind that ... i'm not the cuddly mum who can't get her kid get hurt for a good couse ... but after so long time of trying, i'm just afraid that DD won't make it :D and then what?!
Is there anybody out there who could give some good tips .....

mrshibbins Wed 04-Nov-09 11:58:49

is your DD an only child? ours is and it makes me wonder whether having siblings rubs off the edges a bit?

joburg Wed 04-Nov-09 12:10:45

well, DD is the only child, but we still need to catch up with the requirements out there in the big wide world ... i can't just go expalaining that she is a bit spoiled because she doesn't have a sibling, can i .... i don't want to accept this as an excuse, wouldn't help any of us

thekidscoach Wed 04-Nov-09 14:13:33

She really needs to know the difference and this can be done by using books to show her how people develop. Without knowing the difference and accepting that there is one she is treating everyone with different levels of respect. Think you may need to reign in some more control and rules at home so she talks to people the way they speak to her. I work with children your daughters age and am able to help.

mrshibbins Wed 04-Nov-09 16:51:51

oh thekidscoach what books can you guide us to / advice can you offer

anticipating gratefully!

doggiesayswoof Wed 04-Nov-09 17:03:44

hmmm - my DD is quite similar. She is almost too aware of people's ages (she knows her friend is a "big" girl, and that her brother is a baby) but she cannot seem to understand how to modify her behaviour according to the person she is talking to - she seems to be lacking empathy to some degree as well.

The comments about shouting orders and lack of respect and politeness ring true - also not being able to grasp that her brother cannot play with her they way she wants him to, because he's only 18mo...

When she tells me about disagreements in school she is always the wounded party, with no comprehension that she may have been out of order. She is also good at playing the victim when DH or I have to talk to her about something.

It must just be their age, to some extent, surely?

joburg Thu 05-Nov-09 05:10:30

I was also hoping this would be just an age thing, but then, so many of the kids we are playing with seem much more aware of all these things than DD (especially the adult-kid relationship/difference), behaving completely different ... unless we are surrounded by geniouses here ...

thekidscoach, please recommend us some books!

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