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At what age should parents (who am I kidding, mothers) stop getting involved with their childrens' fallouts?

(7 Posts)
fartmeistergeneral Tue 03-Nov-09 15:45:06

My ds is 11 and in a wee 'gang'. They are thick as thieves and all get on very well together. A new member joined in the summer, another boy from their class who happened to be passing one day and found out where my ds lives. All seemed well, 3 became 4 and saw each other every day. Things have been fine til recently, we came back from our October holiday and my ds found out that his friends didn't want to be friends with this boy any more. They say he hits them and they find him annoying. Well, he was still hanging about, my ds was at his house a week ago and all seemed well.

Now, however, he seems to be banished from the gang and they all say they don't want him back. I've tried to get to the bottom of the hitting, but can't work out if it's hitting for fun but unintentionally sore, or hitting through anger.

Anyway, his mum's been on the phone (I was out but have to phone her back tonight) and I know she's phoning because her son is upset that he's not involved any more.

What do you all think? He's a nice lad, but if they don't want him around - it's very difficult/impossible to get 11 year olds to do something they don't want to do. Also, I don't want in any way to force them to be friends with someone against their will.

I do feel for the mum, she's a really nice woman, although I don't know her very well. How should I play it?

fartmeistergeneral Tue 03-Nov-09 15:56:42


mrsjammi Tue 03-Nov-09 16:03:02

Message withdrawn

fartmeistergeneral Tue 03-Nov-09 16:09:16

That's also my opinion, but it's easy for me to say when it's not my son who's been excluded. The thing is, I know that there is ALWAYS two sides to every story, and if my ds came home to say that he'd been given a hard time, my first reaction would be to think 'what did you do?'!!! Anyway, I'd rather keep out of it. There will be many, many fall outs in the years to come!!

fartmeistergeneral Tue 03-Nov-09 17:39:20


OldLadyKnowsNothing Tue 03-Nov-09 17:42:27

Boys fall in and out of friendships all the time at that age and there's bugger-all anyone else can do about it. If she's phoning about it, let her weep/moan/whatever and listen with sympathy if you can, but don't try/offer to intervene. It just won't work.

fartmeistergeneral Tue 03-Nov-09 17:47:01

Am totally reassured! Thanks, my dh also advised just to listen and say I'll speak to him about it, and leave it at that.

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