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Sibling Rivalry/fighting, HELP!

(6 Posts)
KRo Mon 02-Nov-09 16:57:52

Hi, I have a very soon to be 3yr old DS and a 16mth old dd..they are both very strong willed and spend most of the day fighting with each other and it is killing me..dd wants whatever ds has, resulting in ds screaming (so loud I can;t believe he hasn't burst an ear drum), pushing her over etc etc..dd retaliation is to bite him...and so it goes on..
I cannot play anything with ds cos dd just wrecks it so very sadly I have kind of given up. I cannot remember the last time we sat and played anything. Also very sadly my ds just keeps saying 'don't want Gracie' (dd)What worries me is that my ds is SO angry about everything
Both are sleeping badly at the moment so I am consequently so tired and struggling to deal with them. I feel like I spend most of my time shouting at them, which I hate but I am terrible at staying calm
ANY advice?..have tried hv but just get given somethig out of a textbook and my dear children are about as far away from textbook as you could imagine
Thanks so much
KT

peanutbutterkid Mon 02-Nov-09 18:11:04

Sorry no one else has replied.
I'm not much help because mine got along quite well at that age (not now, 8 & 10 yo ).

Could you talk to the DS about choosing what the DD could play with; 16month old should be easy to palm off. So Ds gets 3 trucks to play with, and he chooses a 4th vehicle for the DD to have. Give him as much individual attention as you can, and power to control the interactive situations while still meeting needs of the DD.

linglette Mon 02-Nov-09 19:33:51

Can anyone babysit one or the other for 30 minutes so you get to have some uninterrupted time with each one?

verybusyspider Mon 02-Nov-09 22:04:14

Not sure if I can be of much help but I have 3 ds's, almost 3.5yrs, 23 months and 19wks.
Things have got so much better since we made the house rule that no one has to share, if ds1 is playing with something and ds2 wants it he has to wait till ds1 has finished, sometimes ds1 never finishes with it and takes it to bed with him but thats ok we just try and make it fair.
Do either nap? ds2 and 3 nap at 1pm so I get 1:1 with ds1
do you get out to playgroups so they can get some space from each other?
is the disciplining working? we do time out (naughty step)with ds1 and ds2 goes into his cot for 1 minute - time out doesn't work for him but being 'trapped' and excluded does and ds1 feels like the punishment is fair
hth and hang on in there

Washersaurus Mon 02-Nov-09 22:17:21

We have ongoing similar problems with DS1(4yo) and DS2 (2yo). They wind each other up and fight over things etc etc.

I have very little patience due to sleep deprivation over 2 years courtesy of DS2 and haven't dealt with it brilliantly, but have found setting aside one to one time with each of them helps and also letting one of them play in their room alone sometimes without being bothered by the other.

I like the idea of not forcing sharing, but our problem is usually DS2 just wilfully destroying things that DS1 is playing with for apparently no reason. That starts the fighting....

Finona Sun 08-Nov-09 00:30:35

Was looking to see if there were any posts like this, because I am getting to the end of my tether with my two. DS (5.5 yrs) and DD (3.5 yrs)are fantastic when they're on their own, but the minute they're together WW3 breaks out. The main instigator is her, and I do not know what to do. If either has something the other wants it, they vie (sp?) for my attention which I try to dish out as fairly as possible, they will bite/hit each other. Sanctions work with DS (time out, confiscating toys etc) but I struggle to find anything that works with DD.
Not sure that this will help OP but at least you know you're not alone smile

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