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Highly sensitive 5 year old dd being teased and pick on at school

(5 Posts)
toffeeapple Fri 30-Oct-09 22:25:52

Hi I've recently read the "highly sensitive child" which is a real eye opener.
It's helped me change my behaviour towards my dd (less pushiness, more understanding, more patience, more encouragement etc...) and she is THRIVING on it!! She is almost like a different child, more daring, more sociable etc...
Unfortunately, about 3 days before this half term holiday, a "naughty boy" from her class has been picking on her. To me it sounds like nothing major at all (basically he told the teacher on her about something she didn't do, and the teacher just told the boy to be quiet and that she wasn't being naughty at all), but I guess she must have looked so upset that the little boy now keeps trying to upset her as he sees that he gets a reaction.
The trouble is, she has worried about it for the WHOLE TIME while on holiday, she is still her normal happy self but whenever she thinks about school she says "mummy I don't want to go to school, it's because of X, what if he doesn't stop, and what if the teacher gets fed up with me for telling her about it?".
I keep reassuring her and saying that she has lots of people around her to help, including us her parents, but that I am sure X would have moved on to someone else after the holiday, but she is still worried.
Any advice on how I should deal with this? Anyone out there with a highly sensitive child who could help?
I do intend to speak to the teacher about this if it carries on, but I also think that dd should learn to deal with that sort of thing, as it really isn't that bad.
Of course I don't want to say that to her in case I make her feel ashamed, or in case she thinks I am dismissing her worries.
Any advice? Thanks!!

mummamango Sat 31-Oct-09 03:46:44

I guess you just need to be consistent and patient with your new approach which, as you say, seemed to b working well. Continue with your reassurance that it will be oK. And maybe help her come up with an action plan re: what she can do if he upsets her again - i.e. what she will say to him / who she will tell about this etc - that way she can feel prepared when she goes back to school. It might also be worth talking to her about what she can say to him when he upsets her so that she feels she can handle things herself?

toffeeapple Sat 31-Oct-09 13:39:14

Yes thank you that's really good, HSCs definately need to feel they are well prepared.
I will give her clear advice on how to handle it if it happens again, and I know she will try her best, because she's proved she could do it in the past (not do to with teasing, but to do with making friends, she asked someone if she could play with them as she couldn't find anyone at playtime, and it worked and that person is now a friend of hers).
Thanks again for your reply (not many parents of HSCs around then!!).

mummamango Mon 02-Nov-09 09:15:04

Hi toffeeapple, hope you don't min me saying so but it's probably not a good idea to put down all of her behavior to a label (HSC) in a book. She is an individual and individuals get upset about different things. Just because we might not think something is a big deal, it clearly is to her.

You are probably right and the 'naughty boy' will have forgotten all about it when they next meet. This kind of thing seems like a really big deal to children but is just one of the many experiences they go through as part of their socialisation process.

Was also thinking that it may also be useful to have a discussion with her about the fact that she does not need to be friends with everyone, some people she just needs to learn how to deal with. She is lucky to have you at home to listen to her and make her feel more confident. I'm sure she will get though it

linglette Mon 02-Nov-09 10:56:33

There's a good book called The Unwritten Rules of Friendship that's more practical - suggests things to say to other kids and is honest about things that don't work. It's aimed at 6+ and the premise is that you need to understand the realities of the playground jungle before strategies that work at home can work at school.

I'm glad that HSC helped you to tune in to your daughter more and that's what matters.

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