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7 year old boy. What should I do?

(18 Posts)
whatisnormal Wed 15-Jun-05 19:37:51

He is always smacking other peoples bottoms or pinching them. I was very worried but have noticed that 3 or 4 of the others he plays with at school are like this. Today his sister said that he had touched her bottom. I've told him that the parts of the body that are inside pants and knickers are privates you shouldn't touch others and no one else should touch yours. I asked him if anyone else had touched his and he said wel x x x xand x at school are always smakingthers bottoms it seems to happen when they are playing rough and tumble games too.
I don't want to over do it and make him so worried I scar him emotionally IYSWIM but I'm also scared that he is trying to find out what other peoples 'bits are' any advice gratefully appreciated

Flip Wed 15-Jun-05 19:42:40

it happend with my ds1 and his friends. I told the school because it was slightly more serious than just touching and they weren't concerned unlike myself. But they sat all the children down and not just the ones involved and the school nurse spoke to them about good touches and bad touches. It seems to have done the trick. Maybe you could speak to his teacher.

whatisnormal Wed 15-Jun-05 19:48:02

I think I might flip thanks, was it the same sort of age?

Xena Wed 15-Jun-05 19:58:54

Sorry i'm whatisnormal just posted on another thread using it so I might as well just use my regular name. I shouldn't be embarrassed on here, I just find it a really sensitive subject.

Flip Wed 15-Jun-05 20:15:13

Ds1 was nearly six and they were playing a game of sucking each others willies and touching down each others pants to their bottoms and well you get the idea. Very disturbing or so I thought. The deputy head thought it was great that they wanted to explore each. Don't think I agree but it got sorted very quickly.

Xena Wed 15-Jun-05 20:23:03

I'm shocked by the d/heads reaction. I think that I will talk to the school because otherwise it might get to the point of an incident and then I will regret not doing anything about it. I think that the talk we had tonight got through to him but I obiously can't talk to the other boys and I wouldn't beable to talk to the parents either as I don't know them well.

Flip Wed 15-Jun-05 20:36:25

I didn't know the parents of one of the others boys either but I made it my business to and we had a long chat and went in to school together.

Xena Wed 15-Jun-05 20:39:57

Thanks for the advice. Did the action of the school stop this type of behaviour?

Xena Wed 15-Jun-05 21:43:09

Has anyone else got any advice?

Skribble Wed 15-Jun-05 21:55:31

This "game" will pass soon, if you think he is curious about others bits maybe get some books showing and explaining what we've all got. My DS8 is quite uninterested in others bits nd sees ours and his sisters in the house.

I would speak to the school just even to let them know that you are concerned about this and that you are trying to discourage what is inappropriate and would appreciate this being kept an eye on at school. If they are unhelpful warn them that you will have to speak to the other parents then, they might not like this and discourage it themselves.

Xena Wed 15-Jun-05 22:00:49

Skribble I'm so caught up in dealing with it that I hadn't even thought about getting a book to show him what the diferences are. I remember a little while ago he asked why girls don't have willys on the outside maybe I'll borrow (obv age appropriate) book from the library. Do you think that your DS is not interested because he has 'seen it all' or has he asked questions about girl/boy differences.

Skribble Wed 15-Jun-05 22:11:49

He seems to be quite happy that he knows all about bits, we have had some very detailed conversations espaecially after he started hearing some "new" words at the park. We have discused periods, babies and very basicly how you get pregnant.

He still gets in the shower with me so I can give his hair a good wash before I get out and leave him to it and sees me and his sister getting changed. DH is always in the buff for at least half an hour while he gets his clothes together and puts his lenses in.

I know its a bit Freudian (spelling) but it must seem very strange to kids that boys have willies and girls don't. Freud thought that boys imagined that woman used to have willies but it got cut off. That may not be true but I suppose the differences need explaining.

He has had access to kids biology books from a very young age, so reproduction is covered along with muscles, digestion, bones etc. not singled out and made an issue of.

Xena Wed 15-Jun-05 22:23:40

Thanks great advice, I will try to (via library books) explain the differences, but in a way uncontected to tonights 'talk'.
I just want him to beable to grown up to be a balanced Man i.e. not to much info but not to little, to beable to understand the differences of 'right' and 'wrong' touches and also that he can tell me if something happens to him, as when we were talking to him today he was saying 'but so and so is my friend'.

Xena Wed 15-Jun-05 22:29:19

What i mean by tmi is that I don't think he is ready for the birds and the bees chat yet, and to little by the fact that is I don't tell him anything he will want to find out himself

Xena Wed 15-Jun-05 22:36:21

Oh bl**dy hell I over analyise everything to much I'll have a word with his teacher about it an hopefully that should resolve the situation.

Skribble Wed 15-Jun-05 22:57:39

It doesn't have to be full on birds and bees, I have let him lead the conversations and basicly answered his questions. He has seen my using pads and tampons and wanted to know about that.

He knows about men and ladies but not to much detail about what happens when they get together. He knows what a condom is for mind you and that it will stop a baby happening. I wouldn't get to intense about touching just be clear what is not appropriate and why girls might not like it, and their parents .

Maybe refering to the smacking and pinching as kinds of hitting and that to hurt is wrong even if you are only playing rather than involving sexual undertones if thats not really what its about at school.

Xena Thu 16-Jun-05 07:54:33

TBH I'm not sure what is going on re the school behaviour.
He is always questioning other things I will try not to be t prudish and give him factual answers

Vaunda Tue 09-Aug-05 23:31:33

*Hi Skribble*
I too have a son who like yours has always seen me in the buff, knows about periods etc. and unlike many of his peers he is not interested in touching others bodies apparently some of the boys are very sexually aware but sadly uneducated to the facts.

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