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DD1 is being a handful to say the least and I am at the end of my tether.

(11 Posts)
insertwittynicknameHERE Wed 28-Oct-09 10:04:02

DH is off work ATM (works in education and has school hols off) DD1 (2yo in November) is always a bit more of a handful when he is at home, I think it is because of the change in routine IYSWIM.

This week though she has found new levels. She is generally a good child and is quite easy going most of the time but I think the terrible 2's are upon us.

She has just bitten DD2 (13 weeks) on the hand and left teethmarks (I thought she was kissing her hand). One of DD2's fingers is now slightly swollen and her hand is all red and still has teeth marks in it.

I admit to loosing my head with DD1 and smacking her bottom sad. I am at a loss as to how to deal with her. This is the third time that she has made DD2 cry, not sure how on the first 2 times as I was in the kitchen.

DD1 is being so bloody naughty, I know it is more to do with her age and the fact that DH is off work but I cant cope with her.

Is it normal for nearly 2 year olds not to listen, to do the opposite of what we ask and to generally create hell!

Please help, is it too early to start with the naughty step/spot? How do i deal with her being naughty, I try not to shout and to get down to her level to explain to her why what she has done is naughty but nothing seems to get through to her.

Does it get better?

mummyemily Wed 28-Oct-09 10:45:16

Hi you have my symapthy! My son now just past his 3rd birthday hit two and a half and his behaviour just got to the stage where i could have quite happily locked him in the shed lol! dont feel bad for smacking her bottom i have to admit i have done the same and i think in some cases it is the only way to get through to some toddlers i DO NOT CONDONE smaking but at times it is the last option
A year on and it is getting better but he still has his moments. During this time i had the health visistor out on a number of occassions.
I dont not think that your daughter is too young to start to learn right from wrong i found the "naughty step" a total waste of time personnelly and I sent my son to sit on his bed for however long i thought he needed it the longer he shouted and banged the longer he sat up there for! it has work brilliantly and he now goes up quietly and sits and we have a "talk" and i have no shouting or banging I did try and ignore the small things that he did and concerntrated to the bigger issues.
You are doing great and not shouting at her is a really positive step.

insertwittynicknameHERE Wed 28-Oct-09 10:56:33

Thank you. DD1 is now in bed having a nap.

Dh doesn't help as sometimes he just gets so wound up by the smallest things she does (like whining) which I ignore. I try to pick my battles but it is hard. I'm glad that there should be light at the end of the tunnel. I will try sitting her in her room when she is naughty.

Do you take your DS's toys out of the room before or do you leave them in there?

claw3 Wed 28-Oct-09 11:01:27

Sounds pretty normal for 2 year olds not to listen!

I have 3 boys and if your dd is anything like them, anything longer than a five word explanation turns into 'blah,blah, blah'!

I would keep it short and sweet, with a very stern 'no, that hurts' and remove her from the situation.

cory Wed 28-Oct-09 20:05:56

I had a biter too. It is normal, it will pass- but it's no fun while it's going on. <pours glass of soothing liquid>

Rosebud05 Wed 28-Oct-09 20:49:16

My dd was just over 2 when ds arrived and she definitely upped a gear or two in the 'terrible twos'. He's now 5 months and I've only just started leaving them together whilst I nip up to the loo as she just couldn't keep her hands (and teeth one one occasion) off him. I usually give her the choice of 'helping' me in the kitchen or if she doesn't want to having the baby in with me to minimise opportunity for this sort of thing.
It will get better, but it's bloody stressful in the meantime....

CarrieBo Wed 28-Oct-09 20:57:48

I totally sympathise. The naughty step/time out really does seem to work with my dd - we've done it since she was 1 (now 2 1/2) and it gives us both a break from each other. Sometimes I just say 'go and sit on the bottom step' rather than labelling it naughty. She has her two minutes, I get down to her level and ask her why she is there, get her to say sorry to me and whoever she pushed/snatced from etc, and we have a cuddle and move on. If I see something brewing I might say 'if you snatch that toy from your brother, you will spend 2 mins on the bottom step'. Sometimes she'll brazenly snatch to see if I'm as good as my word, and other times she'll realise its not worth it and move on to something else. Be consistent, be as calm as you can muster, and this too shall pass!!

insertwittynicknameHERE Thu 29-Oct-09 08:39:55

Thank you everyone, she is being a little pain in the proverbial.

Last night she hit DD2 so I picked her up and put her on her small chair (we have decided to use it as a naughty chair) and told her that she mustn't hit and to sit in her chair for a couple of minutes. She sat there saying sorry mummy, sorry DD2. So I think it is good that she recognizes that she is wrong.

I don't think me smacking her bottom was very good way to deal with the biting incident but I was at the end of my tether. No excuse I know.

Does anyone else work in education and have the hols off, if so, do you noticed a marked increase in bad behavior when you/your partner are off?

I think it is the break in routine when DH is home in the hols, but I also think he winds her up as much as she does him IYSWIM.
I try to let the little things slide and pick my battles, whereas DH will keep on at DD1 if she is tantruming, he will keep saying , 'why are you crying again, what is the matter with you now'. I think it winds her up, which winds him up and puts him in a bad mood and I am the one who deals with the fallout.

I love it when DH is home but I also dread it.

CarrieBo Thu 29-Oct-09 10:01:54

Does your DH acknowledge there's a problem? Perhaps it could be worth having a chat about it one evening, and come up with some strategies so you're dealing with your dd's behaviour in a consistent way, and perhaps put aside some daddy/dd time so they can build on positives in their relationship? Sadly my DH doesn't work in education, so we only have 20 days a year of holiday time together

insertwittynicknameHERE Thu 29-Oct-09 10:18:57

CarrieBo, I'm sorry I didn't mean it to sound like I don't like having DH home so much, I do. It's just DD1's behavior gets so bad that I can't wait for him to go back to work sad

DH and I are 99% the same when it comes to parenting and disciplining. It's just that he cannot cope very well with DD when she is tantruming and whining IYSWIM. Whereas I tend to ignore those small bits and deal with the larger issues such as DD1 biting 13 week old DD2. I think as I am at home I am 'used to' DD1's little bad behaviors whereas DH isn't.

We sat and had a chat last night about it and decided that from now on we are going to try our best to keep to a normal routine for DD1 even when DH is home. When DH is working I tend to be out a lot, at the park/library/a friends house/At the grand parents, as DD1 is good as gold when we are out. She is also really tired by the time we get back so she sleeps well. Whereas when DH is home he wants to chill and relax and likes to spend a lot of time in the house.

We have decided to keep to the 'normal' routine as much as we can when he is home to see if that helps DD1.

CarrieBo Sun 01-Nov-09 18:56:32

Glad you've been able to talk about it and come up with a strategy together, that's a great way to approach it. I wasn't suggesting you don't like having your DH at home, but when they don't see the difference their presence (or lack of) makes, it can be hard for them to see there's a problem. I hope the Christmas holidays are much better for you!

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