Constantly crying/whinging DS1(5) is driving me quite mad

[traceybath]

He is always whinging and cries at the drop of a hat.

We were away for 2 days this week at lovely hotel and he really ruined it for everyone (have another ds who is nearly 2 and 13 week old dd).

He is generally lovely but has always been a child of highs and lows.

But now coupled with answering back its really driving me mad.

I try to stay calm, do distraction etc but once he starts whinging/crying he just goes on and on.

It is embarassing (which i know i shouldn't care about) but also I see other children looking at him in bemusement and worry that they'll soon start laughing at him when he has a crying fit.

So how do I encourage him to be a bit braver - I mean tonight we had 2 crying episodes because water got on his face in the bath and when I cut his nails. I honestly thought I'd chopped part of his finger off there was so much fuss.

And how do I reduce the whinging?

[overmydeadbody]

As soo as he wines or whinges say "use a normal voice please" and don't listen to him until he uses a normal voice.

Emphasise "normal" so he knows that wining and whinging are not normal.

[traceybath]

Have done the 'use a normal voice' a lot over the years but it just doesn't make any difference.

He just follows me round and continues whinging. He can seriously whinge hours. Tonight when I asked for a normal voice he replied 'he was too sad to use a normal voice'.

[MatNanPlus]

Tell him when he makes that noise you can;t understand him and as it isn't a 'nice' noise couldhe please go bedroom/garden/??
untill he has found his proper/family voice.

Maybe you and DH/P could show him (role play)what is and isn't on by saying these things to each other?

[onemoretimetoday]

We had this for months and the request to use a normal voice didn't work. In the end I resported to say "I'm sorry I don't understand" everytime he whinged. It worked and he's generally pretty good now but DD has started...........

[traceybath]

Yes, may try the can't understand you route.

Thanks!

So how do I stop all the crying? Or is that just part of him being him?

[MatNanPlus]

it's a part of him i think, don't give it any notice and he may grow out of it.

[PacificWerewolfwoohood]

tracey, DS1 was/is like this, he is now 6 1/2. It has certainly improved with time, but I have now accepted that he is the most dramatic/overreacting child of my 3 boys. He screamed 24/7 as a baby (well, I exaggerate but it certainly seemed like that at the time) and improved with increased physical ability and understanding of the world around him. He is bright and easily frustrated.
My sympathies, I know it is v hard going and v wearing at times. The "I don't understand" route as worked for us too, but I certainly had to use it a lot more often on him than on the other 2.
It will get better. Remember it must be quite hard work for him too, is what I frequently thought. Interestingly, when he was younger in nursery and now in P2 (in Scotland) he has never had a temper/whinging problem...

HTH a bit .

[traceybath]

Thanks.

You're right about it being hard work for him too. I can see how he gets into such an emotional meltdown state and he just doesn't know how to get out of it.

I think DH and I over-worry about this as DH projects his own childhood traumas of being picked on for being a cry-baby onto DS. I do think he has got better at school so perhaps he's just letting it all out at home. And I certainly don't want him to not feel that he can't cry but just not about every little thing that goes wrong.

His reception teacher loved him but said he was a total drama queen which is very true.

Lordy - what will the teenage years be like.

[frumpygrumpy]

tracey, I'm right up there with you love!!!

My DS is 5 and the very same atm. I also have 2 girls, one older and one his twin. I constantly try "use your talking voice please" and/or pop him up in his room until he talks but more often than not he jumps on the floor until the lights down here swing and I scream like a fishwife or shouts "well, I don't care, you just hate me, everyone hates me, you just want me to eat my tea, well I won't eat my tea, hmmmmph, there, see if I care" ad lib ad lib ad lib. Thereafter, when he is calm, he is a total lovebug, he smothers me in kisses, tells me he loves me "more than anything mama" and generally behaves like the love of my life. He is also very good at certain things and so I try to console myself that he has an 'artistic and creative temprament' LOL!!!!

I am trying to not scream like a fishwife. And I'm trying not to blame him for my future liver problem

I have nothing to offer you except my shared frustration at the abhorrent behaviour

[PacificWerewolfwoohood]

Yes, teenage years... He does quite a good Kevin, the teenager, impersonation already.
I also used to walk away from him (in the house) when he had gone into total meltdown, saying "I'll come back when you are feelng better." Strangely that sometimes worked, in that he had time and privacy to calm down, he would then reappear and more often than not apologise and give me a cuddle . He also at times took himself to his room, bang the door, and come back when calmed down.

[traceybath]

Glad in evil way to know I'm not the only one Frumpy .

DH and I were just discussing how we thought it was unlikely he would be an accountant when he grew up as he had spent 2 hours today creating a lego film. Was in full spielberg mode with plot development etc.

Like your DS mine is also terribly affectionate - again in quite a dramatic way - totally adores his new baby sister and is always telling me he loves me.

New day tomorrow - will remain calm and positive with him.

[Oblomov]

I have this. ds - 5.9. such a sweetie. such a pain. little in the middle. whinging and answering back. nothing major, just testing tyring behaviour. all my playground mums say theirs are the same. he just makes our lifes so trying. but when he's good and pleasant, our life couldn't get any better. and we are all so very very happy.
I do understand. i have little advice. take head thta you are not alone - hope that is some consolation.