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Unwritten Rules of Friendship - DIFFERENT DRUMMER. Anyone else got one of these children?

(11 Posts)
Doodlez Fri 23-Oct-09 09:37:00

DS is 8.

He is a Different Drummer according to the book.

The whole section could have been written for and about him!

Have you tried the strategies suggested? Did they work?

Have you any other tips?

DS is in BIG trouble after row on school bus last night. He said something inappropriate to gain attention and be noticed. Yr 6 girl took exception and grabbed his tie. DS kicked her. DD (aged 6) saw her brother 'being hurt' and ran over - she also kicked her. Yr 6 boy saw what was going on and pinned my DD to the wall to calm her down. My DS shouted "Nobody hurts my sister but me!" & lashed out at the boy. Bus driver came along, split them up and reported to the Head who wants to see them all today.

Upshot - my DS's inappropriate attention seeking caused the whole episode. Please help!

Doodlez Fri 23-Oct-09 11:47:43

So, just me then? sad

passmethegin Fri 23-Oct-09 12:02:35

What is 'the book'?

Miggsie Fri 23-Oct-09 12:05:10

Doodlez...this book is mentioned a lot on the "special needs children" threads so the ladies there would be able to advise.

I have heard this book is very good and so I recommended it to a friend with an ASD child and he reported back that it was "really good" and "really worked" but he didn't tell me specifically which bits of advice he followed...

Doodlez Fri 23-Oct-09 12:13:44

Cheers Miggsie. I'll try and post in SN and see what happens.

Pass it's called The Unwritten Rules of Friendship.

frakula Fri 23-Oct-09 12:22:27

It's a great book - really helped my ex-charge, although he only had elements of being a different drummer. I think approaching the problem logically with him was a good way to deal with it but may not work for every child.

gorionine Fri 23-Oct-09 14:50:42

Oh Doodlez! Have you already seen the head?

I was just having a wizz through but am getting late for pick up. Will try to be back later but in the mean time I just wanted to let you know that DS2 was asking when he could see your DS this morning, he seems keen to spend a bit of time with him. Feel free to come by any time we'll let them catch up and discuss "strategies".

Oh and as well, have a look at the "provocative child" it is in the "vulnerable child" section and I think some of the strategies in this one coulD also help.

Will be back soon!

Doodlez Fri 23-Oct-09 16:41:29



Head telephoned just before I went to collect them. He'd spoken to all children concerned. Was impressed that both mine had owned up immediately and apologised immediately. Head seems to think it is well within the remit of the school to deal with it. He's told them all to forget about it now, go on half=term holiday and come back fresh etc etc.

BUT......DS just told me he was deliberately excluded from a group conversation at lunchtime. Load of year 4's told him to go away as he was too young to hear what they were about to say. Younger children than DS were, however, allowed to hear. My DS moved off to one side and when they'd finished, one lad from DS's class asked him if he'd heard any of it. DS said No. And then the bell rang.

He said to me "I'm not stupid. I know they were talking about me" and promptly burst in to tears.

This conversation took place when we got home and school is finished now for holiday. I don't know what to do? Should I flag it to his teacher when they go back or should I let them have 2 weeks holiday, by which time, what ever they discussed will have been forgotten.

Sheesh....this is horrid

gorionine Fri 23-Oct-09 17:28:06

Hi doodlez, I so feel for both of you. Is it the group discussion bit that you want to flag to the teacher? (I suppose both of their teachers are already aware of what happened in the bus?) I think you have to wait and see what happens during the holiday. If DS talks about it several times all the way through the break it probably means it is a good idea to talk to the teacher about it.

Their break will be quite long and I suppose everybody (else) will have forgotten about it by the time they start again so I do not think they will give him anymore hard time on that one.

I think the way the head has delt with it seems to be really appropriate and I do agree that thre incident having taken place in the school bus he is right to consider it as a school matter.

For the little story, when I was 11 and my brother was 7, he was playing with a little plastic gun in te school bus. someone pinched it of him and he started to maake a fuss to get it back. Bus driver stopped the bus, took the gun and confiscated it. now that was a little minibus with two places near the driver and guess where I was sittin?grin? When the driver got back at the front I asked him if I could get DB toy back but he said something like "no, he will never see the thing again!" to which I did not answer anything but... at our stop I just took the gun back saying "I do not think you will actually play with this" and ran away!

Obviously he was not very happy and as soon as he got home my parents got a phone call (small village, everybody knows everybody). I thought my parents would be mortified and I was indeed quite rightly told off but I knew from my mums face that she was secretely pleased I had stood up for my little brother.

You know what? what happend on that bus shows that indeed your 2 care a great deal about each other and that has to count for something! Not the best way to demonstrate it but still ... Never tell them I said that thoughgrin

gorionine Sun 25-Oct-09 09:58:03

Hi Doodlez, just chacking on yougrin.

Hope things are settling. Will be in touch in the next couple of days.

Doodlez Mon 26-Oct-09 18:28:05

Loved the story of the gun and the bus driver grin

DS has been ill since early hours of Saturday morning. Seems to be picking up a bit now though.

We're very glad of this holiday. We're going away on Thursday, so hopefully, some sunny weather and real family time will set us up for next half term.

I've got a spare hour tomorrow afternoon, if you and your lot are up for us visitng?

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