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Son not settling into reception - worried - anyone same experience? advice?

(5 Posts)
RainbowsandDaisies Thu 22-Oct-09 21:59:13

I have a four year old who has started in reception and I am really worried. We were asked to meet with teacher after about three weeks as she thought he was very distracted and going 'into his own world' i.e. not engaging with other children or following instructions / listening / not sitting still during storytime or teacher led activities. Felt bit deflated - Situation has since become worse - he has hit another pupil (which he never does) and seems to be listening and following intsructions less and less at school. I am also a teacher which I think actually makes it harder to take! Think having 30 plus in a class might be throwing him as well as tiredness.
He is doing half days at the end of the week now which seems to help a little but still really unhappy with situation - trying to take privileges away but not making any difference - school has an OFSTED outstanding so assumed he would settle well and don't really know how best to help him or even if this is normal. Wondered if anyone had any advice or similar experiences - Its my first child so getting a bit upset by it all now.

ICantFindAFreeNickName Fri 23-Oct-09 00:52:21

I can't really offer much advice, but there are a couple of things to think about.

What childcare did he have before school,is he used to a nursery environment, as school can be a huge shock to children who have mainly been with parents or child minders.

Does he seem happy to go to school, does he tend to push boundries a lot at home

It's been a long half term, maybe a weeks rest might make a difference to his behaviour. Also as a teacher, you proably know that an OFSTED outstanding, can be pretty meaningless. I would have another meeting with school to see what suggestions they have.

MilaMae Fri 23-Oct-09 11:41:57

To be honest I think this half term for rec kids is the one when a lot of parents are asked to 'have a little word' with the teacher. There are always hoards of threads started around this time.

4 year olds are only 4,used to a far freer life and knackered. Teachers need to establish boundaries so like to nip things in the bud and 6 months down the line a lot of problems are gone as children settle in and learn what is expected of them.

My twin boys were in rec last year and I was called in as one kept yawning and lounging across tables. This year Dd (one of life's more eccentric characters) has been silly on the carpet at times,last week it was over exuberant play she was chasing her peers round the outdoor area with the plastic play tools trying to put them in a piegrin. I know not listening is a common problem and I think boys struggle a lot this term as naturally they'd rather be outside. I think teachers have a duty to inform parents otherwise you'd get to parents evening and say errr why wasn't I told earlier?

Our school is outstanding and I'm an ex teacher-rec,Ks1 too so I I understand your worries,it's really hard to stand back. Can you keep praising him and ask the teacher to let you know immediately when he's done something good. My twin boys have just gone up into y1 and 1 has been distracted by his mates at times so I've said he can have a v small bit of Starwars lego when he gets 10 stars. Every day I say 'be good' before school and check with the teacher to see that he has been listening well. It's really helped.

I'd try not to worry but try to support him too. 6 months down the line this could all be ancient history. Also if he's a young rec child everything is going to be a lot harder to get used to. You may wish to point this out to the teacher. Also I know it sounds daft but v early nights,loads of TV/chill out time after school and a massive breakfast does help during these early days. The half term break will help too all 3 of mine are knackered.

RainbowsandDaisies Fri 23-Oct-09 16:24:44

Thanks for these comments. He has been to nursery and is generally not too much trouble at home - bit of a live wire - but eager to please. Though behaviour has slipped a little since starting school and he doesn't seem as happy.
It's nice to hear a reception teacher's perspective - glad to hear he is not alone in the 'not listening' and that a few struggle to settle at first. Was beginning to feel that he was alone in this - teacher doesn't seem to want to give anything away as to whether other children struggle too and other parents have to be called in too. Though as a parent is really useful to get this into perspective.

I am going to try a praise system out that can work between home and school - will come up with one over half term. He attends the school's 'care club' three days a week which makes his days even longer and harder so I am sure tiredness is a huge factor. Also he is a huge lad for his age and I am not sure he is getting as much food there as he is used to!

Isuppose its a system of trial and error for a while!
Thanks again it makes a real difference!

asmeahamg Tue 03-Nov-09 18:38:12

I've joined this discussion a little late - have you noticed an improvement after the half term?

I too have experienced the same problems with my soon to be 5 year old girl.

She is normally very good for me at home, does as she's told when asked, but we are fairly strict, in that we don't just sit back and let her walk over us.

She started last year in Reception class, and a couple of weeks before half term I was asked to speak to the teacher once everyone had gone. She let me know that my little girl was not listening to instructions, and would wander off during 'carpet time'. There had also been some incidents in the toilet, with making a mess with water and toilet roll, with other children being involved.

This too, came as a complete shock to me - I thought everything was going really well. I'd been telling her how proud I was of how she was doing at school!

Before half term, when I received a daily thumbs down I sent her to bed explaining why I was doing this.

After half term, the first day was good, but today I'm told today that there had been another incident in the toilet with another couple of children. My girl tells me that they almost went to the Head. (She normally doesn't tell me much).

My sister is a reception school teacher, and believes that this is surprising that I'm being involved, as these 'incidents' and 'lack of listening' are the responsibility of the teacher to sort out. There are ways to engage 'wanderers'.... and surely the 'toilet incidents should be monitored more - are they allowed to wander around and loiter in toilets?

Anyway... thanks for the advice that I have been reading below. I'm glad I'm not alone in this. I will chill out a little as there is very little I can do!

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