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tell me about your 4.5 yr ol boy please

(7 Posts)
thisisyesterday Thu 22-Oct-09 17:50:56

we're having a few issues with ds1. things i thought were just phases seem to be going on forever. things that i feel he ought to be understanding and doing socially seem to be lacking
it culminated this afternoon in me being given a bit of a talk to by his teacher see www.mumsnet.com/Talk/primary/847757-how-to-get-a-reticent-child-to-talk-worried-about for full story on his behaviour at school

i just can't tell whether his behaviour is normal 4.5 yr old stuff or whether there is something more to it.

one thing for example is that he just can't seem to understand that if he is doing something that is upsetting/hurting another person then he ought to stop.
he will shove a toy in my face, and i'll be telling him to stop and he will not until he is physically removed.
we had a friend to play and he was chasing her. she didn't want to be chased and was crying but he wouldn't stop. she ended up really quite hysterically crying and i had to actually drag him away from her.

it isn't that he can't empathise, because he is actually very sensitive and cries at things on the tv, or things he hears about a lot (ie, when shrek blows a frog up like a balloon and lets it go he cries because the frog will float away and never get back to his mummy)

he constantly does things he isn't allowed to. i think at his age he ought to understand by now that he isn't allowed to jump on the sofa (he has never, ever been allowed to do this), or that it isn't ok to throw a show in his brother's face.

thisisyesterday Thu 22-Oct-09 18:26:04

bump

thisisyesterday Thu 22-Oct-09 19:17:23

oh please? someone must have a child the same age i can compare with??

linglette Thu 22-Oct-09 19:26:20

you'll get more luck on the special needs board I think smile.

It's not scary there - lots of people just dipping in and out.

ki28 Sat 24-Oct-09 13:08:30

Hi, not sure how much help my point of view will be,but here goes. Just read through your post and can see simularties between our boys. To me,my ds is a cheeky,yet shy and anxious(???) cheeky little sod,who is very stubborn and set in his ways.(my fault)

And it just took a while longer to settle into things/anything. Which i have found can be common with boys.

My ds 4 and half. started pre-school at his local and within a term the nursery nurse had diagnosed him with asd,being mildly on the autisic specrum. He wasnt even 4.

They had there worries reguarding social skills,eye contact and his speech(pronouncing phonics). Like your ds he would chase people and shove things in their faces and just didnt understand why this was wrong.
He preffered to play alone and silly things would scare him again like your ds.

He would get angrey over silly things and practicaly growl and shout,hit and smack. He was also very anxioius. I mjust admit that we only ever agreed with the school on the facts that he liked to play alone and that he was anxious. We had had answers to their worries on all of the other symptons aswell as the ones we agreed with.

speech- his hearing is not up to standard in one ear.

Social skills-was a only child untill 8 months ago,was fine at nursery and with people he knew out of school.

anger and growling- i have to admit mainly my fault as he was extremly spoilt and i was very laid back and never said NO. And he hadnt learnt these skills yet,there is no age limit to wen they should be learnt by,just a 'average child' timing.

boundries with other children- He only soacilised with the same children untill school and once again was a only child living in our adult world.

So as you can see there is answers to it all if you are honest and open,we felt bombared by the school,with there opinions.

A a year down the line we are nearly finished with the whole asd assesment and guess what???? He is fine as normal (hate that word) as the next kid. Plays happly with people he wants to play and is much better behaved due to me learning new tatics and listening to him and being more firm.
So i had to admit that he was a 'naughty??'child,but down to me partly.

Like i say dont know how much this will help, but my god he is still only nearly 5(next march)he still thinks he knows it all,but he is one of the most happly fun loving little boys around.
As stressful as the whole thing was with school,it helped us a family,to understand a boys needs. And in the middle of it all it made me realise that it was us that needed to change rather then him.
And he still only so young. I crnt stress that point enough. Take any help/advice the school offer it can only help him.

I go on holiday on monday but will regauly check on here before i go if you want a chat.

carocaro Sat 24-Oct-09 13:28:30

If this helps, DS1 is 7 and still jumps on the sofa despite being told not too, he knows he shouldn't be he does - I think it's normal.

Have you looked into developmental cooardination disorder, dyspraixa maybe? Theere is a huge spectrum for both and he could have just a few mild things that can be worked on.

I think the a lot of the things you say are just normal, have DS2 aged 2.5 also.

Try not to worry, DS1 has really grown into himself in the last 2 years, I was really worried about him, but many things have just naturally clicked for him during the past 2 years eg: riding a bike, listening better etc etc.

Danthe4th Sat 24-Oct-09 14:41:50

Most of the behaviour sounds quite normal, but does he do it all the time or does he behave as you would want most or some of the time.
My 4.6 ds behaves very well most of the time, but he can still get caught jumping on the sofa when he knows he's not allowed, he can bash his brother accidently on purpose with a lightsaber, he can be jealous of a 3 year old mindee I have and say things like ' you can't play with that'.
He can get very cross for not getting his own way, I put it down to the testosterone surge that they have at this age.
I think you need to look at the broader picture, he is still very young.
Is there something specific he does that is really bothering you.
How old is his brother,my boys are 7.6 and 4.6 and the little one always wants to do what his brother can do, he can't always manage it so will do something else just to get the attention.The older boy is the one who displayed really odd behaviour at this age but he seems to be much better these days and thankfully is growing up.
Glad to chat anytime

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