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Am I right/wrong to drop my 3.5yr old's afternoon nap?

(21 Posts)
stellamel Wed 21-Oct-09 13:28:33

My dd goes to childminder 3 days a week and 1 day with my mum. The rest of the time she is with me. Now when she's with me or Mum she doesn't get an afternoon nap, unless she nods off in the car for 10mins when we're out and about. However at the childminder's she gets on the settee for a 30min sleep at around 2.30pm.

I have noticed that on the days she's at the CM I have a battle on my hands to get her to sleep at bedtime, she's often awake until 8.30-8.45pm which is imo way too late for a 3 1/2 yr old.

I have asked the CM to drop the nap, and she is okay with this. But am I being cruel to my dd - who is crying at the CM's now because she can't have a sleep? (I rang to ask CM how dd had taken it and could hear her crying! sad).

I despair being a parent sometimes, I feel like I am always cocking things up!

Should I re-instate the sleep, or am I right to drop it? Please be honest.

LoveMyGirls Wed 21-Oct-09 13:32:00

Could you try bringing the nap at cm's house forward so she naps earlier?

StealthPolarBear Wed 21-Oct-09 13:32:15

no, definitely drop it! We have issues with nursery, when DS is there he has about an hour in the afternoon which seems fine but when he's with us he has about 10 / 20 mins in the car usually, nothing at all if we're not going anywhere.
Sometimes nursery let him sleep for up to 2 hours angry and then we have a bedtime battle on our hands - he can be awake until 11!
Not sure how to do it though, but it's obviously possible if she doesn't sleep with you!

thatsnotmymonster Wed 21-Oct-09 13:33:33

That's a difficult one! If she still really wants to nap at CM maybe she should- any chnace she could nap earlier, straight after lunch maybe about 12.30pm for half an hour? Then she may be tired again by bedtime.

I 'officially' dropped my 2 older dc's nap before the summer- they were 4.2 and 2.10- but dd1 still often naps on the sofa and in car. She is sleeping as I type- she is 3.3.

Seededbiatch Wed 21-Oct-09 13:36:12

I think you're probably right to drop it. If she does OK, not crying through tiredness, on the days she is with you and your Mum then it sounds like she sleeps at the CMs through habit rather than through actually being really tired and needing a nap.

I think it's just a case of her adjusting to a new routine at the CMs. It would help if the CM did something really fun at the time when nap time used to be to take her mind off it. It hopefully won't take more than a few days for her to adjust.

wheresmypaddle Wed 21-Oct-09 13:37:15

Could the childminder use all her best childminder ploys to distract and cheer up your DS at her usual nap time until she adjusts to the change. Then maybe she won't feel like she has missed her nap so much and might gain some energy from the distraction.

Maybe a favourite toy, something she likes to eat, a fun game or activity....... I realise it may disrupt the CM's usual routine but could only be for a few sessions until she sdjusts to the change.

stellamel Wed 21-Oct-09 13:38:40

DD is at pre-school until 12. CM picks her up and she has lunch at 1pm. Suppose she could go down straight after that?

Oh god what to do, should I ring CM back and let her have nap?

stellamel Wed 21-Oct-09 13:39:41

She is crying and saying she's tired

Kewcumber Wed 21-Oct-09 13:41:21

I could have written your OP!

I think DS naps at his childminer (he is nearly 4) because he is less engaged and stimulated (nothing aginast my CM as she's lovely but he is beginning to outgrow her.

I'd love to know the right thing to do. I suspect if you stop the nap at CM's she will get used to it quite quickly.

jobhuntersrus Wed 21-Oct-09 13:42:00

It's a tricky one. My ds is 3 and on the whole doesn't have a nap anymore but sometimes he is just tired and even asks for a sleep. On those days he is then less tired at bedtime and I then put him to bed a bit later. So I am being flexible at the moment.

Maybe it is the quiet snuggle on the sofa she is upset at loosing? Maybe suggest to cm she is allowed to snuggle up on the sofa for a quiet time, stories, dvd etc but not actually go to sleep?

Seededbiatch Wed 21-Oct-09 13:42:41

They need to go out to the park and then the promise of a biscuit and cbeebies when they get home.

stellamel Wed 21-Oct-09 13:55:27

Seeded - that's what happens at home, it's all park and stuff outside. But CM very rarely takes dd and other toddler out, they do stuff in the house most days.

Have snapped and rang CM but she is adamant she will try today and see how dd copes.

wahhhh so hard to get things right!

Seededbiatch Wed 21-Oct-09 14:04:47

"A mother's place is in the wrong"


Don't worry, she will adjust and probably quicker than you think. She obviously is perfectly capable of going without a nap because she does on the days she is with you. She just has to get used to something new and may show her displeasure for a little while.

stellamel Wed 21-Oct-09 14:12:58

Thanks seeded smile

bigchris Wed 21-Oct-09 14:17:13

does she have to go on the school run? my 3.1 dd never naps now except myabe once a fortnight on pm school run
i cant stop her doing it, it is a pita cos i have to wake her when we get home and she gets so grumpy

stellamel Wed 21-Oct-09 14:26:49

hi bigchris, dd is the one at pre-school, it's a 10min drive from CMs so not far enough for her to nod off.

Trialanderrorparenting Wed 21-Oct-09 14:36:32

Im having the same issue. DS is 3 in december. He never wants to sleep at home but if he does sleepsr eally deeply, have to wake him at 3.30/4 and then too late to go anywhere to wear him out and then he wont' go to bed!! Also at n he naps for a couple of hours and then won't go to bed. But hes had many days without a sleep.

I reckon you are in the transitional stage of dropping the nap and some days easier than others.

I was going with the flow until about a week ago when DS was napping at lunch, wouldn't go to bed until 8 at night and then waking at about 5 every morning!! So I have dropped the nap and hes managing. Just gets a bit tired round the 12/12.30 stage so I will bung on the tele or try and take him for a walk to distract and he seems to get over it quite quickly.

Hang on in therek it is a stage and transition prob will only take a couple of weeks before she doesnt worry about not having a napx

Pinkjenny Wed 21-Oct-09 14:39:03

I have the same issue. Thankfully, dd only goes to nursery two days a week, but on those days she naps for an hour, and bedtime is a nightmare. Usually around 9.30pm - 10.00pm.

I asked nursery to drop it, but they more or less ignored me! And I was worried that she'd be upset at having her nursery routine disrupted, so I didn't push it. Completely sympathise though, the following morning when we still have to get up at 7am, she is literally crying to be left in bed.

Total Catch 22.

pranma Wed 21-Oct-09 15:39:28

I look after dgs 2 afternoons after preschool every other week-his mum does the alternate weeks.When I have him he always wants to sleep on the sofa,'I'm tired,I'm tired' but he only does this with me.If he sleeps its about an hour and I know that dd struggles with bedtime afterwaards.The problem is that I am slightly disabled and cant run about with him.What should I do?I suppose we could go to the park or I could take him somewhere in the afternoon but I feel sorry for him that if he is sleepy it is unkind to make him stay awake.My dd[his mum]has asked me not to let him sleep.He is 3.1.

stellamel Wed 21-Oct-09 18:18:54

Well back home now, and dd didn't have a sleep. CM got the paints out and they did some pictures, and although she looks tired she seems in good spirits, still full of beans. So hopefully bedtime will be normal and she'll be asleep before 8pm.

Pranma, how about trying to cut down the sleep to 1/2hr and see if that makes a difference - we did that at first, I got the CM to cut dd's afternoon sleep, which helped initially.

You are a fab gp to look after gc anyway, so don't worry too much, do what is easiest for you. If mum let dd sleep I wouldn't mind cos I know how tiring little ones can be.

stellamel Wed 21-Oct-09 20:37:53

Well it worked a treat, she was asleep in 5 mins, at 7.35pm smile happy mummy! all that remains to be seen is what time she wakes up!

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