DS (nearly 5) started using violent language at home

[maniacbug]

My DS (nearly 5) seems to have settled in well at school, but one thing we have noticed recently is that he has started to use lots of language related to guns, bombs, killing, jet-fighters, etc. when playing at home. He's always been quite bright and articulate but physically very cautious, so at nursery he seemed to develop more friendships with girls than boys (many of whom were always wielding pretend guns and having fights - DS used to watch them but never seemed to want to join in). Now he's at school I know it's inevitable that he'll be exposed to testosterone-fuelled play, and I know that this does seem to be a normal thing for this age group, but hearing him use such violent words/scenarios at home is upsetting both DH and myself and we're particularly bothered that his little sister (nearly 3) is copying. I know he needs to find his own way socially and work out which of his classmates he's most comfortable with, and I certainly wouldn't dream of interfering with his development of friendships at this stage or stopping him playing with the ones he's picking this up from (names have been mentioned in connection with it all - one of whom apparently told him that he was going to set him on fire?!), but how do we try and get the message across that we don't want to hear that kind of language in our house?! DH came down on him quite hard about it last night and he just looked really confused. Should we just lighten up and let it go? Any advice gratefully received!

[Pitchounette]

Message withdrawn

[maniacbug]

Mmm, I suppose I do know that it's sort of inevitable... but it's just that he was using one of his toys to 'bomb' his sisters' toys and talking about killing her and all her stuffed animals, etc. (though not actually hurting her or wanting to at all - she was laughing and doing it back to him, which was probably the bit that horrified me the most). I guess I'm just a bit sad that we're at the threshold of a less 'innocent' age... I LIKE the fact that he hasn't yet got too caught up in gender differences + often chooses the pink cup and draws flowers and rainbows. But, oh well, guess I just need to remind myself that we live in the real world after all!

[reikizen]

dd1 brought all sorts of violent language home from reception (had been at nursery for years with no evidence of same). It has settled down now and we just took each incident individually saying 'we don't say things like that' 'that isn't polite/nice' whatever. Boys, I suspect, are worse!

[cory]

I don't think you have to listen to it if you don't like it. In fact, I did clamp down on that sort of thing, because it makes me uncomfortable. Hasn't done dcs any harm that I can see.

Another one that I am quite strict on is disrespect of other people's religious views. I'm the only Christian in the family and have quite a few Christian friends, so while I do not force my religion on them, I have made it perfectly clear that I expect them not to use language that I would find offensive in my presence: also that they must consider the sensibilities of other people when they talk about religion.

[AMumInScotland]

You don't have to put up with any behaviour you find unacceptable - so if you say repeatedly "no, we don't do X in this house", he should be able to learnt that.

However, you also have to understand that even the most sweet-natured boy of this age will go through a stage of being fascinated by big powerful loud things, some of which will be things which kill people (guns, bombs, tanks, military aircraft, etc), and that it is extremely unlikely that it will last, or cause them to become violent in real life.

[busybutterfly]

Absolutely agree with Pitch - we don't allow the word stupid either. We have 2 DS and they do fight with guns/swords etc (thanks DGP's) and there's lots of talk of killing/injuring etc etc. Quite normal I think. I hope.