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Nearly lost it with dd1 (3.5). Anyone have some kind words for me or am I just the crap, useless parent I think I might be.

(54 Posts)
suiledonne Wed 21-Oct-09 10:30:31

DD1 has asthma and eczema. For a long time the eczema was quite bad on her legs and put her off wearing trousers, leggings or tights. It flared up at the start of the summer in June since it was warm I gave up on trousers and got her some nice skirts and dresses.

Now the weather is a lot colder I just cannot get her to put trousers on. Her asthma is awful lately, triggered by colds and she has been in hospital 3 times recently.

I am really trying to keep her dressed. She fights me at every turn. All I hear all day from DH, MIL, my mother, my sister is

'It's too cold. SHe has to be dressed. She'd get ill again. Just dress her'. on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on

And I can't take it anymore. She was ok for the last 2 days but will not put any trousers on today. I have tried and tried and she has fought me til I lost my temper and put her in the travel cot. I want to smack her but I know it won't help. I am fighting the instinct.

What will I do? I am in tears and dd2 is upset with all the carry on.


MamaG Wed 21-Oct-09 10:33:33

how old is she?

shellki Wed 21-Oct-09 10:34:37

This sounds tough. If you let her go out without anything on her legs and let her feel cold she might then realise that trousers are the way forward? Another idea, bring her to the shops and let her chose a pair of trousers for the colder weather that she would like to wear. Good luck!

suiledonne Wed 21-Oct-09 10:34:40

Almost 3 and a half.

Jujubean77 Wed 21-Oct-09 10:35:07

oh you poor thing. DD has eczema so I know how you feel. Can you use bribery? I know it may not be for everyone but I say if you do this you can get X / do X with me etc..

suiledonne Wed 21-Oct-09 10:36:03

Thanks Shellki but her health is too precarious at the moment to go out bare legged. The cold doesn't seem to bother her at all.

She has chosen clothes before but she won't even wear them.

Scootergrrrl Wed 21-Oct-09 10:36:38

Can you have a deal where she can have bare legs in the house but MUST put something on to go outside?
And tell your helpful advisors that they're welcome to try and reason with her/listen to the screaming if they're so clever grin

suiledonne Wed 21-Oct-09 10:37:42

I've tried bribery. It doesn't work - sticker charts don't work. Shouting and screaming like a harpie doesn't work. Underdstanding and empathising doesn't work.It's me. I don't work.

BonsoirAnna Wed 21-Oct-09 10:38:31

Can you buy her some very soft clothes? My nephew has eczema and anything but the softest clothes bothers him. My sister cuts all the labels out of his clothes too.

Scootergrrrl Wed 21-Oct-09 10:40:32

Don't be so unkind to yourself. Three-year-olds can be bloody-minded little so and sos. I'd happily sell mine some days. Is she your only child? Is staying in unless she puts on clothes a possibility?

suiledonne Wed 21-Oct-09 10:40:37

Bought everything I can think of. SHe hates jeans so no jeans. I can live with that - smae with the tights. She has skin problems so ok.

But light cotton comfy pull ons from Jojo Maman Bebe that she chose herself no reason why she can't wear them.

The house is not very warm. Hard floors. She looks cold.

She is cold.

MadameDuBain Wed 21-Oct-09 10:41:02

I can't help with the clothing issue as haven't had this, but I do know what it's like to be so at the end of your tether with a child that age. (And to have an itch to smack them, though I am so against it and never admitted that even to DP) You have held it together so far, be proud of yourself. I have walked away from DS, thrown myself on my bed and screamed into a pillow before. I also phoned parentline plus one time and they were wonderful - just allowed me to step away from it and both DS an I calmed down. here

Also, my DS had terrible, terrible strops and non-co-operativeness at 3.5-4ish, but now he's over 4 and so much better and easier (fingers crossed). It will pass.

Scootergrrrl Wed 21-Oct-09 10:41:16

Blanket on the sofa?

suiledonne Wed 21-Oct-09 10:42:11

I dread the door bell ringing. MIL again. Tut tutting.

DH comes home. First thing he does is check if she is fully dressed - she never is.

MamaG Wed 21-Oct-09 10:47:40

Ignore MIL - don't let the old bat in!

Tell DH that if he wants to try, then please feel free! Can you warm the house up? Warm rugs on teh floor? What about knee length socks with skirts?

Scootergrrrl Wed 21-Oct-09 10:48:57

Let your MIL have a go at reasoning with your daughter - the last thing you need when you're struggling with something is people having a go at you.

loupiots Wed 21-Oct-09 10:50:03

Oh dear, that sounds very trying and difficult.

What exactly are you worried about? Is it her catching a cold because of being cold?

Because cold or chilled doesn't actually lead to catching a cold, so you could take the heat (sorry) out of the situation.

My ds won't wear a coat - I say fine and just take it with us, and he puts it on when he does gets cold. She might do the same?

suiledonne Wed 21-Oct-09 11:10:57

MIL has tried and failed. Doesn't stop her though. I'm her mother I should be able to handle it.

loupilot That's it exactly. Never used to worry but my sister (a sciencey, PHd qualified person) said she saw research that said if your body was working too hard to keep warm it made you more vulnerable to colds etc. so now I am worried she keeps gettig sick because of the cold.

Can't afford rugs etc at the moment. We put the heating on morning and night but can't justify the cost of having it on all day just cos she won't get dressed like a normal person.

colditz Wed 21-Oct-09 11:13:49

Put dungarees on her.

Refuse to 'go to the park' until she has trousers on, as in "Well, IF you had trousers on, we would go to the park." - then sit and keep asking her if she wants to go to the park - "Put your trousers on then"

She does have to be dressed, everyone is right. You can'ty stay in the house all day. I'd just keep putting them on her until wshe gets tired of taking them off. This might take a few days.

colditz Wed 21-Oct-09 11:15:49

TBH I woulldn't be trying to persuade her, I'd hold her down. It's the only was ds2 will put his pyjamas on.

suiledonne Wed 21-Oct-09 11:21:24

colditz This is where I struggle. I am a very gentle person by nature and would not be inclined to be so physical with her as to hold her down but I think that is what it would take.

How much strength is it acceptable to use with a 3 year old though?

Jujubean77 Wed 21-Oct-09 11:21:41

colditz speaks sense

Weegle Wed 21-Oct-09 11:32:30

Could it be that she is actually considerably more comfortable being cold (her skin that is)? I wonder because my nephew who also has very very bad eczema and asthma is much worse when he's hot. Therefore they literally keep their house like a fridge (I have to pile on layers) but means DN's eczema is better. Would also explain a bit about why it flared going in to the summer. That won't get her putting the clothes on though, but might explain why she is so reluctant. I also have a 3.5 yr old and bloody stubborn little mite he is too, so you really have my sympathy but I have to admit I'm of the do it my way or we don't do X when it comes to important things.

emkana Wed 21-Oct-09 11:32:45

absolutely agree with colditz

perfectly acceptable to physically hold her down and make her put them on, it's in her best interest

loupiots Wed 21-Oct-09 11:35:19

Well, that sounds an intriguing theory but in reality, you get a cold because you're exposed to the cold virus. Nothing more, nothing less. Nothing to do with weather, the cold, the heat, or anything ele for that matter.

It sounds as though it has become a power struggle between the two of you. Three year olds can be soooo stubborn - mine certainly is. I'd let her get on with on it, because the more she sees it winds you up, the less likely she is to capitulate. But I know that if you're worried about her health, it's difficult....

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