Advanced search

2.5 ds won't say sorry, when should I let it go?

(16 Posts)
NigellaTufnel Mon 19-Oct-09 18:43:04

DS hit me on the head this pm with a very small toy. He was a bit excited, but knows that kind of thing is not really on.

I was calm and nice but asked him to say sorry. He refused, which I am really surprised about - usually he will just say anything back.

Now he wants cuddles. I have given him some, but said he can have extra cuddles when he says sorry.

When should I jusr let it go?

I don't want to make it into a big thing, shall I just chalk this one down to experience, but be watchful of him doing this again?

In my defence, I'm 37 weeks pregnant and knackered, so don't really think I'm very with itn today.

Tee2072 Mon 19-Oct-09 18:44:45

Let it go now. He's 2.5, just a baby. He's already forgotten why you are withholding cuddles and what you want him to apologize for.

Personally I would have let it go 5 minutes after it happened. And will never withhold cuddles.

NigellaTufnel Mon 19-Oct-09 18:52:13

I am with holding all love until he has said sorry. And food.

PoisonToadstool Mon 19-Oct-09 18:53:00


PoisonToadstool Mon 19-Oct-09 18:53:47

If you are withholding all love and food until he has said sorry (completely cruel, by the way) then why the fuck did you bother posting?

waitingforbedtime Mon 19-Oct-09 18:55:16

No offence but is this for real? he's 2.5 years old, he has no clue what you're going on about now.

waitingforbedtime Mon 19-Oct-09 18:55:56

Oh just read you're witholding all food and love until he says sorry - no way is this for real.

ruddynorah Mon 19-Oct-09 18:56:22

if you don't want to make it a big deal then just leave it. fgs. are you seriously witholding food?

NigellaTufnel Mon 19-Oct-09 19:03:55

To clarify - I did not withhold cuddles, just said that he could have extra cuddles if he said sorry.

My flippant remark about withholding food was an ill judged response to a reasonable comment about never withholding cuddles.

Do you honestly think that any mother would withhold all love and food from a 2.5 year old?

The crux of this is really, when a toddler is exploring his boundaries, when do you just say, 'Oh OK then, I've asked you to do something, you have refused. Let's just leave it.'

Let;s face it - if you are v.v. pregnant, and your dc has been playing up all day, are you honestly trying to tell me that you never feel guilty about feeling a bit pissed off that he has just whacked you on the head with a JCB?

PoisonToadstool Mon 19-Oct-09 19:08:47

That's better, and yes I get pissed off when DS - not even 2 till the weekend - hits me with things, I even get annoyed when it's an accident! I am irritable, I hate more than anything having my feet hit, trodden on, ran over, etc etc.

But I wouldn't say no more cuddles, I don't know, I just wouldn't. I think 2.5 is still so young. Can you have an early night so you are a bit less tired, or a long soak in the bath, whatever makes you feel better really...

Bessie123 Mon 19-Oct-09 19:11:56

Nigella - you made me laugh, anyway.

Not that I'm an expert or anything but I reckon you have to pick your battles. And I don't think this is one it's worth pushing. If your ds usually knows he shouldn't hit there is probably no need to keep trying to make him say sorry - I shouldn't think he can remember what he is supposed to be saying sorry for now anyway. Go on, give him some dinner.

alarkaspree Mon 19-Oct-09 19:12:38

I always always regret it when I try to insist on my 3 year old saying sorry. He becomes more and more stubborn, and then cries, and then I get annoyed and start telling him he can't play with dd and her friend until he apologises and it's all horrible.

I think just say 'ouch that hurt me, please be more careful. It's nice to say sorry when you hurt someone.' Then he might say sorry, if he doesn't, let it go. But you haven't tried to impose any conditions so you don't have to back down.

NigellaTufnel Mon 19-Oct-09 19:30:42

Good plan alarka

piscesmoon Mon 19-Oct-09 19:31:45

He is a baby-I expect he has already forgotten. Always try and avoid backing yourself into a corner.

sixfoldwaitingtime Mon 19-Oct-09 19:40:38

But when you have backed yourself into a corner, it is hard to know where to go, so you have my sympathies. I speak as someone who once spent 90+ minutes in a beach tent with a child (also approx 2.5) who was refusing to say sorry for a similar sort of offence. There was, quite literally, nowhere to go...

What I've found since then is that Dd won't say sorry if you ask her to say sorry, but indirect approaches (what do you say now?) work better. And in times of stress, the soft toys are also more likely to apologise than DD herself.

I'm so looking forward to adolescence...

NigellaTufnel Mon 19-Oct-09 20:03:48

And thanks for that as well sixfold, think the indirect approach is a good one to go for. Although he is more likely to say 'chocolate' than 'sorry'

And for those concerned DS had pasta for tea. With happy chicken.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now