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someone tell me 4 yr old boys who punch mums don't turn into psychopaths

(9 Posts)
kayjayel Fri 16-Oct-09 19:43:53

I will feel more rational later, but just feel devastated that still I am being hit, and now he's bigger it was a proper punch (two) on the chest with glee. All to do with the usual, tired, refusing bath and bed etc., nothing special. I just couldn't stop crying, it feels so awful to be hit like that sad. Someone tell me reassuring things.

Drooper Fri 16-Oct-09 19:49:36

It leaves you feeing really shaky doesn't it.I think because it is a bit unexpected and it hurts.

Doesn't mean he will turn into a psychopath at all. He just needs to keep learning about empathy and other people's feelings but that gets lost for him in the heat of the moment.

Really feel for you.You sound quite low- do you have anyone in RL to talk to as well?

kayjayel Fri 16-Oct-09 20:12:30

Thank you. Not too low now, things have been much worse last year, definitely on the up. Shaky was the right word - it was more upsetting because the last month and especially the last week have been wonderful as a family, and I'm loving and liking DS more and more. I have lots of RL support thanks, unfortunately my DS seems to be a bit more wild/angry than my friends kids, so I do still end up worrying I've done something wrong.

Now he's getting so big it just feels much more grown up and quite scary when he gets aggressive, and I hate the baby seeing it. He's asleep now and we're sleeping together so hopefully the night of cuddles and looking after will repair the upset.

Thanks for the reassurance smile

Kerrymumbles Fri 16-Oct-09 20:13:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littleducks Fri 16-Oct-09 20:16:19

My dd has hit me (she is 3)

Honestly it was horrific, in public too (she knows how to press my buttons i hate causing a scene)

TbH it was sorting out everything else that made it stop in my case it was in summer hols and she had been out of routine and was over tired

getting her to bed early helped (not easy when it is bright sunshine) and returning to preschool so she is properly exercised, tired and sleeps better and isnt bored fixzed it completly

do you think thjere are any other issues like that for you?

Paolosgirl Fri 16-Oct-09 20:16:42

Honestly, he will be fine. 4 is very young, and I'm sure it was just one of those things that happen in the heat of the moment. I wonder if you've thought about his consequence though? It's important for him to know that while you understand he was tired, it's not acceptable behaviour and there will be some consequence.

Drooper Fri 16-Oct-09 20:24:21

It's difficult when yours is the one that seems wilder than everyone else's!

I definitely don't think you're doing anything wrong and you sound really caring.

He's just pushing the boundaries and will do that more with you cos you're mum and 'safe'.

Try and stay calm and firm and he'll learn. You are only human though and you can't really hide it when he's really wallopped you!

kayjayel Fri 16-Oct-09 20:41:33

Thanks for the posts (even the diagnosis wink). It feels better to have aired things.

Littleducks, unfortunately DS gets more wild when tired, so 'tiring him out' always leads to the most horrific pm/bedtimes. But you're right, he rarely hits nowadays (used to be more common), and has been ill this week, very tired, grumpy about school etc.

He knows he crossed a line, we try to use natural consequences, so explained that because he'd hit me I was upset and too angry to put him to bed, and the time he used up with the fussing/tantrums was his story time, so he's gone to bed on his own with no story (and accepted this without a fuss, so he knows it was a big deal).

Drooper, thank you for a lovely post smile.

labyrinthine Sat 17-Oct-09 15:54:19

No he won't become a crazed psychopath ~ in fact it could be that he has very strong feelings and doesn't always cope with disappointment etc so well ~ so when he is more able to stay in charge of his emotions as he gets older he will probably be his true self and a real sweetie.

It's not premeditated violence and it's not because of you don't worry it is just an expression of emotion and loss of control .

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