Has anyone else ever drawn up a Behaviour Contract between themselves and their child ? If so what did you put in it ?

[cheltenhamgal]

I have a 9 and a half year old dd, mornings at present are really stressful, especially this past week.

She doesn't like being told to do something, so I put up a list of things on the front door that she needs for school each day.

All of a sudden she hates getting out of bed in the mornings, she is getting on average 10 hours sleep per night but says that she is tired.

She answers back, is rude, calls me names, this behaviour has been ongoing for the past couple of months. Its as if the teenage years have come early !!! She has always been brought up to be respectful and have good manners so I am shocked as to where this has come from. It really isn't good for either of us to start the day in such a way.
I have tried all the usual, withdrawing privileges, time out. The things she enjoys doing I can really stop her doing as they are school related stuff and the child has to sign a contract to show committment eg orchestra, after school clubs.

I thought that maybe if there was something in writing and clear set boundries(although I thought we already had that)that it may make things calmer.

I have had problems in the past with her behaviour but that all seemed to calm down when I changed her school last year.

[Mousey84]

I have a contract with mindees, most of whom are younger. They made up the rules themselves and tbh, were exactly what I would have done.

I think you need to sit down with her and outline your expectations, then agree/compromise on what should happen. It should include consequences - say if she is up late, she still needs to be up early and may be very tired the next day. Then ask, "do you think you enjoy orchestra / sports etc when you are really tired?" "What time do you think you should go to bed at to make sure you feel good the next day?" "I was wondering if you would prefer to shower in the evenings instead of the mornings?"

Make sure it sounds like you are on her side.

[cheltenhamgal]

Thanks Mousey and some good points, she goes to bed at 2030 and reads til 2100 and I have suggested that maybe we need to change this to go up at 2000 and read til 2030.
She used to bound out of bed at 0630 but now I struggle to get her up.

[Fennel]

Do you have other children? We have 3 (oldest is 9) and we negotiate House Rules which get pinned on the wall. Less personal than a behaviour contract but covers the same sorts of things, also applies to visiting children (we look after a lot of other children and some of them are quite challenging children so it helps with them too).

the fact that the dds get to negotiate the rules makes them more interested in sticking to them, more or less. obviously they aren't perfect but it does help.

[cheltenhamgal]

no there is just her and I 24-7, I was going to have a discussion with her this evening so that we could debate between us exactly what the rules should be (ie what were more important to tackle first)

[IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern]

Would you cinsider putting some rules for you in there as well even mutual rules that you both have to stick to.

[IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern]

ahh consider even.

[Fennel]

Yes mutual rules are good I think, about respect and not shouting and taking responsibility for own tidying up. even adults don't always follow these things through.

With my 9yo, who is dreamy and slow and forgetful, always been difficult to stir to fast action in the morning, I say that if she can't get up in the morning in time to get ready for school properly, then she has to stop reading in bed. She likes to read in bed (for ages when she's allowed) so if she doesn't get up well for a few mornings I send her to bed earlier and turn the light off early for a day or so.

[cheltenhamgal]

yes lol I would and I knooooowwww that she will suggest that )