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Appropriate punishment for breaking a dvd for a 3yr old...

(55 Posts)
PavlovtheForgetfulCat Wed 14-Oct-09 16:38:35

DD came in from shops with DH, spent the afternoon with him there with friends, gave them a lift. She has been good for them all afternoon.

I am at home, feeling a bit poorly.

She comes in, picks up a DVD which I stupidly left by the dvd player, unbeknown to me. She was posting it through cabinet drawers when I noticed she had it, and when I took it off her it is cracked.

It is her, and my favourite dvd, My Neigbor Totoro. I took it off her and told her she had broken it. She said 'i am sowwy mama' but I do not think she really knows what this means other than she says it when mama or daddy is annoyed about something.

Anyway, she immediately says what am I going to watch now? I wanted to watch it. I said she can't as it is broken. She wants to watch scooby doo, but I said no tv, she wants computer but I said no computer, but DH said computer is fine (changed his mind when I flashed my peepers at her). She then got down from sofa when asked not to, and knocked a glass over, spilt it all over the floor, again my fault as I left it there.

Problem is, we have builders here who have power tools in the hallway atm and she cannot go and play in her room, it is noisy, she is tired and there is not much else that will keep her calm. So we sat and cuddled and read a book.

Then she asked to watch tv nicely. I said ok, but only if she promises to be a good girl, but no scooby doo as she has broken the dvd.

She now really really wants scooby doo and I have said no.

I do not want it to go unchallenged this breaking of a dvd, as she needs to learn to look after her things and not be like, oh its broken, nevermind I will do something else, but I do not really know how to handle this today...

have I been too lenient, not lenient enough? Right punishment, completely inappropriate punishment? I just could not think of what else to do, but do not think she really has any clue of consequences or what breaking the dvd means, she has already moved on hmm

Blu Wed 14-Oct-09 16:43:10

I'm not sure a 3 yo would understand that posting a nice flat dvd through and enticing cupboard drawer is something that is naughty unless it has been specifically explained. DVDs get posted into the player - why not post it elsewhere as an experiment?

Explain that she must not fiddle with DVDs, that the ne she posted will not now work, and that if she does it AGAIN you will say 'no atching DVDs'.

IMoveTheStarsForNoOne Wed 14-Oct-09 16:45:37

Noooooo... not Totoro!!!

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Wed 14-Oct-09 16:48:22

Blu - thats the problem, she has done it before and we have explained it will break, as she has scratched them before. So it is not the first time, but I agree, she is she too young to comprehend? She knew it was wrong when I said 'you have broken the dvd' as she cried and said sorry over and over. I just don't want to let it go unchallenged. i guess and have her think its no big deal that she will still get to do whatever she wants to do, move on, i want her to understand the value of things and the importance of looking after things. but then I did leave it out for her to get, and I also don't want to make a big deal out of it either.

If I say 'no watching dvds' as a consequence of doing it again, how long do I enforce that for? She does not watch them every day, so it might be days before she would normally watch it anyway, so that seems a long time to wait to enforce?

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Wed 14-Oct-09 16:48:59

Yes indeed sad. We still have The Cat Returns, but its not the same.

gorionine Wed 14-Oct-09 16:51:03

My 3 yo is very "curious" and posting a DVD would definitely be something she would live to do..

I think youo can only "punish" a child if you have told them that they were NOT to do that particular thing. Telling her that she should not do it again might work 9for a while at leastsmile but i think a punushment for what is after all very adequate 23yo behaviour would not be very fair.

KurriKurri Wed 14-Oct-09 16:52:58

Do you want honesty? smile. I think you have been a bit too harsh. It sounds as if you think she is not quite upset enough about breaking the DVD, and are piling on prohibitions until she 'gets it'. She made a mistake, she's seen you put DVD's into a the player and she tried to do the same with the cabinet. The consequence of her error is that she can't watch her DVD because its broken. I'd have said 'oh dear the DVD is broken now so we wont be able to watch it, you have to be careful with DVD's they only go in the player, next time ask mummy or daddy to help you.' or something like that.

But I've just seen that you're feeling poorly, and you've got the builders in so slight over the topness perfectly understandable. Give yourself and her a break - do something nice together smile

gorionine Wed 14-Oct-09 16:53:22

Sorry, x posted! If she has done it before maybe I think the no watching DVDs for a while is good in those circumstances! (The length of it depending on when you will need 5 a few minutes silence!grin)

mears Wed 14-Oct-09 16:53:59

Surely when you think about it she is being punished because she can no longer watch it because it is broken? I don't think there is a need to do much more to be honest.

Reallytired Wed 14-Oct-09 16:55:01

She is three years old and accidents happen. I don't think you can expect her to understand cause and effect like an older child.

electra Wed 14-Oct-09 16:55:52

I wouldn't punish a 3 year old for that...

LadyoftheBathtub Wed 14-Oct-09 16:58:50

I think this is a perfect example of behaviour having its own consequences so you don't need to punish - she;s broken her DVD and therefore lost the chance to watch it. explain that that's the outcome and that you have to be really careful with DVDs as they are delicate, and not toys. I would let her watch a different one and put it all behind you.

BudaBones Wed 14-Oct-09 16:59:03

She is only 3. She will have no comprehension that doing what she did would break the DVD. And as you said you left if where she could get it. I think not having the DVD now is punishment enough.

overmydeadbody Wed 14-Oct-09 16:59:18

Oh my god I cannot believe you are even considering punishing a 3 yr old for your mistake! shockshockshock

You are being way too harsh here. You left the dvd out, she played with it. Did she know it would break? Did she know it was a delicate object? Did she know she would be punished for innocently playing? No*.

left the dvd out, therefore it is entirely your fault.

I think what you have already done, explainging the dvd is broken and that this means she will have to watch something else, is enough.

serenity Wed 14-Oct-09 17:00:27

Truthfully? If she's too young to understand the consequences of posting s DVD then the DVDs shouldn't be where she can get to them (easier said than done I know, especially with all the building work going on, and I know you said it was left out unintentionally)

She's been told off, move on. I don't think it's something to be challenged tbh. It was an accident of sorts, she's too young to know how to treat DVDs with respect - it wasn't deliberate.

overmydeadbody Wed 14-Oct-09 17:01:06

Pavlov, you need to remember to put dvds away in future.

I do agree that the Can Returns is nothing on Totero though, that is one sad losssad

I recommend Kiki's Delievery Service as another Ghibli suitable for 3 yr olds, but again it has nothing on Totero.

LeninGhoul Wed 14-Oct-09 17:02:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrinityHasAVampireRhino Wed 14-Oct-09 17:03:53

your fault
she is only 3
I wouldn't have punished
not being able to watch her fave dvd is punishment enough

and you already said she is struggling with the builders there

so why would you try and make her feel worse

LeninGhoul Wed 14-Oct-09 17:06:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJohnDeere Wed 14-Oct-09 17:11:44

No way on earth would I punish a 3yo for this.

You left the dvd out. You have a 3yo. 3yos fiddle with things. The dvd got broken. It is entirely your fault, imo.

I'd only punish a much older child who broke it deliberately.

Trikken Wed 14-Oct-09 17:13:13

Pav may have left out the dvd, but her dd has been told before they will break if she plays with them. she does need to know she has done wrong as you dont want her to think she can get away with breaking things but think that it is punishment enough for her to not be able to watch her beloved dvd. try to let her know that she is unable to watch it as she has broken it and that you have to be more careful with things that you love, as mummy and daddy cant afford to buy new things all the time. ds is 3 has done this too, and he seems to have undersood as he has been much more careful since.

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Wed 14-Oct-09 17:19:50

I absolutely agree it was my fault for leaving it where she can get it. She does know not to touch them, but temptation is a lot for her age.

She has completly forgotten about it now, we have done drawing on the chalk board and she has drawn a fabulous letter B (her initial) which made me feel very proud so we are good.

I shall consider a less harsh punishment in the future smile, as you said, the dvd breaking is punishment enough, although not entirely sure she will miss it as much as i will hmm

OMDB - i shall take a look - DD has am amazing peice of artwork on her wall, a watercolour of her standing under a tree with a brolly and totoro next to her. A friend did it, and its amazing.

lenin great idea about copies. Will try to remember that in future too.

waitingforbedtime Wed 14-Oct-09 17:22:17

I would just be annoyed at myself not her. She said sorry and its broken and cant watch it anymore, thats more than enough. Also, she got down from teh sofa when told not to???

IMoveTheStarsForNoOne Wed 14-Oct-09 17:22:50

Pavlov - that watercolour sounds amazing! am envy

I've been to the Ghibli museum in Japan and we had seen pictures of the actual bus stop that you arrive, with a giant totoro figure.

Very sad when we looked everywhere and couldn't find it - they must have moved it.


anyway, as you were

Disenchanted3 Wed 14-Oct-09 17:24:18

Too harsh.

YOU left it there.

Your fault, shes 3 not 13!

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