I have been listening to DD cry for 10 months now and just can't take any more

[bean612]

Poor DD. She had silent reflux for the first 3 months of her life but has been managed well on ranitidine since then. Trouble is, she screamed for the reflux for hours every day/evening, but once that stopped she screamed when I wasn't there, screamed when we tried to settle her with a childminder (have got a new one so that got sorted eventually thank goodness), screamed when tired during the day/evening, screamed sometimes for hours during the night every time she woke... we thought we had finally got that sorted with help from a sleep clinic and had ONE blissful week where she started sleeping through... but then she was teething, then had a cold, now the tooth is through and the cold is on the mend and now she's screaming again. I guess she's teething again? Maybe. Who knows. I love her and it breaks my heart and I'm so, so, so, so tired of hearing her cry. I've been listening to it for 10 months. When will it end? Sorry, not looking for answers really, just sympathy I guess. I feel like there must be something wrong with her for her to cry so earnestly for so many different reasons, but maybe that's just her temperament. I'm exhausted, though. Physically, but more emotionally than anything. I'm just in despair.

[BettyTurnip]

Lots of sympathy to you, it's awful when they cry and nothing seems to settle them...it will pass eventually. Sorry not much use but I'm boggle eyed with tiredness...sure someone will be along with useful advice.

[IMoveTheStarsForNoOne]

I know it's against MNetiquette, but //hugs

it WILL get better. Take any break you can, take it in turn to look after her. Me and DP had to sleep in separate beds so we could function.

Go to the GP - just to rule out any other issues.

[differentnameforthis]

Is there anything that you learnt at the sleep clinic that may help get in to sleep again? At least if the nights are sorted, you can almost function during the day!

[pipWereRabbit]

I think you are doing an amazing job, 10 months is along time to listen to a distressed baby.
I agree with IMoveTheStars, get her checked out to make sure there are no underlying issues.
I have a theory (so please feel free to ignore me) that when little ones are in the habit of crying, because they have genuinely had a lot to cry about, it becomes something that they turn to as their first reaction to any problem - giving you no time to try any of the usual techniques to distract and try and avoid a meltdown. Then it's even harder to break the crying habit in addition to dealing with whatever the problem is that they are having. Not very helpful right now I know, but as her communication skills improve the crying should diminish.

Do you use calpol, bonjela or similar for pain relief with the teething/colds etc.?

Could you try keeping a diary of when your DD cries and for how long, it might help you get some perspective on how much time she actually cries - I know HVs often suggest doing something similar re: sleeping. It might feel like she cries all day, but the diary might show that it's only for an hour or two spread out through the day.

It's so horrible being bogged in the middle of such an awful time, but as the others have said it will (evenutally) get better...

[Dislexual]

My DD kept me awake for the first two years of her life, and I was on my own at the time. I can tell you now, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and IT will get easer. You will look back on it all and not quite remember it, but you will know it was bloody awful.
Some times you need to put them in a safe place (Play pen,cot etc) and just step away,(Back garden etc) for 5 mins and come back and face it.
Get time off, to sleep if you can, with the baby out of earshot being look after by someone you trust.
My DD has turned out to be a cracking kid, and you couldn?t wake her up with a bomb now as she on there verge off her teens. Iv got the it the other way round and I can get her out of bed.
Is is going to be alright.

[Harimosbroomstick]

from me too.

I'm on my own with a 16mo and 2mo and I hate feeling that I'm just functioning until they go to bed or (even worse) when I sigh when I hear one of them stir because I'm so tired...

Last night, I was up at 11, 2, 4 and 5... no point in trying to get anymore sleep because by the time the 2mo settles, the elder one will be awake!!

Is there anything that will stop the crying? For me, I put the two of them in the buggy and we go for a walk... They are both always pretty settled when I walk at a firm pace (now, I appreciate that it might notsound like the best plan when you are tired, but it's lovely to get an hour of peace when I can talk to DS and point out ducks / train etc or let him nap and enjoy the peace

[Angifi]

I really feel for you.I have a gorgeous daughter, who is now 9, who did exactly what you describe.She was my fourth baby, so I knew it wasn't me! We tried everything - I went to the doctor,the chiro,the naturopath, changed my diet (I was BF).Nothing worked.Eventually I read the Sears baby book,www.amazon.com/Fussy-Baby-Book-Parenting-High-Need/dp/0316779164?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21, and it helped me understand that some babies are unsettled and cry alot.When I accepted that that was the way it would be I coped so much better. The book gave many suggestions for helping baby relax, and especially stressed that it is imperitive that you get help, support and rest.
My dd is now a wonderful, bright ray of light.She started to improve once she was walking.

[IMoveTheStarsForNoOne]

Oh, nobody's suggested cranial osteopathy have they? Might be worth a try? (I know nothing about it, just echoing people on here)

[mumtoem]

My DD is just growing out of her reflux at 17 months. It is so hard when everything seems to start them crying. My DD does seem to be a bit of a drama queen - she is either v.v.happy or suffering the world's greatest tragedy!

I did find that the reflux got worse with colds and teething. So if your DD is crying at night, it is worth checking whether she can have a larger dose of ranitidine, or be moved onto omeprazole instead (we switched at 11 months). I also found that ibuprofen worked better than paracetamol for teething pain.

I did try an osteopath for DD. Had 4 visits. I think they helped a little but no major change.

As others have said, you do need to try and get some 'me' time. Can your DH get her up on Sunday mornings and you lie in until 10? Or can you arrange a night out with friends, even just a couple of times a month?

Hang in there. It really does get better. If your DD is anything like mine, in a few months she will be utterly exhausting because she never stops running about, but great fun and very funny.

[SuperAmoo]

The first thing I would do would be to make sure she is adequately propped up at night using a Tucker Sling or something like that. Then I would definitely look at her diet personally. I would cut cut ALL traces of dairy, soya, egg and gluten out of her diet for two weeks and see if there is any improvement. Sounds harsh I know but ..that's what I would do. The diet is difficult (we do it so it is possible!) but I think it's worth trying it just so you can count that out as being a problem. Dairy, soya, gluten and egg are all things that commonly cause reflux in children. If that didn't work I would also try reducing acdic foods including juice instead - I would do that before upping any medication. Good luck - it sounds like you're doing an amazing job.

[Ripeberry]

I would have got earplugs..sorry

[kwaker5]

My DS used to cry a lot when he was a baby. He did sleep quite well at night from a young age but would just whitter, moan and cry all the time in the day. It really did drive me insane because nothing I did could stop him. He was so hard to distract. I spent much of my first year pounding the streets with him in his pushchair. Some babies are just more sensitive than others.

I think my DS improved when he could crawl (about 9 months) and again when he walked. I don't know whether the whole thing was just frustration. He is 3 now, talks non-stop and wasn't that tantrummy as a toddler so things have got a lot better.

The only practical advice I can offer is to make sure she is getting enough rest in the day. She may still need a morning and afternoon nap at this age, then 12 hours at night. There is an organisation called Cry-sis who offer support if you are struggling.

Lots of sympathy though. Unless you've been through it, you just don't understand how wearing and depressing it is. Please don't blame yourself.