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Everything's going haywire. Is it because I stopped BFing? [guilt emoticon]

(12 Posts)
nosferartifartu Sat 10-Oct-09 11:54:13

DS (13.5 months) has been down to one bedtime BF for about 2 or 3 months now. Sometimes fed to sleep, often not. Sometimes interested, sometimes not bothered. He never asks.

I decided to stop BFing a few days ago (I know I could have carried on but wanted to stop so that I could take The Pill again which is the only thing that 'cures' my terrible PMT, which returned with my periods a couple of months ago).

Now DS wants me to sit with him until he goes to sleep and goes mad if I leave the room. The same is now happening for naps (which were never associated with BFing before). He also woke last night, although didn't cry for us, just lots of coughing, the odd shout etc. for 45 mins at a time.

I've started to feel bad, that I've upset DS, although DP says there was bound to be a period of re-adjustment and to remember that DS has also started teething and got a cold in the last couple of days.

I have the dreaded aforementioned PMT today and so know that I am irrational and emotional but will DS settle back down if I keep reassuring him?

hettie Sat 10-Oct-09 13:25:08

ermmm possibly not as this is also the classic age when seperation anxiety kicks in....

reikizen Sat 10-Oct-09 13:32:27

Oh it's often difficult to tell why children do what they do tbh. Illness and teething will inevitably cause problems with sleep and clinginess in my experience. Of course he will settle down, how many adults do you know who have to be settled to sleep by their mums? grinSeriously, it's just a phase, nothing more than that. For example dd1 has started coming downstairs after being settled in bed last week (she's 5) and dd2 has had a period of night waking for the past week or so (she's 3). No biggie, just ride it out and keep doing what you are doing. It is important to sort the PMT, and parenthood is a constant juggling act between what is best for parents and kids so don't worry about it. Kids are good at making you feel guilty whether they know it or not!

nosferartifartu Sat 10-Oct-09 14:58:04

Thanks guys. smile I know I'm probably being a bit melodramatic, damn those hormones. He's a very happy, smiley little thing most of the time so it's probably a combination of change in bedtime routine, teeth, cold and starting to walk.

Hettie, I had also thought about the seperation anxiety - he's a mixed bag really. Sometimes I leave the room and he has meltdown and then I left him in a creche at the weekend and he didn't bat an eyelid.

I guess I will just have to keep cuddling him...terrible job but someone's got to do it...

MrsBadger Sat 10-Oct-09 15:19:27

I think it might even be a normal 'next stage after bfing' thing - I stopped feeding dd when she was 18m and still have to sit in her room till she's asleep - she's 2.2.
It usually only takes 20min so I reckon it;s worth it.

amberflower Sat 10-Oct-09 19:36:08

I think it is more of an age thing - please don't feel guilty about giving up BFing, you did so well to carry on for 13.5 months, the 12-18 month stage is notorious for separation anxiety regardless of how they're being fed.

I gave up BF when DS was 7 months, and we had no sleep problems at all at that stage. But we had some very similar issues at 13-14 months (when BFing was a distant memory!) which we put down to separation anxiety, teething, and a glut of colds, bless him. And it was a phase, and it passed, and so will yours smile

Gemzooks Sat 10-Oct-09 20:11:57

I agree with age thing, I stopped bf DS at 12 months, and about 13 months until 16 months he was quite difficult to get to sleep, crying at bedtime, not settling etc. but I really don't think it was connected to bf, it was just a phase thing. don't worry! it will pass!

nosferartifartu Sat 10-Oct-09 20:17:53

Thanks for the hope. Tonight's bedtime is a nightmare! 45 minutes I have been sat there while he crawls about singing to himself and stands up constantly. DP is now home and has taken up the duty. If we leave the room he goes bonkers.

I'm not sure it's related to BFing either - he was never really that into it, even when small - I had to practically forcefeed him every three hours or he'd never ask/signal he wanted it.

I also suspect he's getting too much daytime sleep - he was waking at 5.30 but now it's more like 6.30 - but still napping the same in the day. He's obviously not very tired this evening.

Time to crack open the wine methinks...

nosferartifartu Sat 10-Oct-09 20:19:30

Oh - and any tips on how you coped with bedtime very welcome, Gemzooks and amberflower!

amberflower Sat 10-Oct-09 21:45:45

Oh definitely check the amount of daytime sleep and cut it down if you feel too much. How much does he sleep? If it's more than two hours at lunchtime, for example, he may well not be tired enough. I used to find with DS that if I let him sleep any later than 3pm it would cause a problem. Overtiredness can also be a problem though so it can be a tricky balance - but if he is sleeping well during naptime, he is unlikely to be overtired.

Re coping with bedtime - I went for the gradual withdrawal approach - standing by the cot and then, as he settled, moving a step at a time towards the door. Initially I wasn't able to leave the room until he was actually asleep (and we have creaky floorboards so sometimes I'd end up disturbing him as I crept backwards - REALLY annoying!), but over a period of weeks I managed to reach a stage where I was able to put him down and start moving towards the door fairly quickly.

It does take patience though, there was a time when 45 minutes to settle to sleep was the norm for us too so you have my sympathy - it's hard! And middle of the night wakings were particularly hard work - our record was 3 hours one night - I was exhausted! But it really was a genuine separation thing with DS, he had always been such a good sleeper prior to this, so I didn't feel something like controlled crying would be appropriate. Though one thing I did make sure to do was not to fall into the trap of rocking or cuddling to sleep - I just stayed with him for reassurance and did the same thing every night.

Definitely crack open the wine smile in fact I would actually recommend taking a glass of wine into the bedroom WITH you whilst settling him in the evening - I've done that on more than one occasion!

slowreadingprogress Sat 10-Oct-09 22:07:27

We stayed in with our DS while he dropped off too at this age. I think you need to give him a clearer boundary; if he stands up, you're outta there! We made it clear that if DS wanted our company then we were happy to give it while he dropped off; not while he stood up or played about. He did get the deal quite quickly.

FWIW it does sound as if the night time probs are much more age and stage related than dropping-BF related....

nosferartifartu Sun 11-Oct-09 19:43:10

Thanks! Tonight was easier - only 10 minutes and no a*sing about, I suspect because he had only had two hours sleep today (and woke up at 5.40am hmm)

He seems so distraught I couldn't do CC either. I don't have to be right by the cot, I can stand in the doorway, just as long as I don't leave the room!

Poor little thing is really suffering with teeth at the moment so that can't be helping.

Wine in the bedroom sounds like a good idea. Might get one of those reading lights that you stick on top of books too! May as well settle down and enjoy myself...

How long did your 'phase' last slowreading?

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